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Meet Shari Karney of ROAR As One in Santa Monica

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Today we’d like to introduce you to Shari Karney.

So, before we jump into specific questions, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I faced the same gender discrimination that Ruth Bader Ginsburg (“RBG”) did.

After graduating from U.C.L.A. Phi Beta Kappa, summa cum laude, I went on to law school and graduated from Loyola Law School in Los Angeles. Law school was both an opportunity and a horrifying experience being the first class to have a significant number of women students. Prior to the 1970’s, law school classes were filled with men. My first week of law school, I asked my Contracts professor, “Why is the only standard of reasonableness, ‘men’.” He replied, “Everybody knows there is no such thing as a reasonable woman.” It only got worse from there. A professor sexually assaulted me as a 1L (first-year law student), and then gave me a C- in the class, deducting grade points for “poor class participation.” Professors felt we were taking away the seats of serious male students who would have families to support. Judges treated us like second class citizens. I was thrown out of court one day for wearing a black pant suit. The judge barked, “Go home, and come back dressed like a woman!” I did go home to change my clothes. But unbeknownst to me, so did my male colleagues. Everybody came back to court the next day wearing a dress.

Big law firms weren’t hiring 99% of the women in my class. One or two women got top paying jobs. The rest of us were saddled with massive student loans and facing low paying legal jobs. I was often referred to as a “paralegal” or a “legal secretary” even after being licensed to practice law both in the California State and Federal Courts. Out of desperation, I started working for an aviation law firm handling airplane crashes. All my clients were dead, so I had great client-attorney relationships! I was the only female lawyer and non-pilot in the firm. The male attorneys treated me like a secretary, and the secretaries whispered behind my back and refused to have anything to do with me. I decided to start moonlighting at a women’s domestic violence clinic. A social worker, Rose had heard about my work at the clinic and visited me unexpectedly one day at the aviation law firm. Rose asked me to take “Katie’s case.” Katie was a three-year-old child who was being sexually abused by her father during weekend visitations. At first, I refused and didn’t want to get involved. Rose shamed me into it. “What is it with you lawyers!” she protested. “Nobody wants to get their hands dirty to help a little girl who’s being sexually abused.”

I agreed to meet Katie, who was locked up in McLaren Hall, ‘baby jail’ for juvenile offenders of all ages and crimes. Ever since the mother had accused the ex-husband of sexually abusing Katie, the father accused the mother’s boyfriend. The court, not knowing who to believe, took Katie away from both parents until the matter could be sorted out in Family Law Court, Juvenile Court, and three different courthouses in two separate counties, hundreds of miles apart. Katie was going to be in juvenile hall for a long time between hearings and court appearances.

Walking down the dark grey tinged hallway, with locked juveniles shouting obscenities at me, I saw this little child crying, holding a one-eyed teddy bear. The guard pointed to Katie sitting on the floor. I picked her up in my arms and rocked her until she stopped sobbing. I whispered in her ear that I was going to protect her. That everything was going to be okay. Later, I would come to regret those promises I made to Katie. But there was no going back after seeing the child. I called Rose the next day and said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you pull some strings and get her out of baby jail, I’ll look into representing her.”

JAILED
During the process of taking on Katie’s case, while cross-examining her charming, good looking, child sex abusing, winking-at-the-judge, smiling, smirking father, I reached over the witness stand in Los Angeles County Family Court, grabbed the accused child molester by his throat and began strangling him. I couldn’t stand hearing this man’s voice. Not one more word or excuse. Not one more lie. He knew what he had done to his daughter, and I knew it. Somewhere in the space between his utterances and the CLACK-CLACK-PING-SLAM sound that had been thundering in my head during the custody hearing, I snapped. The typing sound was flooding my sensory input. When I asked the father how many times he touched his daughter’s genitals, my temples were pounding, my teeth clenched. When he answered, “over 200 times.” Next question I fired at him, “And for what possible reason did you touch your baby daughter’s genitals, when he answered, “to medicate her,” I reached across the witness stand and attempted to strangle him. I had my fingers around his thick neck, squeezing as hard as I could when the bailiff handcuffed me and slammed me to the ground. The courtroom broke into pandemonium, but the typing finally stopped.

While that stunt landed me in jail and could have ended my career, it actually freed my muted and unknown inner aspects.

After spending two nights in jail, the judge was furious and called me into his chamber. “Ms. Karney, you have dishonored my courtroom and the entire legal profession. I have never seen such shocking and unprofessional conduct in a courtroom.”

“You have three choices. You can go back to jail for contempt of court indefinitely, you can be reported to the bar, or you can choose to enter into court-monitored therapy to find out why you behaved the abominable way you did. I will personally monitor your therapeutic progress. If you miss even one session or arrive late, I will have an officer of this court pick you up and haul you back here. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, your honor, very clear. Thank you, your honor, I’m sorry your honor, I don’t know what overcame me, your honor. Please, I choose counseling,” I said with my head down, my face red with shame.

I picked counseling but I didn’t think I needed it. I rationalized and told myself stories about how anyone would have throttled the child molester son-of-a-bitch. I hoped for drive-thru-therapy. Some granola-eating Los Angeles woo-woo type therapist that I could outwit and lawyer over. My hope was dashed in the first five minutes of my session as she was tougher and meaner than the judge. She was a no holds barred, kick-ass therapist and all efforts to outsmart or lawyer my way out of it were doomed to failure before the words were half out of my mouth. She would pump her Bruno Magli size five shoes up and down, like a petite Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and then fire a penetrating shattering question at me that made me wish I had chosen jail. She saved my life.

THERAPY-Who Me? Nothing is Wrong with Me!
In the process of therapy, I uncovered my own repressed memory of incest with my father, rape as a child from another person, and physical and sexual abuse from my mother. Memories came flooding back of mama trying to kill me by holding a pillow over my face, only to be saved by a ringing phone. And the memories of the child sexual abuse came out with tears, pain, and a breaking. I felt like my skin was being flayed or burned, scraping off the old burned skin, to reveal the real me. Agony and rebirth.

After I got memory, I needed to break silence. To take the shame, self-blame, guilt, and hatred I felt toward myself, and place it squarely where it belonged, on my abusers. To heal, I needed to take action. How could I sit by, know the devastation the abuse caused me, and let it happen to another little girl or boy?

I began representing sexually abused children. I never won a single case. The child was either returned to the sole custody of the abuser, the court insisted on family reunification no matter the evidence or harm, and protective parents were blamed and tried. The perpetrators escaped scot-free. I had made a promise to Katie. That promise was broken. Katie was returned to her father for six months of monitored visitation and then unmonitored visitation for the rest of her childhood, where the sexual abuse continued. I had gone to jail and court-ordered into therapy. Katie was ordered into therapy, and Katie’s mother was ordered into therapy and risked losing custody over Katie for trying to protect her. The only person not ordered into therapy or suffering any consequences was Katie’s father.

This only fueled my fury. So, I started adding to my caseload, teenage sex abuse survivors. But they ended up unable to endure the rigors of a legal system stacked against them. Parents, the church would buy them off with cars, promises, and threats.

My legal work began to grab the media’s attention. I was doing popular morning shows in Los Angeles and some national daytime talk shows. Survivors began calling me, telling me they wanted to hold their abuser accountable. The problem was that in California at the time, the statute of limitations (time period for filing a personal injury lawsuit) had run out. Victims had only until their 19th birthday. I was near thirty when I recovered memory. The statute of limitations was punishing the victims, especially the youngest sex abuse victims because they were more likely to repress all memory.

I was furious. I and another incredible woman lawyer decided to take cases of sex abuse survivors who were past their statute of limitations. One test case was Jane Doe v. John Doe, that went all the way up to the California Supreme Court.

In the meantime, the unfairness of it all ate away at me like a flesh-eating bacterium. Every time a new client contacted me; it was like air hitting my fury until I was consumed by the flames.

The law in California had to be changed. I couldn’t tell one more survivor “Sorry, the time for holding your rapist, child molester, sexual assaulter responsible had lapsed, there’s nothing you can do.”

CHANGED THE LAW IN CALIFORNIA FOR CHILD SEX ABUSE SURVIVORS-LANDMARK
Five years later, and hundreds of hours of pro bono work and assuming all the expenses, my law partner with the outstanding sponsorship and talented navigation by Senator Bill Lockyer, we got the California legislature to pass one of the most progressive bills for child sex abuse victims of our time. The new law recognized the theory of “delayed discovery” like in asbestos cases, to toll the running of the statute of limitations in child sex abuse cases until the victim’s 26th birthday, or three years from the date of discovery of the psychological impact and damages from the abuse. It was landmark at the time and remained the foundation for other state legislatures nationwide.

My life story actually became a TV movie on NBC called “Shattered Trust: The Shari Karney Story.” Melissa Gilbert played me, and it was in the top 10 highest-rated television movies in NBC’s history. The movie attracted 12 million viewers in the United States and 18 million viewers worldwide. Men and women who had never told a soul about what happened to them as children were breaking the silence and speaking out.

For over 20 years, I have represented victims of sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and child sexual abuse. I pioneered landmark legal victories for victims of childhood sexual abuse and assault in California so that victims now have extended legal rights to take action against predators. I went on to overcome enormous personal and legal hurdles to change the law in California, extending the statute of limitations so that victims of childhood sexual abuse now have expanded legal rights and can use civil litigation to seek justice in California.

CONSULTED COSBY BILL CALIFORNIA-Eliminated the Criminal Statute of Limitations for Rape, Campus Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence and Continuous Criminal Child Sex Abuse

I more recently consulted with the California Women’s Law Center on the “Cosby Bill” to eliminate the criminal statute of limitations for victims of rape, sexual assault and, continuous child sexual abuse, to give victims the justice they so desperately seek and have too long been deprived of in California. Governor Jerry Brown signed the legislation into law (SB 813) on September 28th, 2016.

Today, I realize it’s still not enough. Survivors nationwide, in the federal government, the 50 states, and the District of Columbia do not have access to justice to hold their abusers civilly accountable. Underneath my tough exterior is a young activist idealist who believes in justice, and that right will prevail, and survivors will have their day in court. I did not anticipate accused institutions like The Catholic Church and third parties, spending millions of dollars to defeat justice for survivors so that their victims could not recover against them.

SURVIVOR OF CHILD SEX ABUSE, RAPE, CAMPUS SEX ASSAULT
As a survivor of sexual harassment, campus sexual assault, date rape, and child sexual abuse and physical abuse, I understand what survivors are going through. By speaking out about my own sexual assault, whether I am speaking publicly at universities or on national television as a guest, I want to help people understand the complex emotional issues and struggles faced by survivors and find ways to overcome, change, and heal. My goal is to minimize survivor’s trauma while maximizing healing, recovery, and justice. Legal action is just one prong on the healing journey. My mission is to help victims take back their power through healing.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
The road has been rugged, painful, and sometimes frustrating.

I lost my family. First to denial, then shunning, and then blame. I was the catalyst that tore the perfect family apart. I spoke my truth, I broke my silence, my family abandoned me. My father said in a statement to the Oprah show, that “He’s not saying he didn’t do it; he’s only saying he doesn’t remember.” My mother, after denial, more denial, and resolute denial wrote me a letter after the movie aired. In it, she asked for my forgiveness and offered the fig leaf of reconciliation. As I was reading her letter, she suffered massive heart failure and died. I never had the chance at reconciliation.

STALKED
Because I was strident and fiery on television about going after perpetrators, a man self- identified as a child molester began stalking me. Leaving terrifying, sickening threats, voice mail messages, sending letters written on tiny pieces of paper, and calling me a “cunt bitch” that he was going to torture, murder and do to me, “what John Wayne Gacy did to his victims.” He continued his murderous threats by saying, “I am going to do to you what was done to you as a child.”

On a personal level, the road has not been easy. I have had to learn how to trust, how to love, how to view sex as a gift, a healthy human pleasure without guilt or feeling victimized. I still carry the tattoo of child sex abuse. On the Harry Potter ride at Universal Studios, I had a full-blown panic attack after the young man put the safety lever down and I felt trapped.

I am a cancer survivor. Cancer really changes your timeline, priorities, how you see yourself. It is an ugly disease. People called me brave. I wasn’t brave at all. I cried I had meltdowns, I felt angry, I felt my life was over, I felt cheated, I felt punished. Cancer taught me many things, better left for another time. One thing I know. As a cancer survivor, you know, in that intuitive knowing part we all have that there is an expiration date stamped on your life. For me, it means roll up your sleeves, it’s time to get busy. I cannot die without justice for survivors in my lifetime and the elimination of statutes of limitations, backward and forwards for child sex abuse survivors and other sexual violence survivors. That freedom from sexual violence is a human civil right. That is my legacy.

ROAR As One – what should we know? What do you do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
ROAR AS ONE NON-PROFIT-Justice for Survivors

In 2016, I decided it was time for me to create a new wave of awareness about how every woman’s life has been affected by sexual assault, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse, rape, and sexual violence. I founded and am the president of the nonprofit ROAR as One with the mission to seek justice for survivors who have been silenced, shamed, and blamed.

Currently, if you are a victim of child sex abuse, you may now be barred forever from holding your abuser accountable because of the statute of limitations (time period to sue or bring charges). Time to sue for money damages or to file criminal charges may have run out.

ELIMINATE ALL STATUTES OF LIMITATIONS FOR CHILD SEX ABUSE- “Karney USOL Act”

Roar as One believes there should be no statute of limitations for child sexual abuse, backwards and forwards civilly and criminally. We are working with the United States Congress on the “Karney USOL Act” to eliminate nationwide, the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse.

Women Empowerment Speaker. Having gone from The Perfect Family to the reality of incest survivor, rape victim, date rape survivor, campus sexual abuse survivor, I speak to audiences everywhere on empowering women. As women warriors, we need to Triumph Over Adversity, Heal Through Compassion, and Live with Courage. I am a nationally recognized speaker on the topic of S.H.E.: Speak. Heal. Empower. Speaking on college campuses across the country as well as keynoting at corporate, healthcare, and business events on women’s empowerment, overcoming adversity and how to live with courage. (www.sharikarney.com).

What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?
Passing landmark legislation in California extending the statute of limitations for survivors of child sex abuse, and because of the movie made about my life, Shattered Trust: The Shari Karney Story, it allowed me to work with 40 other states to pursue justice for survivors of child sexual abuse. Now, founding the nonprofit, ROAR As One, to pursue justice for all survivors of child sex abuse and sexual violence nationwide.

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