Chris Gillis on Life, Lessons & Legacy

We’re looking forward to introducing you to Chris Gillis. Check out our conversation below.

Chris, it’s always a pleasure to learn from you and your journey. Let’s start with a bit of a warmup: Would YOU hire you? Why or why not?
Yeah, 100%, I’d hire me. And not just because of what I “know”. Truth is, there are a lot of smart coaches out there. But I’d hire me because I actually give a sht*. I’m in the trenches with my guys, not up on some pedestal throwing theories and cheap pickup tactics around that only deliver temporary results. I know what it’s like to be a good man who feels stuck, overthinks everything, and can’t figure out why the women he wants aren’t showing up nor sticking around.
I’ve done the work on myself, and I teach from real experience which means I’m relentless about helping men actually change. Not just feel inspired for a week, but actually transform how they show up with women and in their lives. I build trust fast, I’m honest, and I know how to take complex emotional stuff and make it feel doable, even for guys who think they’ll never ‘get it’.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I grew up as the oldest son in a family full of powerful female personalities, and I learned early that emotional intelligence wasn’t optional. It was key to survival and getting what I needed. I had to know how to read the room, calm storms, and hold space. That shaped how I show up in the world, even now. I didn’t grow up thinking I’d be a dating coach, but looking back, I was being trained for it from day one.

I always thought I’d end up in medicine – specifically I wanted to be a plastic surgeon. I loved anatomy, neuroscience, and human behavior, i.e how we’re wired, why we do what we do, and what actually leads to change. I got deep into psych studies, communication theory, anything I could get my hands on. But what kept pulling at me wasn’t reconstructing bodies. It was and has always been fixing connections. I wanted to understand attraction, confidence, and why some people click while others feel invisible.

Growing up I had chapters of my life where I was outgoing, popular and magnetic, and other times when I ate lunch alone in a classroom because I felt like a loser – completely out of place. After college, I worked and excelled in various sales roles that usually involved a teaching element for new/emerging products, which is basically learning how to communicate clearly and connect quickly with all kinds of personalities to get them to want to understand something new. So when guys come to me now saying “I’m good at my job, I’m kind, I take care of myself… but I feel invisible to women,” I get it. I’ve lived both sides of that story.

What changed for me and what I now teach wasn’t some trick or hack. It was years of learning how to be the most grounded, present, emotionally attuned version of myself. And that’s what I teach now. I coach good, kind men and help them finally feel powerful, attractive, and in control of their dating lives. Not by pretending to be someone else, but by becoming more of who they really are.

Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What was your earliest memory of feeling powerful?
Honestly, it took me a long time to feel real power. Not performative confidence. Not “fake it till you make it.” Actual power.

People see me now and assume I was always this grounded, cool, confident guy. That wasn’t the case at all. I was skinny as a rail, covered in acne, plastic framed glasses, insecure, judgmental of myself and others, and constantly in my head. I tried to compensate by being smart, observant, or agreeable, but underneath that was a lot of self‑criticism and anger at the world.

Eventually, that way of living caught up with me physically, mentally and relationally. What’s interesting is that the moment I felt powerful didn’t come after everything was resolved. It came right in the middle of it.

That was the first time I realized I actually had a choice.

Not a motivational poster kind of choice, but a real one. I could keep treating myself the way I always had and keep getting into the relationships I always got, or I could commit to taking care of my my mind, mental health and my spirit in a way I never had before. I had to decide what aspects of me I was willing to let die off in order for the possibilities to create the life I claimed I wanted.

Ultimately, “power” for me, ended up not being about dominance, changing my appearance, making money gaining confidence or control. It was about responsibility for how I was showing up for myself in my own life… learning to love and choose myself. Choosing to stop abandoning my own needs. That’s when things started to shift, not just in my mental health, but in my relationships, my dating life, and even work.

What did suffering teach you that success never could?
Suffering taught me humility and empathy in a way success never could.

When things are going well, it’s easy to build an identity around that confidence, and momentum. You start believing that who you are is tied to how well things are working or what you have. Suffering strips that illusion fast. It takes away the external proof and asks a much harder question: who are you when NOTHING is validating you?

I learned that my worth couldn’t be negotiated with circumstances. That even when I was broke, lonely, sick, or unsure of myself, I was still responsible for how I treated my body, my mindset, and the people around me.

It also taught me patience. The kind that doesn’t rush healing or demand clarity before taking the next step. You learn how to sit with discomfort without panicking or reaching for distractions or numbing addictions.

Without suffering, I don’t think I would trust myself the way I do now. I know what I’m capable of picking myself back up when things fall apart. I know I don’t disappear anymore. I get steadier now. That kind of confidence doesn’t come from wins. It comes from inner trust created when surviving your own doubts and choosing to keep going anyway.

So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. Where are smart people getting it totally wrong today?
They’re mistaking exchanging information for connection.

Great you graduated from an awesome school. Yeah, you can quote a study. Oh, you have a ton of money saved up? But if you can’t sit across from another human being, look them in the eye, and speak plainly from the heart, then what are we even doing?

A lot of brilliant people out there are sharp in the head and lost in the body. They can debate you logically into a corner but couldn’t walk into a date and have a real moment of warmth or laughter without scanning for what’s socially acceptable first.

They’ve trained themselves out of being what it means to be human.

The world doesn’t need more geniuses. It needs people who are emotionally fluent. People who can hold a long pause or silence without blowing up or shutting down. People who know how to make others feel safe.

I coach men every day who are near or literal geniuses in their careers and completely frozen when it comes to vulnerability. They’ve read all the books. They’ve watched all the podcasts. They’ve got the language down. But when it’s time to actually feel something? Poof. They’re checked out. Numb. Overthinking. Or trying to logic their way through intimacy. Which is just not possible

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
Hmm… good question. Not much really. That’s how I know I’m on the right path.

This is only the second time in my life I’ve felt this grounded and this powerful, where I can look at how I’m spending my time and say, “Yeah… this feels really aligned with who I am and what I want.”

Maybe I’d tweak some minor things. Delegate better. Let myself settle in and cuddle up into the good stuff more instead of just building all the time. Grow more so I can help more people, grow and reward my team for all that they do.

But I wouldn’t quit a damn thing.

Except dairy. That’s started messing me up at night. Which is tragic. Because I love root beer floats.

Also, I love answering these kinds of questions. They make me pause and reflect. I love learning more about myself than expected.

So thanks for that:)

Contact Info:

• Website: https://consultantchris.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/consultantchris
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/consultantchris
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61556009036057
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@ConsultantChris

Image Credits
Chris Gillis.