Daily Inspiration: Meet Nikki Coffelt

Today we’d like to introduce you to Nikki Coffelt.

Hi Nikki, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?
I’m an OG artist, mystic, and deep-ass soul. I’ve always lived “in the between” [worlds]. My journey has been circuitous and anything but conventional. I was raised on the East Coast by a village (big family) that loves to have a good time! I spent my formative years in public school with a bunch of highly intelligent, curious, experimental creatives; critical thinking and cultural diversity were celebrated. College was a rude awakening after that experience, and I didn’t cope very well. I found the underground rave scene almost immediately (it was the ’90s, after all…), which may have been dangerous AF, but it really suited my artist soul and affinity for anything counterculture. For all my astro-heads out there… south node in Pisces with heavy-duty Scorpionic placements (Venus, Mercury, Uranus, and a LOT of activity in my 8th house of Mystery, Sex, Death & Transformation). I moved to Melbourne, Australia at 19 years old and had no idea how profound an impact on my consciousness leaving the States at such a young age would prove to be! Rapid growth and expansion hit me on every level that year. I was only approved for one semester abroad at the University of Melbourne (i.e., the only way I could afford such an experience at that age was to leverage my financial aid package) but I flew home for the holidays that year, working 14-hour days @ three different jobs so that I could return and spend another six months living in the city.

I was head-over-heels in love with it. I only ultimately left to finish my degree in the States. I had always planned to return at some point… Unfortunately, my drug and sex addictions escalated rather quickly after returning home. Too much reality-shattering euphoria at such a young age?!! I was medicating undiagnosed depression and complex PTSD as well, but… pretty unaware of all that at the time. I learned later in life that we often use sex with others as a way to feel the Beloved / muse within (cue “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails, “… you get me closer to God… ”) Kinda wish I would have learned that earlier in life because it’s a wonder I didn’t die during those self-destructive years. After careening out of control for another solid decade, I had a near-death experience in my late 20s. This prompted me to get sober. Soon thereafter, my (formal) studies in non-ordinary consciousness began. I landed in San Francisco around that time and started to meet all the right people… My father had discouraged me from becoming an artist in my youth (pushing academics and financially sustainable pathways instead…), and I too sensed that I’d need to be more strategic if I was ever going to climb my way out of poverty. So, I opened a private practice after getting my license as a psychologist at 28 years old. This, combined with a side hustle as a private chef, enabled me to support myself while navigating recovery in San Francisco. The West Coast was just the right medicine to round out the neurosis of being born in New York. It taught me to slow TF down…

Everything is both dark and light, though. When you deny one / overemphasize the other, things get distorted – perverted, even. I abstained from all of my addictions to the best of my ability for five years in order to heal, humble myself and learn to live on life’s terms (rather than continue to rely on human arrogance to constantly manipulate the aspects of my experience that I couldn’t handle/didn’t want to fuck with). After ditching the drugs altogether (for the past 15 years, believe it or not!!!) and undergoing years of soul retrieval and somatic experiences, I decided to invite alcohol and sex back into my life to determine whether I could establish a mature relationship with either/both. Almost everything has the potential to be either venom or medicine… depending on the circumstance and intention (or lack thereof). These specific entities have brought me to my knees on more than one occasion… enabled me to connect more deeply with myself in ways I never imagined possible… disconnected me from my body, led me down the wrong path entirely… and caused more suffering than you can imagine. Suffice it to say – it’s been a wild ride! Mostly what I’ve learned over the years is that there are infinite pathways to the Truth. We need different things at different stages of the journey. “Trusted” programs, protocols, and mentors can be utterly life-saving… and suffocating and stymying… all at the same time. Sovereignty (for those with an earnest interest) is going to look different for different people. There is no road map. It doesn’t exist. But you’ll know it when you get there… by the way that it feels.

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
While very often romanticized, I find being born an artist a challenge unto itself.

Another obstacle has been inadequate emotional support and resources. I was born into intergenerational poverty (to two teenage parents), and while my father worked his ass off my entire life (and been quite successful), the legacy of survival consciousness is REAL, and it’s a tough one to shake. The old adage “you need money to make money” can be painfully true.

I don’t think people born into wealth fully realize how difficult it is for those without this extra boost to move beyond mere survival. I’ve had to pour the majority of my resources over the years (thank god I never really bought into the material game or land “ownership” or the illusion of security… ) into healing and evolving beyond these generational curses. I never would have been able to self-actualize had I not. So – a gift and a curse! There isn’t a whole lot of capacity for nurturance and emotional support, either, when the nervous system is being flooded with survival threats. Despite the significant efforts my parents made to the contrary, this kind of upbringing was fairly toxic for my sensitive artist constitution.

I’ve also dealt with incredible loss in my life.  One of my most poignant childhood memories is the string of funerals we attended. One by one, this family member and that family member would just abruptly die. I became obsessive as a child, praying alone in my room, convinced that I could somehow single-handedly alter the course for the next person if I just invoked God to assist. That’s a damn big responsibility to hold as a child in middle school! I’ve lost a lot of significant relationships in my adult life as well due to sacrifices I’ve made for my career, wasting too much time in transient drug/spiritual/counterculture circles, making unhealthy decisions in my romantic partners due to insecure imprinting, and just generally veering so far off the beaten path. The majority of people can’t relate – it’s palpable and lonely.

Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
My work as an artist has been focused on exalting the dark, wild feminine archetype (i.e., the sovereignty, emotional depth, and sensuality of feminine energy, which has been denigrated / practically annihilated in modernity) for many years. This construct, of course, includes the wildness of the earth herself. As Jane Goodall so aptly stated – “If we kill off the wild [both within and surrounding ourselves]… we are killing a part of our [own] soul…”

Our species is in a very nascent stage of development when it comes to intimacy and GENUINE connection.  What we know better — at least in the “developed” world (#LOL) is self-centered (ego) gratification, exploitation, and transactional relationships.

I feel pretty strongly that if we don’t evolve from this primitive way of being, the species will not survive. The first step in shifting such a dynamic is to deepen the relationship we have with ourselves.  The next step is coming down to earth – especially from this fixation on escapism and transcendence – and cultivating a relationship with the body and the land beneath our feet.  The final step is reestablishing trust in one another. How can we possibly innovate new ways of mutually satisfying living systems when we’re stuck in a state of paranoia and paralysis? People have some good reasons (other than a constant deluge of targeted propaganda) not to trust their neighbors/family members/coworkers. We all carry the density of intergenerational trauma in our bodies. And yet – as we exit the anthropocene epoch and enter a new paradigm on this planet, a delicate balance of instinctual intelligence/sovereignty and the ability to cooperate with others will become increasingly essential.

Given that my art led me all over the world, I spent many years as a nomad (mostly for survival), and so a very organic next step in my career was to begin hosting alchemical gatherings that are, at once, deeply nourishing, playful, and transformative. My latest work actually synthesizes my acumen as an artist with a Ph.D. in depth psychology. T R I B E by emboldenedexpressions™ is a safe space to shift beyond superficial chatter and faux/digitized “connection” into deep, authentic ways of relating with one another. These retreats will feature a synergy of intra-personal and inter-personal work, plenty of opportunity for rest, and expertly curated adventures exploring the local food, culture, and terrain. I’ve always found it expansive and humbling to travel/leave my comfort zone, and want to offer that same gift to others who are similarly curious and ready for something new! Hosted by yours truly, these experiences take place in some of the most ruggedly stunning (read: FAVE) places on earth and allow the time and space to rest, regenerate, dream — and learn new things about oneself and the world! We have six spaces left for the only gathering in 2024 (on a private estate in the high desert in New Mexico), and I’m personally inviting anyone in resonance of these frequencies to get in touch with us asap @emboldened_tribe on Instagram.

What were you like growing up?
I was raised by a village. Most of my family still lives in Buffalo, New York. Growing up, it was a multi-generational root system – at least on my father’s side of the family. My mother’s parents were immigrants from Napoli (Italy) and Poland. The Italian influence was stronger, given the neighborhood I grew up in and the fact that her mother died when she was only four years old. I attended/volunteered at summer camp, pursuing a lot of charity work at the encouragement of my aunt, who was heavily involved in this arena. I always had a lot of friends, both in my neighborhood and at school. We danced for hours, played kickball until the street lights came on (shuffling out of the way whenever a car passed…), and just generally had a good ol’ time rollerskating, biking, and “playing outside”. My favorite movie as a kid was The Wizard of Oz. My mother says I used to ask her to watch it over and over again. I was very curious and constantly asked the adults “why” things were the way they were. Art was always a refuge. In high school, I spent hours in the darkroom developing old-school black-and-white photographs. Although I was depressed, it always helped my mood. My parents were very supportive when I wanted to turn our spare bedroom into an art studio as a kid. I was most def THAT KID sitting in front of PBS, rendering random 3D objects in 2D under the tutelage of Commander Mark (lol).

My mother started to encourage this after leaving me for a few minutes at a friend’s house, and when she returned – I had spontaneously drawn an owl statue in their home so realistic it made her jaw drop, “Where did that come from… ?!” (I was only four years old). I was always reading, dancing, drawing or trying to enroll in any ceramics/painting class I could get my hands on. I was sort of shy but loved to make people laugh! I talked to anyone and everyone – would constantly get negative marks on my parent-teacher reports for this behavior. School was so socially engaging and intellectually stimulating; I just loved it… couldn’t contain my excitement as a kid. Pushing myself to attend regular college after high school – instead of pursuing art or culinary school – was so out of alignment and felt like a death sentence. Being forced to put all of my creative energy “on hold” for two damn decades… I swear, this was a huge reason I became a drug addict. Intergenerational trauma and untreated mental health issues simmering just below the surface definitely played into this as well (don’t get it twisted), but you know what they say: “If you bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will be your salvation. If you do not bring forth that which is within you, that which is within you will destroy you… “Word. Live it, learn it. Maybe I just needed some time to work all that shit out. You can’t go back, so I’ll never know. I still ended up here though, where I belong.

Contact Info:

• Website: emboldenedexpressions.com
• Instagram: emboldenedexpressions
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/emboldenedexpressions
• Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/sfpsychologistnlcoffeltphd
• Other: www.instagram.com/emboldened_tribe