Meet Chris Allport of Anxious Rapper in Hollywood

Today we’d like to introduce you to Chris Allport.

Thanks for sharing your story with us Chris. So, let’s start at the beginning and we can move on from there.
“I will send an ambulance if you really want me to.”

These were the words I heard over the phone, as I lay crumpled on the bathroom floor. I was in high school, at a party, and I had just tried marijuana for the first time. My chest was pounding, and I was convinced I was having a heart attack. Annoyingly, the 911 operator did not share my sense of urgency. In fact, she said marijuana-induced panic attacks were common and that this “didn’t qualify as an emergency.” And, to my great surprise, I did not die that night in 2009.

In a moment of boredom two years ago, I turned this memory into my first comedy rap about my anxiety, in the style of The Lonely Island and Jon Lajoie. It was thrilling. In fact, the experience was so therapeutic that I decided to take more recent anxious “episodes” from my life and rap about them.

Like keeping a journal, writing comedic raps about my anxiety is a form of emotional release. Condensing problems into silly couplets allow me to organize chaotic thoughts into a structure that makes more sense. The self-conscious version of myself, the version that can’t or won’t discuss my anxiety, goes away and I inhabit this rap persona where I feel comfortable talking about my deepest fears and insecurities. I decided to name this rap to alter ego, “Steve.” There is no grand philosophy behind this choice other than I think the name Chris a.k.a. ‘Steve’ is funny.

Comedy rappers like Lonely Island and Lajoie speak to me because they use the hyper-masculine genre of hip-hop to sing about things men are conditioned to see as emasculating. Instead of boasting, “I’m the strongest, I’m the coolest, I’m the sexiest,” these guys boast, “I’m the weakest, I’m the sorriest, and I lack sex appeal.” It validated the way that I felt about myself. They were performing with the same bravado men were supposed to feel, but rapping about how they really felt.

I took this formula and made it more personal. Lonely Island and Lajoie play characters in their raps to make a point. I want to remove that comedic distance. I’m not really playing a character as Steve but rather playing myself as if I were a rapper. This small distinction makes me feel comfortable discussing in public the things I would never discuss as “Chris.” It allows me to be funny in the most honest, self-deprecating, and vulnerable way possible.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that some of my fears are ridiculous. I tend to assume any cough lasting more than three weeks is HIV — I’ve been tested five times. My last three relationships have ended because I’m convinced I’m unable to fall in love. I’m afraid to fall asleep because I think I might die. These thoughts terrified me, and I harbored them inside. But almost immediately after I posted my first video Xanax on Youtube and Instagram, people started to reach out to me and say things like “This happens to me!”

Steve provides me with a platform to engage with other anxious people. It’s remarkably easy to relate and, even better, laugh about some of the irrational thought patterns we share, or don’t share but recognize as anxiety. That bond — knowing you’re not alone — can help lessen the power anxiety has over you.

I chose rap as my medium of expression because I love the art form and it helps me feel better. Yet I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge one glaring point: I am a white rapper. I have tremendous respect for the black artists who made rap what it is today, and I’m not attempting to ‘spoof’ hip-hop or the cultural forces that created it. Much of my anxiety stems from excess. I recognize this is a very privileged form of anxiety to have.

Nevertheless, I think there are a lot of “closeted” anxious people out there, for lack of a better term. I was one of them for a very long time. It can be very isolating. I want my music to not only make people feel less alone but also to make them laugh at the same time — in the same way, that Lonely Island did for me when I was a kid. I hope Steve can help remove the stigma around discussing mental health by creating funny, relatable music. I hope these songs compel people to examine their own mental health experiences and their willingness to discuss them.

I recently released my first album, called Anxious Rapper. I discuss things like Xanax and how I use it as a crutch in nerve-wracking social situations, instead of confronting the issue head-on that elicited the anxiety. I rap about giving “a lot of fucks” in a world that glamorizes not giving “a lot of fucks.” I chronicle the inner torment I experience every time an employee messes up my order at Chipotle. Comedy rap affords me an outlet to expose these silly but honest truths.

In the end, “creating” Steve was the best medicine for me. Also Zoloft, but mostly Steve.

Has it been a smooth road?
As someone who had never produced a music video on a professional scale, finding the resources to do so was difficult. Especially with a nearly non-existent budget. So I relied on friends and friends of friends willing to work for very little or nothing at all. I also filmed 3 of the 5 music videos up in my hometown of Portland. This is because I have greater access to locations and people up there. This allowed me to boost my production value without paying a dime. For the two videos I shot in LA, I again relied on friends and film students (who were willing to work for almost nothing) to get the videos shot.

I was the sole producer of these music videos. The task of assembling enough people, acquiring shooting locations and all of the props was one of the greatest obstacles in this project. Every day after work I’d be running across town to grab a number of crazy props. I once drove with my trunk ajar while transporting a 9-foot cardboard cut out of T-Pain. The extra foot of height from his top hat was simply too tall to fit in my car. So the car behind me would just see T-Pains head emerging from the back of my vehicle.

The other large chunk of my struggles came in the form of simply not knowing how to do any of this. I recorded this entire album in my room. I taped pillows to my wall to absorb the sound from my tiny, tinny space. I also needed to teach myself how to use programs like Logic Pro. This included space. I learned how to set up a recording apparatus and how to mix and master recordings. It just took a lot of time. It wasn’t too hard but it required patience.

We’d love to hear more about your business.
I’m most proud of the fact that I was able to create a brand that speaks to other anxious people and hopefully make them feel a little less alone.

Here are the links to my videos:
-I Give a Fuck: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UL9KDQyn0Ng
-The Leaf – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjqupi-1ECU
-Xanax – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUXn6Dfek8A
-Objectify (NSFW) – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpqXKAvkSSM

Is our city a good place to do what you do?
There’s no better city for a musician to be in than LA!

Contact Info:

• Website: anxiousrapper.com
• Phone: 5037841694
• Email: 2chrisakasteve@gmail.com
• Instagram: instagram.com/anxiousrapper
• Facebook: facebook.com/1anxiousrapper
• Twitter: twitter.com/anxiousrapper

Image Credit:
Sammi McKee

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