Meet Mary Soracco of The Contrary Dame

Today we’d like to introduce you to Mary Soracco.

Mary, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
This is a long story. I’ll try to be as concise as I can. It’s a very personal story for me so there’s gonna be personal ugly detail because it led me here. You can choose to use it, or go for a lighter approach. I’ve always been creative, but for most of my years, I was without much focus. I started getting into jewelry making as a teenager and young adult, but I was also painting, drawing, writing journals, bad teenage poetry and short stories.

At age 18 (1994) I was disowned by my mother and suddenly out in the world on my own (my father had died two years prior and things had never been good between my mother and me). Aimless, I got myself into a bad meth addiction and an even worse partnership. He was extremely jealous, possessive, and abusive. We had one child together, (for whom I managed to clean up while pregnant and nursing–that’s always very important for me to make clear–I used to fail in many ways as a parent, but that was not one of them).

My partner was intolerant of my art efforts. In every piece of art I created, he imagined he detected some lie I was telling him. (I’m not kidding. Literally.) During the early years of that relationship, in a desperate bid to show my partner my commitment to him, I destroyed all my art. Set fire to my writings, smashed floppy disks, shattered figurines I’d painted, tore up paintings and drawings, threw most of my bead boxes across the room, hoping that the fantastical bursts of color against the wall would show him I cared about him the most (spoiler: it didn’t).

From that point on, for 5 or 6 years–I created nothing. It was excruciating. I had so many ideas and I was terrified to even write them down–because I didn’t want the conflict.

Partner went to prison for 18 months in 1998–that was my chance to leave and blossom again–but I only went halfway–completing a Medical Assisting course, getting my driver’s license (at age 23), and finding myself a good stable job that didn’t require welfare subsidy. Waited for the partner. When he got out in 2000, he came home and we both immediately let everything go to sh*t again.

By this time, the creative voice had stopped completely, and I went about the business of juggling my beautiful child, a challenging job, a drug problem, and an abusive/destructive partner. Partner left in 2003. Took me a while to realize I was really free of him. I got clean in early 2005. I sat down with pen and paper. Panic attack. Beads–panic attack. Paint–panic attack. No ideas, and a feeling of ridiculousness, like I had no business trying anymore.

This went on for many years, as I just tried to be a good mom to my kid and survive. I thought the creative voice was gone forever, and I was gonna be the cautionary tale for all those women out there who let themselves get lost in a partner. (“It’s tooooooo late for meeeeeeeeeee…. save yoursellllllllves!” haha)

In late 2009, I met my husband, Nick, at a goth club in Koreatown (after having met online in a forum first). For the first time in my life, I had someone who saw everything I used to be, creatively and everything I could be, and he wanted to support it. We moved in together in 2011, married in 2012. I still fumbled around art, wondering when the rush of a new idea would come. I half-painted a background on one canvas; I sorted beads. Nothing nothing nothing.

After a roommate moved out, he offered to keep his office area in our bedroom and give me the room as a studio. I was thrilled, moved all my things in… and barely entered the room for another year. In 2013 I got therapy for generalized anxiety and PTSD, and in the summer of 2016, I finally sat down and made my first necklace in over 17 years. And then another. And another. I posted a picture of one on Facebook, and a friend wanted to buy it. And then another. And another. 🙂 Suddenly the floodgates were open, and the possibilities were endless. Husband got a little worried about taxes, so he handed me a bit of money and told me to start a business.

I vented my jewelry for the first time at a nightclub called B4-Y2K, at the now-defunct Monte Cristo–the same club venue where I’d met my husband. 😉 That quickly turned into opportunities to vend at other clubs, and I also started getting into craft fairs, night markets, and conventions. (At one point, I was afraid to schedule more than 2 sales events per month–now I’m anxious if I have fewer than 3 per week!)

Searching for a name for my company was challenging and maybe just a little fun. All the variations I could think of “Mary Mary Quite Contrary” had been used for other things, but I had never had a nickname that stuck, so there wasn’t anywhere else to go if I wanted to name it after myself. A friend of my husband reminded me of my bit part in a short film he made for a contest at DEFCON (hacker’s convention in Vegas)– my character’s name was “The Dame.” And there we had it–the Contrary Dame. It fits me and my sense of humor and rebellion pretty well.

I’m now having a pretty fantastic time traveling from place to place, selling, meeting people, and feeling like a contributing member of the art world, which was all I really ever wanted. My son is 21 now and works for me while he’s taking college classes–he handles transportation, logistics, and often runs sales events on his own. I feel like I’m leaving so much out, but I also feel like you’ll pick out what you feel is important and we can probably flesh it out into what you want.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
As far as current business challenges–they pale by comparison but… as good as I am at writing and preparing marketing materials… I’m not the greatest at face-to-face sales. despite it being where I make the most. I personally will shut down high sales pressure placed on me, and as a result, I perhaps go too far the other way and could be making more sales if I were more… well if I were just MORE.

But I believe in saying a cheery hello, announcing that I’m here if they have questions, and then pushing no further than that. It’s been a challenge to be more outgoing in this aspect, although I’m outgoing in other ways.

The Contrary Dame – what should we know? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
I make affordable jewelry and accessories for the goth/metal/horror/punk/etc subcultures. My slogan is “It’s not your mother’s jewelry… unless she’s a badass.”You’ll see a lot of bats, spiders, and a LOT of skulls. A lot of chunky statement pieces. I specialize in necklace-earring sets. One of my specialties is the agate heart pendant, which sometimes features a skull cameo surrounded by roses.

We also do custom work, where we work with our client to choose beads, stones, and even clasps, and make a true collaboration out of it.

I think the thing I’m most proud of is our HUSTLE. We are always putting ourselves out there and asking events if they want vendors. We will try almost any event once if we can fit it into our schedule–especially if the cost is low. As a result, people are always remarking about how we are EVERYWHERE, and I’m proud when I look at our full sales calendar.

What sets us apart from others? That’s hard to say. The style, certainly. There are other artists out there using similar pieces, but we all do things differently. The jewelry market is pretty saturated, so it’s hard to stand out. I think we manage because of our marketing efforts. I’ve realized that marketing comes easily to me, and efforts that others see as Herculean are fairly simple to me. So I’ve got that edge, although I’ve got a whole lot more to learn.

But at the same time that I’m trying to set myself apart from others, I also really want to create a community of “dark” artists, vendors, performers, events, venues in Los Angeles & beyond that looks out for each other, shares gig info, etc. I’m working on that with a Facebook page and Instagram feed called the SoCal Subculture Hustle.

What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?
Watching a dear friend, who is fighting cancer, take her daily selfies after prettying herself up for the day–and in every photo, she’s wearing a piece of my jewelry.

Pricing:

• Nothing over $45

Contact Info:

• Website: www.TheContraryDame.com
• Phone: 818 533 1096
• Email: contrary.dame@gmail.com
• Instagram: instagram.com/contrary_dame
• Facebook: facebook.com/thecontrarydame
• Other: stores.ebay.com/contrarydame

Image Credit:
Violet Schrage

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