After experiencing years of rejection, disappointment, and broken promises I am not sure what possessed me to believe that I was capable of being in a successful relationship. I had never been with one man longer than 5 months, and I didn’t quite feel beautiful enough to be with my “King.”
People know me as the “Queen” who uplifts other “Queens.” Having girlfriends was never my issue, it was a fear of commitment that would have me gasping for air. I wasn’t sure if extremely ambitious women could have both the bae & the bomb career. Would you have to sacrifice one for the other? I knew that I could still rule a “kingdom” without a “King” to do it, but on the lonely days I imagined it may make things a little easier and a lot more fun.
Then one day out of the blue my college crush reached out to me. I immediately fell in love. February 9th, 2017 was one of the happiest days of my life, but inside I was so nervous. Do I actually know how to be a great girlfriend? I was used to dating a man I could tell what to do, or boss around. He wasn’t that type of King. His ideas and perspective mattered, and he was not shy about sharing his opinion with me even if it didn’t agree with mine. We loved hard. I remember when our first argument and break up happened. He didn’t understand my religious views and he began to question whether this was going to work. I told him my Pastors weren’t sure if this was the best choice, especially since we were so drastically different in spiritual maturity.
We broke up on March 16th, 2017 in the parking lot of an ice-cream store because I didn’t know how to explain to him that I myself wasn’t sure of his religious principles in question; especially since I myself was in limbo with God. It was devastating. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I prayed and asked God if this was the right choice. A week later he reached out and I felt my prayers were answered. I told my Pastors this was the man that I was going to marry regardless of his spiritual maturity, and we got back together. At first it was so easy, as love always is. I just wanted him to be with me. Nothing deep. Eventually this still small voice kept pushing me to pursue my dreams. There was no consideration of my life partner; especially when it came to my destiny. I was longing for so much more in my life and I needed a way out. I left the church I was at and to top that off I quit my job 2 months later. No plan except to pursue my childhood dream of starting my entertainment company and moving to LA to become the next Oprah. I quickly realized it wasn’t that easy. My savings and my hope dried up within two months of these life moves. I watched the love in my Kings eyes quickly begin to fade month after month. I knew he wasn’t happy. The woman he fell in love with was changing. My dream was in competition with my relationship and my career won. He broke up with me on May 31st, 2018. I didn’t believe it was real. For months I begged him to come back. I replayed over and over in my head what I could have done differently to salvage our love.
I’m not saying he was a Saint, because he had his issues as we all do. I just knew that he was a great man, a King at that, and I had been set up for failure. I didn’t know how to love him, because I was in the process of loving me. One day on my journey of healing I realized that I didn’t want another woman to make the same mistake I did. Sometimes on our journey of becoming the “Queen” that we are called to be we have to experience pain in order to elevate to our next level. At the moment it can feel crippling, devastating, and even life shattering but eventually it gets better. Through this process I decided I wouldn’t stop creating because of the loss of love, instead I used it as inspiration to executive produce “The Making of a King”. A documentary that shares the candid stories of black men and their struggles to become the Kings they are called to be. I wish this was around when I needed it.
There are 3 things in this journey of becoming a Queen that I learned and must share:
- The right man will love you through the hardest of times. Struggle isn’t intimidating to him, instead it is an opportunity for you both to grow closer.
- Honesty is the best policy. If you need help, please ask for it. Seek out a mentor. Reach out to a friend. You don’t have to do it alone.
- The old saying is true: We often treat others the way we treat ourselves. Learn to love and respect yourself FIRST. When you are in a great place it makes life so much easier to enjoy.
I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can say that in the bravery to move forward I have seen some of my best work unfold right in front of my eyes. The Making of a Queen isn’t an easy process, but it is so worth it. Over this past year I have seen my company grow in ways I could never imagine, I have moved into my own place, poured into the lives of hundreds of women, and I’m living my life intentionally with vulnerability and an open heart. I may have lost love, but I am grateful for the wisdom I gained. Keep going. You are a Queen in the making.
XOXO ~ Whitley Porter
Connect with Whitley:
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Instagram: @whitley_porter
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Website: www.whitleyporter.com
Yvonne Mwazo
October 13, 2019 at 18:26
This is so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Everyone should read this!
Brit
October 13, 2019 at 22:24
This is an open and honest look at what could be perceived as a mistake. But everything that happens in life lends itself to the opportunity to make two choices: repeat or learn. Hats off to Whitley for transcending, for pushing forward and learning. She’s produced something wonderful with her company. But what’s most important is that she’s created in herself the Queen she was always meant to become.
Da'Lisha
October 15, 2019 at 03:05
This is really uplifting. As a single woman, I find myself often reflecting on what it means to be a queen for myself and how to properly project that to the world. I think a lot of the time, we as women may find ourselves stagnant in our thinking because we are focusing on a king or finding one. However, understanding that we are queens and that our king(s) will find us and be able to whether any storms we may encounter with us is essential. Your article is really eye opening; the actual documentary was too. It allowed me to see that kings go through in depth reflection of themselves, how they are perceived, and how to treat/find their queen(s) as well.
Kim Scott
October 22, 2019 at 05:40
Such an honest and vulnerable piece! Anyone who reads this can find themselves in some part of this story!