

Today we’d like to introduce you to Heidi Cox.
Hi Heidi, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
I started acting in high school, which felt late compared to everyone else around me. My hometown is Greenville, South Carolina. We are very proud of our Governor’s School for the Arts as well as the Fine Arts Center where I could have had an additional curriculum to my regular school day. I was too terrified to even explore what those programs consisted of. Sure, I had been dancing (ballet, tap, jazz) since age three and didn’t really discover that I could sing until around 13. But I definitely lacked the confidence to want to put myself out there. Film and TV mesmerized me. I was obsessed. I still am. Even though I dreamed about it in the corner of my mind back then, I never thought I would actually be living here and creating projects with some of my favorite people. It was as if I was afraid to really acknowledge that part of myself. But keep something like that muzzled long enough and it finds a way to come out. I eventually gave in to what I could not ignore.
Arriving in Los Angeles that first year was such a cool experience. I had felt so unsettled before. It felt like a major shift to drive down Ventura Blvd or take Coldwater Canyon over the hill. Being surrounded by so many creative people was so exciting. Plus, it was January and it was warmer than where I came from. I really liked that part too. I immediately found a flexible job, took as many classes as I could and had new headshots taken. Things were really great for a while!
There was definitely a time of struggle for me too.
I got into a relationship that was toxic fairly quickly. And I neglected my own needs in order to put all of my energy there. It was definitely something I needed to work out internally. And that situation was a wake-up call. It went on for many years before I found my voice and was able to separate myself from it, physically and mentally/emotionally.
One thing that really helped me was when I made up my mind to start creating my own content. Once I started doing that, I also started to feel like myself…maybe for the first time. I started Dweeb Darlings, my production company, with my very best friend. We wrote and produced a short-form comedic series called “Stalking LeVar.” It started as a little sketch with some social commentary on the systemic “blindness” of people like Megan and myself, as well as a tribute to a personality my friend and I grew up watching. And it evolved into the same commentary with an inner look as to why my character was so unaware and attached to a celebrity.
Since then, I have written, produced along with my now husband and acted in a short film based on the same premise. It won some awards (Best Comedy Short, Best Short Film, Best Supporting Actor: Phil Lamarr). I even came away from some festivals with a couple of best actress nominations which was such an honor.
I am excited to move on to the next thing. There are several scripts I have written and am preparing a team to make them into films.
One is dramatic short on the subject of religious abuse, domestic violence and child abuse.
Another is a dramatic science fiction short.
And one is a comedy feature.
Looking back is strange because it feels long ago but it also feels like I arrived here yesterday. I never thought I would be a writer but it was very organic how I became one. I still have my company and I am acting chair to the ambassador program with The Chimaera Project – a non-profit committed to equity in media for women and non-binary filmmakers.
I am also happily married to a wonderful partner who is an incredibly talented filmmaker.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
When I arrived, I was very excited to be somewhere new and on my own. I had several jobs to maintain the flexibility one needs to do what I dreamed. There were definitely times I struggled to find money to eat as well as pay my rent. There was the struggle to find an agent, a class to take, a friend to call when my car broke down on the five coming back from San Francisco. Then there were the years I spent with an unhealthy relationship that turned things upside down for me. I came from a chaotic environment in childhood so naturally, I was warned to look out for that pattern. I knew it was statistically possible. And even knowing that I had no idea what I was getting into at the beginning. It was so subtle at first. Little comments here and there about my body. Unwillingness to acknowledge my feelings. I took it on as if I was the difficult one. Then one day, I was grabbed and held down.
Eventually, it developed into much more than just being picked apart and held down. I was made fun of, threatened, & physically harmed. I was never strong or confident enough to fight back or get away during these times. It is said humans are born with a fight or flight response built into all of us. In addition to that, there is freeze and fawn. I became very good at staying in place (freeze) and fawning (trying to gain favor and showing understanding/sympathy). At the time, this “relationship” felt like something I could not let go of. I wanted to be loved by this person so badly. Walking away was incredibly painful. When I tried it, I felt depleted of everything except fear, fear of not being enough, fear of losing everything. And it felt like this person was my everything. I was convinced no one cared about me except for this person who told me they were the only one in my life who would tell me “the truth about me.”
The situation drove me into an emotional place where I thought I was going crazy. It worked well for them because it reinforced the idea that I was. My partner could convince friends that I was “the problem.” I even engaged in self-harm behavior during my lowest. If I could have fought back against their violence, perhaps I would have. But I couldn’t. I simply wasn’t strong enough. It was one of the most frightening times of my life. I simply could not get loose of their physical grasp much less their emotional hold on me.
A few years into it, I must have made up my mind that I was going to survive because eventually, I started to create my own ideas. That is what saved me.
One of my very best friends had moved into town from Chicago. She was gifted in writing and sketch comedy. I pitched her my idea one night while we had dinner for my birthday in April 2013. Luckily she thought it was funny and wanted to write it with me.
Thus began the mechanism that pulled me back into existence- or at least feeling like I existed. I had been lost, seemingly invisible. I had to make my way through all the horrible things I had been convinced to believe about myself and see it for the manipulation that it was. Someone actually liked my idea. That was not how I was used to being treated.
When I started to surround myself with kind people, I saw my reflection differently.
It took years of therapy to realize that what I felt for this person who I had spent so many years with was not love. It was something else- something I was trying to unconsciously fix from my past. I am so grateful to the therapists, friends and family who helped me work out why I had done that.
Creating this community is what brought my current husband and me together. We were friends for many years because of the team I had opened myself up to. My husband became a friend and a mentor in writing and we eventually wrote something together.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
What I love most is acting and performing. I have done everything from musical comedies to dark dramas. It has been lovely to work on stage as well as in front of a camera. Because I love performing so much, it was very natural for me to start creating stories I wanted to tell with people I wanted to work with. So now, I am able to claim the title of writer, producer and director in addition to actor. It feels a little obnoxious because it is such a multi-multi-hypnenate situation. So usually I just say I am an actor and a filmmaker.
My company, Dweeb Darlings started out leaning more into the geek-centric genre (hence the name). I wanted it to feel like a community of filmmakers who support women who create. And that is still the goal. “Women can be anything” is the message to this day.
That is why becoming the chair to the ambassador program with The Chimaera Project was such an honor. The ambassador program is a collection of supportive creators “who show up.” We attend screenings, we champion filmmakers we believe in and we do our best to show support for these projects online and in person. We also make sure that these filmmakers know of the resources we have to offer. We recently awarded finishing funds in our To.Get.Her program to several very talented filmmakers.
I love working with The Chimaera Project.
Risk taking is a topic that people have widely differing views on – we’d love to hear your thoughts.
Being the eldest child who was always considered responsible, the pleaser, taking risks was always a little daunting for me. I was often afraid of my own confidence. I started acting late. While growing up in South Carolina, there was a children’s theatre. Many of my friends were in shows there. But I was too terrified to even consider auditioning for something. I wanted more information but my parents knew nothing about it. So I stayed quiet until I felt like I was going to burst if I did not get what I can only describe as an emotional desire and energy out of me. Because I had already been a dancer, that helped a little. But I had a lot to learn. Once I started, I soaked it in with every class I took and every show I did. And as always, I ADORED cinema. Even before I moved to Los Angeles, I hesitated to leave. I tried to have a regular job but always found myself looking back in the direction of performance art.
So for me, moving to LA was a huge risk. I was alone. I knew one person and we were only acquaintances. But now we are very dear friends. Driving across the country while so young was frightening but also calming. I felt like myself for the first time. I was excited and peaceful all at once.
Obviously, there were things once I arrived here that really got in my way and risked my safety. But I found my way out eventually and I learned so much about myself. I found my voice and I moved forward. Truly, I did not know if I would ever find my way out of some of them. But I did. And I am here. I will take more risks. Even talking about my experiences can be risky. I have been threatened in the past, because of it. But I think it is important to educate and spread awareness about domestic violence and child abuse. They are an important outreach to me. I hope to produce more projects that shine a light on how we can help prevent these situations and help those who feel helpless and hopeless.
Contact Info:
- Website: msheidicox.com
- Instagram: @msheidicox
- Facebook: facebook.com/msheidicox
- Twitter: @msheidicox
- Youtube: Youtube.com/DweebDarlings
Image Credits
Main Image – Teymur Madjderey Other images: image 1 – Salvador Lleo De La Fe (Cinematographer from: Noel Gallagher’s If I Had a Gun) image 2- Ryan Constantino (Cinematographer from: Stalking LeVar- The Muscial episode 201) image 3- Al Ortega image 4- On set snap for short film “Rock Inn” image 5- Ryan Constantino (Cinematographer from: Stalking LeVar – The Musical episode 201) image 6- Willy Lazlo (Cinematographer from Stalking LeVar – Mr. Burton & Dr. Grey Episode 208) image 7- Scott Thomason image 8 – Teymur Madjderey (BTS on “Chasing Fletcher Allen”)