Meet Whitney Ullom

Today we’d like to introduce you to Whitney Ullom.

Thanks for sharing your story with us Whitney. So, let’s start at the beginning, and we can move on from there.
I got started on this path of studying sexuality as a way to heal. I grew up, like most women, with a lot of shame and judgment around my sexuality, and a lot of toxic conditioning around my body.

My first sexual experiences were mixed up with lot of pain and confusion, and sex just became this way to keep and please my partners. I was completely disconnected from myself, my body, and my own pleasure. And quite honestly, didn’t even realize that sex and my sexuality could be about me. I wasn’t even close to having the kind of orgasmic experiences I heard were possible, let alone any kind of orgasm. I started to feel like my body was deeply broken, and I was just one of those women that couldn’t orgasm and would never deeply enjoy sex, and I should just resign myself to that reality.

My lack of sexual pleasure created a lot of guilt, shame, and shut-down in me and my relationships, and a lot of emotional and psychological pain. I read so many books and articles and blogs about women’s sexuality and orgasm, but all of it felt like this simple ‘how-to guide’ that should just magically work. And, it didn’t.

I thought maybe my sexual challenge was a by-product of other internalized pain, so I did a lot of different healing and self-development work. I would feel myself making progress, but it never felt lasting. And every single healing methodology or modality I dove into left out sexuality.

A few years ago, I came across the work of, my now teacher, Layla Martin. One of the things I heard her say was, “if you’ve done a lot of other healing work and you aren’t seeing the results you want, you haven’t gone deep enough. Your sexuality is the deepest part of you.” I knew somewhere inside myself that that was true.

I invested in a few of her online classes in a desperate attempt to find the pleasure that had been so illusive to me. What she offered was incredibly powerful and profound and made me think about sex and my body in a completely new way. In the summer of 2017, I saw the opportunity to work with Layla intensively. Without hesitation, I signed up. I started an extensive year-long 600hr+ training through her school, the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, to become a Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach.

The training required me to dive deeply into my own sexuality, my own self-practice, my own shame, my own conditioning, and get to know the depths of myself. It was the most profound and powerful year of my life.

Now I get to help other women go on their own journey. I get to support women to come home to themselves through a sacred relationship to their sexuality and their bodies.

We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc. – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
I don’t think any type of deep transformation follows a smooth road. To be able to teach and coach others, I have to really embody what I’m teaching, and that requires looking at and continually working through what keeps me from my own sexual wholeness. In many ways that required – and still requires – me to explore the depths of my pain and grief, and also be brave enough to lean into the fullness of my joy, my aliveness, my radiance.

I also took a really big financial hit when I was completing my training. I wanted to devote all of myself to the training, and that meant no steady income. It was a really strained and stressful time financially, and I lived very frugally. I also put a lot of expenses on credit.

I had to keep stripping away things that weren’t in service of this work, and that also meant being out in the world less and being more isolated for a time.

Once I started offering this work, there was also the challenge and struggle of feeling worthy to guide others. The imposter syndrome would show itself, and I would question if anyone would trust me, if anyone would want what I had to offer, even though I knew it was profound and life-changing work.

In many ways, because I was in such a horrible place financially, I had to start showing up as a coach for women even when I didn’t feel totally ‘ready.’ That was such a gift. It helped me get out of my own way and showed me how little the work is about me. I saw immediately how necessary and vital it is for women to have a space to talk about and connect to their sexuality and the power of their own bodies, and have the tools to do it. It made me get over my insecurities really quick when I saw just how needed this work is.

We’d love to hear more about what you do.
I am a Sexual Empowerment Coach for Creative Women. I specialize in helping creative women feel alive and connected to themselves so they can connect to their power and their purpose. I create space for women to unwind toxic conditioning, heal from past trauma, re-write their sexual stories, and come home to their bodies and their sexual pleasure. I use sexuality as a vehicle for women to heal and re-connect to their authentic radiance so they can truly step into the fullness of who they are.

Because authentic sexuality has been so repressed and confused, it holds incredible transformation potential. It’s about so much more than sex. It’s about confidence. It’s about connection. It’s about intimacy. It’s about emotion freedom. It’s about authentic expression. It’s about our relationship to life itself. I help women plug back into themselves. I help them create an inner ecology of wholeness, where they can truly thrive because they belong to themselves.

I feel such a sense of pride when I get to witness women who were very shut down and disconnected because of sexual shame or trauma, start to come alive and know true safety inside of themselves. I’m so proud of the way my work helps women really embody and feel their worthiness and their magic on the deepest levels. Its incredible when women tell me they’ve spent years in therapy, are regular meditators, practice yoga, and have done so much work to heal, but that the work we do together around sexuality is the most profound and powerful work they’ve ever done. And they are seeing real shifts almost immediately.

What sets me apart as a coach, is really the nature of the work. There are not many people I know who work with sexuality at all, let alone sexuality as a healing modality. And the work I do is very different than therapy. It centers around practices and processes that help women release pain and trauma on a body-level. The work helps women digest negative experiences and conditioning at the deepest levels. And it’s about using pleasure to create resilience and goodness so the healing is lasting. The absence of pain doesn’t create wholeness, it doesn’t create vibrancy and radiance. But pleasure does. A woman coming home to all of herself and her body is what creates wholeness.

Another thing I work with that I think is incredibly unique, is helping women create safety. A lack of safety is the number one thing I see that holds women back from their full expression, the blossoming of their sexuality, and their ability to show up fully in their lives and relationships. It’s also something most women don’t think about not having. I certainly didn’t. But, a lack of safety was at the root of most of what held me back, and I see that reflected in the women I work with.

My approach to sexuality and pleasure is also different than what is mainstream. It invites women to see what’s possible in a world where there is very little information about sexual wellness outside of pornography and sex shops. My work is intended to expand a woman’s definition of what is possible for her through her own embodied experience. Through her own exploration of how her body works, not an idea of what it’s supposed to look like. We’ve all grown up seeing our sexuality through the lens of the male experience. But female sexuality operates in a completely different way. This work helps women open up to what is uniquely them, and be able to celebrate that and make it a joyful and healing part of their life.

Has luck played a meaningful role in your life and business?
I like the idea of luck, but I think there’s something more concrete at play. I suppose some might call it luck that a woman heard me on a podcast or a friend invited someone to one of my events, and she ends up working with me. But it feels like something deeper than luck drew me to this work. Something deeper than luck connects me and the women I work with.

Even if there was some ‘luck’ that paved the way, my desire and love for this work is the driving force that allows it to grow. The depth of this kind of work takes skill, presence, and a level of dedication that moves beyond luck into something much more grounded, substantial, rich, and meaningful.

Contact Info:

• Website: whitneyullom.com
• Email: whitneyullom@gmail.com
• Instagram: @whitneyullom

Image Credit:
Huffman Oaks

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