An Inspired Chat with Courtney ‘Coco’ Walls of Los Angeles, CA

Courtney ‘Coco’ Walls shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Courtney ‘Coco’, a huge thanks to you for investing the time to share your wisdom with those who are seeking it. We think it’s so important for us to share stories with our neighbors, friends and community because knowledge multiples when we share with each other. Let’s jump in: What are you being called to do now, that you may have been afraid of before?
As a recovering perfectionist, letting the light shine on you isn’t one of the easier things to do, especially when you’re comfortable letting others take center stage. It’s easier to hide, because the mistakes aren’t seen, but letting your work, your self, your inner world tangibly take shape is a level of vulnerability that some artists like myself struggle with. The fear of being seen. But to be seen is to be known, to be loved fully, and that’s something that hiding doesn’t allow for. The temptation to wait for “perfect” takes away from the authenticity that makes art emotional and visceral. As I grow more comfortable with who I am, both as an artist and person, that means letting go of control and letting my art simply be. I’m learning that I’m harder on myself than those who appreciate my work. I’m learning that allowing my work to be seen and critiqued allows me to sharpen my craft outside of a vacuum. I’m learning that I am allowed to take up space, imperfections and all.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Hi! I’m Courtney Walls, a writer, director, and sometimes actress based in Los Angeles. I am a violinist who loves the Lord, and I play with the group Good Friday’s LA, a worship collective that hosts worship nights and Bible studies all over the city.

In my film career, I’ve been fortunate enough to work and be part of some dynamic films and television series, including Top Gun: Maverick, Space Jam: A New Legacy, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Atlanta, Heels, Average Joe, and many more. Currently, I have shifted into creating my own work, and am working on season two of my web series, “I Only Drive at Night,” based on my experiences driving for food delivery and self-discovery.

As someone who knows what it’s like to live somewhat overlooked, my goal and hope as a filmmaker and creative is to tell stories that are honest and real. To look at spaces that are pushed to the side and spotlight what we tend to hide as people, stories of imperfections and flaws.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
I remember color. As a child, I always wore bright and distinct colors, loving how it made me feel. I loved art, and had various paint sets and watercolors that I’d play with, beginning to learn what it was like to create something from my own mind. I had an active imagination, and you could always find me in a nook somewhere, devouring stories and books like they were candy. I think I averaged a book a day at one point! Life was full of color, and emotion for me then. But as I got older, it seemed as if those things labeled me as childish and unprepared for life outside of a book. I was sensitive and sheltered, and as such was often walked over and left behind. As you grow older, you tend to learn coping mechanisms to deal with what you perceive as problems, and I found mine eventually. I exchanged being a cry baby for a dry wit, daydreaming for logical reasoning and became fully grounded in the “real world.”

But now having reached my current age, I’m finding myself reaching back for that child who had big dreams and bigger feelings. The little girl who first found our love for all things creative, in film, writing, in art, yet felt like she had to box herself in to be accepted. Older me is learning to unlock the doors on what feels safe in favor of what feels true. And honestly, it’s been a beautiful experience connecting those parts back together, to feel whole again.

When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
That’s a good question! I’d definitely say when I decided to make season one of my web series, “I Only Drive at Night.” I was lowkey lost at the time; the dual actors and writers strikes left film crew out of jobs for longer than I had anticipated. The longest I’d gone at the time without working was maybe two weeks – I stayed busy, which was a blessing! Film life was definitely part of my identity at the time, so as the strikes continued to drag out, I saw this part of my identity fading away, and began to slow down enough to see where I was truly at. Mentally, I was depressed yet somehow had a chip on my shoulder, and I was working what I felt like was beneath me. I’d gone from making the most money I had as an adult to the absolute least, and that was a rough 180 to adjust to.

To make ends meet, I’d began driving for food delivery, which was a bumpy start. But as I continued, I saw more and more story potential in my everyday experience right then, and felt the urge to do something I hadn’t done in a while: create. I hadn’t made anything in a long while because what I was producing felt low quality, so I had just stopped creating for myself. On set, you’re playing in someone else’s imagination, helping bring it to life. The web series became something for me to bring out of my own imagination, a way to express myself.

I wrote a script based off of what I was feeling, all the pride, depression, anxiety – I put it all in there. I used it as my vehicle to make something brutally honest, finding my voice in a way that I had struggled with previously. I then convinced a friend to work with me, shot episode 1 and casually released it on my social media. The response was extremely positive and unexpected! It led to me making an entire season, and showed me that sharing my own experiences, painful as they were, resonated with other people. Pain wasn’t something shameful anymore, but a way to remind myself of the human experience, and how our story connects us with other people.

Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. Is the public version of you the real you?
In the past, I would have said no, or at least not the full picture. As a recovering people pleaser, I hid a lot of my true thoughts and feelings, preferring distant diplomacy to real opinion. But as I’ve gotten older, that gap between the public and private me has slowly gotten smaller and smaller. The desire to live authentically has become my main focus, remembering that it’s ok to take up space and even rock the boat. I’ve been blessed with friends and community who allow me to show up wholly and completely, who have seen the parts I used to hide and still love me regardless. I actually see the value in showing up, flaws and all, because it takes off the pressure of having to be what I’m not, while working on becoming the best version of myself possible. To being present and let go of what was, to see what is, and to look forward to what is to come.

Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. How do you know when you’re out of your depth?
I actually really like finding myself in situations where I feel out of my depth! If I’m seeing an area that scares me or is attempting to limit my thinking, I try to choose instead to lean into it. I see it as a potential for growth. When you’re faced with an area that feels like you’re lacking, I find it best to look at it and see how to conquer it. It’s a method I discovered for myself when I felt counted out, a slightly stubborn streak that pushes me to prove that whatever that fear is wrong.

I love being a student of life, of learning from other people the things that I may know nothing about. I never want to be the smartest person in the room, and I try to surround myself with people who do things that I can learn from. I find that having people who are excellent at what they do pushes me to grow and compete with myself, to see how I can continue to evolve as a person. Getting out of my comfort zone so much has allowed me to do things I wouldn’t normally do, and it’s made such a difference in my personal growth and development.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.ionlydriveatnight.com
• Instagram: @courtneyorcoco; @ionlydriveatnight
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@IOnlyDriveatNightAWebSer-wi9vb

Image Credits
Nicole Terry Photography
Jacob Thornton