Meet Ekaterina Ilina of Konfident Kate in Playa Vista

Today we’d like to introduce you to Ekaterina Ilina.

So, before we jump into specific questions, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
After losing my mother at 17 and moving to the USA on my own I, Konfident Kate, was not always confident, as I struggled to define what it means to be a woman and how to become one. Throughout my journey which included domestic violence, depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and challenges associated with motherhood, I discovered that taking a bath is not just a simple self-care ritual but an opportunity for deeper awakening.

Has it been a smooth road?
I was born in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, a small town of the Sakhalin Island, located in the Far East of Russia, right next to Japan. My Dad worked as a pilot and my mother was a nurse. I had overall a great childhood. I loved my family and to my biggest shock when I was 17, I found out that my beloved mother had Cancer and only few months left to live. The Russian doctors told us that it is too late for any cure. Me and my brother went to Japan hoping we will have a chance there with better medical technology. In Japan, we learned that this brain tumor could be treated but it would cost us $150.000 surgery. We didn’t have this kind of money and unfortunately within two months, I watched my mother passing away in front of my eyes. Her last words to me were that she loves ME more than life. I felt that I loved HER more than life and my heart was broken. We were very close to each other and I didn’t know how to live without her love and support. Somehow, I put it all the pain in, decided that in America I will have a better life than in Russia and after a year informed my Father that I am going to USA. It was May 2006 I saved up from government support money for the loss parent a necessary amount of money to pay for a student program and a ticket. All I had left was 200$ and a lot of confidence that I will figure everything out on what to do next once I am in America.

Even though I liked creative field, I didn’t have enough bravery back then to pursue the profession of fashion designer or a hairstylist so I settled for the advice of my parents to get a degree that can be applicable in many companies since everybody always needs an accountant. I got bachelor’s degree in economics and Finances in Russia but I never have worked in this field up until this day. Right after finishing University, I moved to USA and my first jobs were Hostess in Italian Restaurant and Bicycle Rickshaw in San Diego. I worked sometimes 15 hours straight under the burning sun. Then I got a job in a coffee shop where I was getting stable hours but still would work 10-hour shifts and coming home at 2 AM from Monday through Friday after 3 AM on the weekends. I remember by the time I get ready for bed, the sun was rising, and the birds were singing by my window. The new day was starting, and my day was just finishing. I was waking up late the next day, go to work and do it all over again.

It was very hard for me and the best future I could imagine was getting a better job as a Waiter in a nice restaurant who has easier job and gets more tips. It was very challenging emotionally, mentally and physically. At the same time, I was in a not stable relationship, struggling with my self-esteem issues from time to time I could not see the light in the end of the tunnel for myself and on some days when I would come from a night shift, having another fight with my man I was standing on 8th floor balcony and thinking about suiciding. I was asking myself will I have a better life and I didn’t believe I would. I didn’t have answers about my future and didn’t see any excitement about life in general. I felt like I was failing. I came to America believing this is a country of opportunities and that I will have a better life there, but reality was completely different and I felt so ashamed even to share to anyone from my country about my worries including my Father.

Feeling that I can no longer be in that emotionally draining and controlling relationship, I took few bags of my stuff, put it in the car and left the house where we left. I didn’t have place to live and I didn’t have a stable job. I was basically living in the car and asking friends for sleepovers. I remember when I wanted to buy a burger from a 1-dollar menu in McDonalds and I didn’t have enough money to pay for it. When I was in a very low point in my life I got into another abusive relationship. I was desperately looking for love and support, I felt that someone should give it to me since I have been trying so hard to establish good life in a new country. Starting from zero level was harder than I could imagine. I was very weak at that point, being very opened and naive I shared my soul to this man and it turned out to this emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abusive relationship, where I found out that he was dating multiple women at the same time, was lying about his identity and was threatening to kill me if I ever leave him. I was enslaved and only being at a complete desperation despite the fear after about two years, I was brave enough to go to the Police and start a case. The court started in October and went for long seven months. The case involved a lot of other people and witnesses, constantly new details coming out to the surface for me to deal with and it was draining.

Two abusive relationships in a row broke me completely as a woman. The only question that was repeatedly going through my head was: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I was hoping for a better life in this country and here I am completely on the bottom of life, being an inch from death. Why is this happening to me? How Am I a cause of it?
I felt that if there is a time to FIND OUT THE TRUTH, that IT IS NOW. I was ready to face it and started having honest conversations with myself. Luckily, I had part-time job that only required me to work few days a week and the rest of the time I could devote to myself. I was very scared to go outside and mostly spent all the time at the apartment. I was hungry to connect the dots of why these situations occurred, I was looking for answer on what is healthy relationship looks like, how can a woman express herself to attract honest and a nice man, how to talk to a Man openly about who Am I and what I want without being manipulated and hurt in the end. I was reading forums, blogs, signed up for all the newsletters on dating and finding true love. I was reading a book after book and was discovering new model of a relationship between Man and Woman then, I knew. It was so hard to believe that it can be real to me since my experience was so different. I didn’t see how I can apply those principles but continued to study.

Six months later, I registered at the dating website and was courageous enough to go on a date. I was not looking to meet the love of my life then, I was just bored sitting all that time at home and was a little adventurous to see whether I can communicate to Men differently now since I learned so many new things about how Men and Women are. I went on several dates and it was a very interesting experience. Soon after I won the case and got the protection order to move to another city. But on one of the dates, I met HIM. My dear and loved man that I share a family and a beautiful five years old daughter Adriana Rose with. We are together for six years now and my life has divided in two parts now: before and after I met HIM. My life turned around 180 degrees. I felt like a won a lottery. I was so happy with our relationship. I was able to experience all the finest things I could only dream of before with him. My man treats me like Queen. He is so caring and thoughtful, understanding and supportive. I remember when I met him and was so at awe with how he treated me I made a nickname for him – AAA Angel. Which stands for Awesome, Amazing and Astonishing! He calls me Baby doll and I don’t know anyone in my life who is more kind, strong and the same time and so inspiring!

Since our family started, I had an opportunity to be stay at home Mom and it gave me a lot of time to REDISCOVER who I am, what I love and what makes me happy. Even though my new lifestyle was amazing, I have been struggling for several years with nightmares and panic attacks linked to my previous trauma from abusive relationships. I was dealing with self-worth and trust issues. I was afraid to be alone on the street and didn’t have any social media accounts. I was so scared to share anything about myself or my story because of feeling very ashamed about being abused; and, I was still afraid for my life. I was so paranoid to even fill out my home address at the doctor’s visit thinking that somehow it can be found by the man that has threatened to kill me and my relatives. My motherhood journey was not smooth either. I had a lot of resistance to it and went through difficulties raising our daughter during the first years. Regardless I knew that I am on the way to creating a better life for myself and I continued to study and invested over $100.000 into my education which included the best therapy work, personal development seminars, leadership circles, coaches, energy/healing practitioners and etc. I started seeing how a lot of women come for an advice to me and I was able to help them and inspire.

I decided to learn about human relationships deeper and went through a year coaching program in Russia. I dove deep into the psychology of Men and Women Relationships. A topic of femininity and beauty was so interesting to me that I went and started together with two girlfriends Inna and Elena the Fashion Brand @Lunabelladress specialized in feminine and elegant dresses. I learned a lot about makeup and cosmetics seeing that how a woman carries and presents herself makes a huge difference in communication with the world, not just Men. I went through makeup artist school and got my diploma attending in one year all the live events of Makeup Gurus of our times such as Mario Dedivanovich, Elena Kryigina, Olga Tomina and Goar. I wanted to be able to speak on public better so that my message can go worldwide and went to Ukraine to study Business coaching and Public Speaking with one of the best trainers in that area Isaac Pintosevich. Since then, I have been leading online courses, offline women circles and inspiring thousands of women through my Instagram platform.

I was already ready to go and not only talk to the neighbor girls but to start a Global Conversation with Women. I wanted so much to spread the message about how important it is to love, respect cherish yourself, know your self-worth, be Konfident in who you are and unapologetically own your uniqueness, never let anyone break your soul and if that happens have strong enough foundation to rediscover your own soul essence and find happiness and joy in life again. After all the horror that I went through despite my fear, I started an Instagram account KONFIDENT KATE. I used intentionally the word KONFIDENT to remind myself that I am the one who provides myself support and foundation to go out there and do what my soul wants to express. I know what I want, I believe in myself, I follow my heart and I enjoy life!

To see more of the world and get inspired, I traveled to 29 countries, USA was my 4th on this list. It was February 15th, 2017, I went to Maldives which was a dream place for me. It was meaningful to me to go there and no other islands because I used to think this place is only for very rich people and I don’t know if I can ever see it. It was time to declare that I want to enjoy life again and see all the beauty of it. This is what I wrote: My name is Ekaterina, I was born in Sakhalin Island, Russia but lived in San Diego, California, USA. Almost ten years, I have been inactive on Social Media but now I feel that I would like to share my story with the world.

Every New Year Eve, I pick a word that is will be the symbol of my next year. For 2017, I chose the word FREEDOM. Freedom of the thoughts – to be open to possibilities. Freedom of the body – to be more physically active. Freedom of choices – to listen and follow my heart. Freedom for moving – to travel the places I have not been yet. Freedom of self-expression – to DO what I love and enjoy! I see now how everything that has happened didn’t happen to me but happened for me. This is how Konfident Kate philosophy was born.

We’d love to hear more about your work and what you are currently focused on. What else should we know?
I have a lifestyle blog on Instagram and I am the author of the book “Rose Essence. Self Care as a lifestyle” where I reveal:

The power of the pause. How taking a pause is important in a busy life where everyone is focused on DOING. I show you how to slow down.

How to immerse yourself in self-care, ranging from budget to luxurious options.

How a simple #TheRoseEssence Game can help you find answers to all life’s questions.

Having experienced it myself, I now love reflecting on the rising questions such as:
Overwhelmed with social media and struggling to find real you? Experiences abuse, depression, anxiety and have not quite healed? Know about the importance of self-love and self-care, but you still feel out of balance? or From the outside your life looks awesome, but you still feel empty inside?

In the challenging time, we all going through with COVID-19 SELF-CARE became important like never before and I would like to share and inspire those who are interested to bring attention to this aspect of their life.

Is our city a good place to do what you do?
If we are talking about being creative and doing what you love, LA is the perfect place for that! It’s the most creative city on the Planet! There is so many creative people to meet and collaborate, there is so much inspiration in the nature and architecture, amazing events, restaurants, stores and of course SPAS!

Everything you need to be in the productive mode and recovery as well!

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/konfident_kate/

Image Credit:
Photo in the pool @saraandmaiko; Black and white with Rose @riversongphotography; Me and Adriana on the table @riversongphotography; Candles on the bathtub and me in the bathtub @yulia_shu; Me and Adriana with yellow and blue hair @isa_wipfli

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