Conversations with Dr. Sarah Milken

Today we’d like to introduce you to Dr. Sarah Milken.

Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
A little over two years ago, I was a “stay at home” mom with a Phd, with 14 and 16-year- old kids who needed less of my time. I started getting what I now call “the midlife itchies”.

This is how I describe the “midlife itchies”… Some of us midlife women have been moms and our kids are older. Some of us are bored and itchy for something to call our own…wanting a new personal brand identity, passion or project. I was looking to scratch that itch…but how? At that time, I hadn’t worked traditionally in 16 years, but I figured I could dust off my Phd in educational psychology, my love for podcasts, asking questions and researching information. But what would that look like? Then, for my 45th birthday, my 14-year-old daughter gave me a golden box filled with beautiful inscriptions from many of my friends. She asked them to write three things they thought about me…When I read the messages, they all had a similar theme, my “go-to friend who is my resource for everything.” A spark ignited!

I suddenly had an idea of what I was going to do in this new chapter of my life. I could use my ability to gather information and curate it for others, but how exactly would I do that? Many people told me to write a book. My husband convinced me that it was too solitary and I would be happier in a vessel where I could engage with people…another spark ignited! I got it! I can start a podcast about recreating myself in the second half of life….and bring midlife women along with me on this self-reinvention journey. I interview experts in mental, physical and hormonal health and very cool niche ideas that relate to the midlife woman…all things that could help us on this journey. I have also found that my solo episodes talking about my own life like “Pro tips from the diarrhea bowl…how to master the colonoscopy like a pro” are quite the hit too. Listeners love the guest episodes and the solos. I think my husband and teens are like “OMG, TMI!” Midlife self-reinvention is on! And, it would have to be “Sarah” style…smart, irreverent and edgy. And, the burning question…why the name the “Flexible Neurotic”? Many of my friends see me as the crazy researcher (neurotic), yet comfortable (flexible) once I have my information…hence The Flexible Neurotic Podcast was born!

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I think the biggest challenge was getting started. As a midlife woman at age 45, currently just shy of 48, it was hard for me and most of us to “start small”. Who wants to be entry-level again? Didn’t we already do that in our lives? How could I start a podcast and IG from scratch, no followers, no listeners, #brandnew. Creating this podcast and Instagram has been hard in every way but so meaningful. I muted my self-doubt…the inner b*tch that says “you can’t do that, how embarrassing” and the external peanut gallery with high school lunch table vibes of “you aren’t cool enough to do this publicly”. There are so many people who want to start something new, but they let their self-doubt, fear of failure or imposter syndrome stop them from even trying. I was one of those people. I thought, “Who am I to do this?”, but I decided to “be scared and do it anyway”… It’s always hard to take that first step… At times, it felt like running through the mall naked. You know people are watching and listening and you wonder if they are judging. I want people to know that my seemingly polished brand of The Flexible Neurotic is not polished. There is a lot of mess behind the scenes. I have no social media or podcast experience. I am running on gut, intuition, passion and intelligence…seeing what sticks.

When I started Instagram, I really did start from zero, but I learned along the way. I hadn’t even had a personal IG account or Facebook. I was social media illiterate. I want people to know that what we see on IG doesn’t always show the whole story. This is why in every episode of my podcast, I am sharing my own vulnerabilities and stories of my self-recreation journey. I talk about my teenagers, my husband and my parents. I am a real person going through all the same things you are! I think people should also know that they can ask for help. When I first started this journey, I worked with a life coach to help conceptualize my internal though process and break down my goals. Life coaches don’t tell you what to do. They help you sift through your ideas and figure out what your next “best step” will be. My husband, two teenagers and graphics and video coordinator help me fill in on my technological gaps. You don’t have to do it all yourself! This has been a big takeaway from this journey, the willingness to “learn on the go”. Another lesson learned in this “midlife remix” of mine is that we might not be able to choose our hormone status of the day, but there are things we can control. You can choose to stick with the “usual stuckness”, the comfort zone, or you can choose the other road…the road of liberation, trying new things and engaging in life in new ways…these choices might involve change or personal risk.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
With this podcast, I aim to inspire women to join me on the ride to self-recreate in the second half of life. Yes, I am on this journey too! We are using our golden sh*t shovels to dig deep and discover golden nuggets (actionable items) from the experts. It has always felt like women’s midlife issues have been seen as taboo. Why is midlife, perimenopause and menopause all about the “frumpy lumpies”? Why can’t we acknowledge the hormonal, physical and mental “ugh” and also discover the “new midlife sexy”…choosing ourselves in midlife. Midlife self-obsession is not selfish. It is necessary! We have taken care of our families and/or careers for so many decades and put ourselves on the back burner. This is our time! In this podcast and IG platform, I’m trying to create an “updated” midlife conversation in the community. While we are on this midlife self-reinvention journey, sometimes we can be nervous about taking the actions that we want to take because we are worried about how they are going to be perceived. We can not let the external peanut gallery’s judgment impact the decisions we make. Do you want to get Botox? Then make the appointment! Do you want to let your hair go gray? Then don’t grab that root touch-up! Do you want to go to a meditation retreat? Buy that ticket! Midlife isn’t about “fitting in”. It’s about “doing you”. What do YOU need? What makes YOU happy? What are YOU passionate about? This midlife self-recreation is about “choosing you”! I have also learned that It’s important to surround yourself with people who are going to be there for you on this journey, members of your “midlife table” and your “front row”… #midlifewomensupportingmidlifewomen.

This time of our lives can feel chaotic and difficult and it’s up to you to fill your midlife table with “supportive peeps”, not “mean girls”. High school “fitting in” is over! I am trying to inspire a new way of looking at midlife and menopause. It is not a midlife crisis that is traditionally characterized by buying pricey objects to fill a void or making irrational decisions without thinking of the consequences. I like to use my term, the “midlife remix”! This is looking within yourself to spark passion, creativity, self-care and self-love. On my podcast, I am trying to inspire women to create and navigate their “midlife remix”. I am here to normalize midlife issues with expert info and help midlife women feel less alone and more empowered. I am also here to laugh through the under-boob-sweat-filled, hot mess that is midlife. I am peeling back the midlife veil and through my personal experiences, showing you what I am going through on this journey. The ups & downs, small wins & big wins and the cries laughs. It’s all here!

The “midlife remix” is about taking control of how you want your midlife to look and feel, all while finding joy and satisfaction in each day and being ok with sh*t days and weeks that you know will eventually pass. Midlife isn’t just happening to you. We have control. I think another interesting aspect of this journey is the personal connection I have made with thousands of women. Every single person who follows my IG gets a personal message from me. I don’t have an automated bot. I feel that if you have taken the time to “follow” me, then you deserve a personal intro. I am the one who responds to all comments and dm’s. People ask me how I grew my following from zero to 30k in two years. This is how. Person by person…personal connection is key in this journey. There is no social media secret other than being genuinely you and personally connecting. We all want to be seen and heard, especially in midlife, when we might start feeling disconnected and irrelevant. Join me on this midlife self-reinvention journey!

Can you talk to us a bit about happiness and what makes you happy?
Midlife can feel frumpy, lumpy, sweaty and boring. But it can be sexy, productive, exciting and liberating. This is where I find my “happy”….finding my personal rhythm in midlife. There will be clunky days when the world feels heavy and you might not want to get out of bed or walk that mile… I have no energy and my brain is “fogged”. Then I have my flowy days where I am inspired, creative, and willing to exercise. LOL!. The beauty of midlife is that while the days are so different and a lot out of our control, there are some things that are in our control. We can make intentions to find out more about ourselves and what we are really hungry for in midlife. We can surround ourselves with women who are also personally evolving, asking questions and trying new things.

There are so many things that make me happy that are a direct result of my “midlife remix”. The things I love doing that make me happy are scratching my “midlife itchies”, silencing the peanut gallery, finding my passions, talking to the midlife community, reviving my VJ and putting me first. There are also things that I have left behind that make all the difference. I said goodbye to my inner “mean girl”, unsupportive people, pushing aside my feelings and no libido. I am becoming the midlife self that I couldn’t find on Amazon or at Nordstrom. I think I also secretly hoped that my husband would “solve” it for me although I never asked. And, you know that if he did hand me a self-reinvented identity, I would have said, “thanks but no thanks”! This is another thing I have learned along the way, we all have to do our own “work”. I have been able to achieve the things that make me happy and say goodbye to the ones that don’t because I put in the work to make those a reality. It doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.

You’re only one Flexible Podcast episode away from feeling “normal” in midlife.

Here are two of the 200-plus reviews on apple podcasts!

After “meeting” Sarah on IG, I have now ventured to her podcasts. They are hysterical, so relatable, so much fun, and full of genuine knowledge! As a fellow midlifer, it feels good to know you’re not in it alone and laugh about this mess we are all in together. She keeps it light and funny and will have you laughing out loud (so that people stare at you on the elliptical).

2nd review: I’ve just been following you for a few weeks…maybe a month at most… And you already have me taking steps to make changes/take steps I’ve been considering for a long time. Sometimes it’s not just the message but the right messenger at the right time…so thank you for all you are doing!

Contact Info:

• Website: theflexibleneurotic.com
• Instagram: @theflexibleneurotic
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@theflexibleneurotic8281