Meet Xica Necia

Today we’d like to introduce you to Xica Necia.

So, before we jump into specific questions about the business, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I began writing under the pen name Xica Necia in 2017 as a way to be able to safely share my stories about my experiences as a survivor of sexual violence.

In the summer of 2016, my most recent abuser found me through Tinder and “superliked” me. That experience reminded me of how close in proximity he still is to my life, my relationships and location. It honestly scared the crap out of me, so even though I had already been performing publicly for a couple of years, switching to an alias seemed like a good idea.

Xica Necia to me means that I am hard-headed and stubborn. I think that anybody who’s survived sexual violence has had to be. That fact that I am still here despite having been repeatedly violated throughout my life is a testament to my tenacity. Growing up in an abusive home I was a victim to my direct trauma as well as the perpetual cycle of family violence around me. At 18 years old I moved out of my parent’s house and swore that I would never allow myself to be abused again.

Within two months of moving onto my college campus, I found myself in an abusive relationship with an older man. I was devastated and in disbelief that I did not recognize the signs of abuse earlier. At that time, I truly, wholeheartedly believed that it was my fault. Unlike the past, I felt that I no longer had the excuse of being a minor and that this time I should have “known better.”

A few police & Title IX investigations, hours of therapy and education, full notebooks of poetry, and hella community love later I now know that NONE of the violence that I’ve endured is in any way my fault. Not one bit. In fact, none of the abuse that any survivor has endured is their fault, and that’s the message that I’m trying to spread.

It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. It’s simple, and yet so necessary to be told to every survivor of violence out there. Rape culture is an epidemic that has infected every family, workplace, school, mind, and institution you can think of. So in order to combat it in our communities, we must first address the abuse we that perpetuate against ourselves. Xica Necia represents that healing process for me.

We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc. – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
It has definitely been challenging for me to do this work consistently and carefully. I first have to be mindful of my own healing and make sure that I’m uncovering parts of my life at my own pace. In the past, I made choices based off of what other people had told me was the “right” way to react and heal.

I’m now in a place where I work hard to center myself and make my healing process my priority.  I also work to be mindful of other survivor’s experiences and recognize that it can look very different from my own. There is a lot of responsibility that comes with the written and spoken word, especially with the privilege of being given a platform to share my story.

At times people assume that I am representative of all survivors, which is not true. I want survivors to know that however they choose to heal is completely unique and valid for them. Overall, I try to reduce harm by making sure that everything I spread has a purpose, meaning and trigger warning. In general, there’s always the fear that one of my abusers will find me or my poetry online.

I’ve had several experiences where I accidentally bumped into one of them in person, and each time was deeply re-traumatizing. Once I even bumped into my abusive ex at an open mic where I had planned to share a poem about the night, he raped me. I ran away the moment I saw him, and since then I’ve replayed the scenario in my head a million times.

Today, I’d like to think that I would have the courage to face him if he were to ever be in one of the audience’s I perform for. I’m aware that with my work being public online I can’t fully hide, so I try my best to be mentally prepared for those scenarios.

This whole journey has been a learning process, and I am intentional about challenging myself to grow.

We’d love to hear more about what you do.
In a world that constantly invalidates the experiences of survivors, my ultimate goal as an artist and organizer is to create spaces where survivors can be believed and supported.

I’ve seen this happen at open mics, in classrooms, in friend’s living rooms, through messaging online and more. Through my work, I try to push the boundaries of what can be seen as a healing space.

Especially since growing up I was told in school that talk therapy was the best, and the only way to heal from trauma and post-traumatic stress. That was confusing for me coming from an immigrant, POC community that often did not address mental health issues as valid.

Talk therapy along with other conventional forms of healing trauma were inaccessible to me, and that was discouraging. I believe that survivors of violence deserve more options for our healing that are created for us, by us.

I’ve often felt alone during points of my healing journey and being able to meet other survivors through my work as Xica Necia has given me a community that I don’t ever want to give up. I now know that I’m not alone- I’ve never been alone, and I want everyone to be able to be able to connect with other survivors if they choose to.

In particular, Queer/Trans/Gender Non Conforming survivors of color who are at a higher risk of being targeted deserve to have their stories believed and supported to the same capacity as their cisgender female, white counterparts.

My long term goal is to create consistent, accessible spaces were survivors can network and share resources. In April of 2018, I had the honor of curating I’M STILL HERE, a zine dedicated to sharing the stories of Queer survivors of color. In addition, over $1500 was raised in 18 days to host a zine release event for survivors, by survivors.

This event was very special to me because it has always been a dream of mine to create a space just for fellow Queer survivors of color to celebrate ourselves. I’m currently in the planning process of bringing I’M STILL HERE back! Our first year was a huge learning experience, and I’m looking forward to making this year’s event bigger and better.

I also create products for victim-survivors of violence such as “Fuck Rape Culture” apparel, stickers and zines. I think that it’s important for survivors to have representation in order for us to be reminded that we’re not alone. So many of us experience our boundaries being crossed on the daily, and I wanted to create an image that validates our collective frustration.

When I wear my merchandise out, I’m often stopped by people who also feel the same way, but never had the words. By spreading this message, I hope to see a world where anybody, not just survivors, can call rape culture out.

What were you like growing up?
Growing up I had always been encouraged to create art, and throughout my life, I’ve gravitated towards drawing, acting, singing and public speaking. I come from a family of poets, and although I didn’t write much poetry as a kid, I’ve always loved storytelling.

There were a lot of days that I thought about writing every abusive experience down so that one day I could come back and show all the bystanders of my abuse that I wasn’t crazy and making things up. I never brought myself to do that for the fear of having my stories ending up in the wrong hands, but as an adult, I definitely feel like I channel my inner child to express herself.

Pricing:

• $40- Fuck Rape Culture Crewneck Sweater
• $25- Fuck Rape Culture T-Shirt
• $4- Fuck Rape Culture Sticker

Contact Info:

• Website: xicanecia.com
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @xica_necia
• Facebook: facebook.com/laxicanecia

Getting in touch: VoyageLA is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.