Life & Work with Michèle Haines of Hollywood

Today we’d like to introduce you to Michèle Haines

Hi Michèle, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
Well, if it wasn’t for Osama Bin Laden’s shenanigans, I’d be knee-deep in crime scenes as a forensic photographer with the Baltimore police right now. 9/11 derailed that dream and set me on a very meandering path that eventually led back to my comedic roots.

When I was little, my grandfather nicknamed me “the Comedienne”, but never did I imagine actually becoming one. I was my family’s entertainment, impersonating anyone who crossed my path, including family members, teachers, and many of the male characters on SNL, especially my favorite, Chris Farley. I can’t wait to die so I can meet him! 😀 Kidding. I’ll wait. I love the contrast of blasting through my petite girl frame into big, gruff, manly.. whatever.

I think what truly got me where I am now, was when my dad passed away. It really hit me that life’s too short. And made me think, “what is it that I really love to do?” I pulled myself out of the lowest state by creating an animated short, and modeling one of the characters after my father. The short, Sam the Ham, won Best Experimental at the Los Angeles FEEDBACK Animation Film & Screenplay Festival 2018.

I spent years immersed in the improv and voiceover worlds, before landing in my Goldilocks Zone with standup and hosting. I’ve been described as a “shot out of a canon” natural-born comedic storyteller. Every day is an adventure and my material comes from my real-life experiences with impersonations mixed in.

I feel that Entertainment and adding levity to someone’s life is a service. I can’t help but find the humor in everything, even in the darkest times, like when my dad was dying or when I was almost killed by someone. Funny moments never get passed me. And I appreciate this in other comics as well – finding the fun in everything.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Ha! That really did make me laugh out loud. There’s no such thing as a smooth road. And if that road exists, it’s probably not worth traveling.

My motto is Do It Anyway. When the fear and doubts creep in and are amplified – “I can’t, I’m not ready, I’m terrified….” – do it anyway.
Don’t ever let fear get in the way of your dreams. “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~ one of the most un-annoying quotes, by Joseph Campbell

My biggest problem is me. Getting in my own way is a constant battle. My worst fear next to spiders is singing in front of a live human. Both irrational. I never even sang Happy Birthday out loud around family and friends. I’d just mouth the words and no one noticed that no sound was coming out. For some reason, I was inspired to write parody songs all of sudden during the 2020 pandemic. Maybe it was one of the good side effects of the virus hahaha… The songs just poured out of me, and when it came time to perform one, I thought there’s no way… But I made myself do it. Knees rattling and whole body tremoring, I belted it out for the first time at a club in LA to a very receptive crowd, and then kept on going. The first song is a parody of Les Misérables (“I Dreamed a Dream”), called Más Misérables ~ to loosely mean more miserable than miserable. All about my experiences working a soul-sucking survival side job.
It’s really difficult to stay afloat in LA. I just saw a little box of strawberries selling for $25. Seriously… They didn’t even have pearls inside of them. I checked. Staying afloat is a constant struggle. I OverDraw my bank account so often and refer to it as OD’ing. It used to keep me from pursuing my dreams, but once I started focusing on them, regardless of my constant monkey wrenches, things began spiraling upward very quickly and I’m set to go on a mini comedy tour. How on flat earth am I gonna pull this off, having to self-fund my travel and all, while constantly OD’ing?? hahhaha I don’t know yet, but I will make it happen. My Dad used to say, “There’s no such thing as ‘can’t'”. Which was probably inspired by his military service. Or Yoda.

As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
In addition to standup, comedic storytelling, and MC’ing, I also host a podcast with my mom, Babsie, called On the Line with Babsie. The audience is basically eavesdropping on our phone calls. And sometimes I introduce my mom to a guest. Babsie is, by nature, the silliest human being. She’s the most charming, vibrant, naturally funny person, whose brain operates in a whole other realm.
When I started working for soundBOX:LA recording studios, I asked the owner, my friend, Tim Friedlander, if I could try a little experiment. He recorded us and was in stitches the entire time, saying we have to keep doing this. He calls Babsie, “America’s Mom”. So we’ve been recording ever since.

We’d love to hear about how you think about risk taking?
After my father died and a cascade of horrible events, I felt a strong pull to move to LA.
I had completely lost myself, but was revived and filled with hope after an incredible intuitive reading with a psychic, right before her stint in jail. I didn’t have much of a plan, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had to come out here with my kitty soulmate, Peanut.
When I follow my heart and gut, despite uncertainty, the path opens up with synchronicities lighting up the way, and I feel I’m in my purpose. I get knocked down again and again, but I get up and keep going.

I feel that when I’m truly in my purpose, I have to keep forging ahead even through all the uncertainty. Right now, I have a comedy tour planned and no idea how I’m actually going to pull it off. Sometimes I burst into tears from the overwhelm, and then right back to work. I have to make it happen. I have awesome, supportive friends who don’t hesitate to jump right in with me and encourage me to keep blazing forward. And I’ve even put my Mom to work hahaha… Integrity is number one. With integrity, hard work and dedication to my purpose, it has to work out. And my peeps and fam are coming with me. As long as I don’t drop dead from overwhelm first hahaha…
Oh, Chris… I don’t need to meet you, yet.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://CheleOnEarth.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheleonearth
• Youtube: https://youtube.com/@cheleonearth?si=Dsi8CJ63bvRtAGef

Image Credits
Personal photo: B.A. Van Sise

Additional Photos 1, 2, 3: B.A. Van Sise

Photo 7: Matthew Fowler