Cashawn “Cookie” shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Good morning Cashawn “Cookie”, we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: Have any recent moments made you laugh or feel proud?
A recent moment that has made me feel proud is sharing my story on how I became disabled. I usually keep personal life information to myself and with this situation I did for about a year (which y’all will learn why in this interview) but after making the conscious decision to overcome my fear I started sharing my truth publicly. It hasn’t been easy overcoming the anxiety surrounding it but I am most definitely proud of myself for doing so!
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Well hello everyone lol. My name is CaShawn “Cookie”. Most people know me as Cookie and so preferred it that way. I liked not having a lot of people know my government name as it was for the ones who personally knew me and were close to me. After I became hospitalized from an allergic reaction to broth from the restaurant Ramen Nagi in Arcadia my government name has been used so much. It’s honestly made me very uncomfortable. Their employees [Ramen Nagi] lied to me about how their broth was made and then admitted to how the broth was made after I consumed it. I told an employee of theirs and he walked away from me when I made the statement “I’m allergic to”. I then told the cashier and another employee and was told the owner of Ramen Nagi was to be notified about me having an allergic reaction during me vlogging at their restaurant. I was told paramedics were coming so I kindly and patiently waited for their arrival. Instead of paramedics assisting me to the hospital their cashier and another employee told me they were taking me in the employees personal car. Which obviously is wrong because my body was already shutting down due to what I now know as having an anaphylactic shock. I was having such a hard time breathing in her car. I was sent USC Arcadia Hospital due to my body shutting down. A doctor inspected me with Ramen Nagi’s staff present where he stated “yeah she’s having a hard time breathing. I can hear her wheezing”. I was then admitted into the hospital. As I’ll save the deep detail for later on I was greeted by a nurse Yajairia Rameriez, who knew me from social media calling me “Cookie” upon starting her shift. Everyone in the hospital knew my name “Cashawn” because I hasn’t told anyone my nickname. Due to this I am now trying to become more comfortable with people knowing my real name though it’s been such an adjustment for me. I’ve been “Cookie” for almost 10 years at that point.
My brand before I became disabled was primarily fitness with a little peak into my lifestyle. I have a fitness app and a fitness instagram @BodyByCookie where I post clients who have used my fitness programs and their results as well as (currently) older fitness content to keep the supporters of mine who know me and love me for fitness happy. It is sad sometimes looking at the content knowing my physical ability isn’t there currently but I pray to be able to workout in that manner again and to become everyone’s favorite fitness influencer all over again!
Now my content on my main page @cookieeedough is lifestyle content and bringing awareness to mental health as I’ve struggled so much with depression, anxiety and PTSD from becoming disabled. I even felt unworthy of being alive at one point due to all the trauma caused by Ramen Nagi & USC Arcadia Hospital. But knowing that both allegedly tried to *unalive* me by lying about how their broth was made and USC’s chefs at USC Arcadia hospital trying to feed me the very ingredient (mushrooms) 3 times after explaining how it sent me to the ER where I had to be put on oxygen to breathe, I fight daily to be thankful to be alive and surviving their torture. A nurse named Karen admitted to the nurses at USC Arcadia Hospital retaliating against me for exposing Jay Gilman (a nurse at USC) for sexually assaulting me and then by law an investigation was opened by the hospital itself. Then the following day Yajiara Rameriez gave me a medicine induced stroke because she injected an emergency shot of Decadron into my left arm and not into my IVsbwhich caused my chest to feel like it was caving in and I instantly urinated myself though I had issues peeing on my own from the medicine given to fix the anaphylactic shock caused by Ramen Nagi. So mentally it’s been an adjustment going from able body to partially paralyzed- where I couldn’t lift my left arm or leg on my own. I’ve been an athlete since I was nine years old so it’s been such a very hard adjustment. Also acknowledging that such big corporations would try to cover up their lies and mistakes to refuse liability and instead try to convince me that it was an adrenaline rush or that I “was looking for attention” though Yaijaria had me sitting in my pee after the stroke she caused for hours – from 8 something in the morning until evening where the nurse on the next shift acknowledged I pee’d myself, helped me change clothes and clean up the bed & sheets. Being treated so inhumane while trying to process being partially paralyzed and disabled is a lot. I still 2 + years later haven’t gotten my mental together all the way to overcome that kind of trauma & torture. I’ve always been a mental health advocate but it’s definitely different & difficult to be one now when I feel so sad and depressed daily but I’m trying!!! Because one day – even if it takes years I’ll be thankful I didn’t give up on myself and kept fighting to overcome depression and shed light on the importance of mental health and processing trauma.
I am also shedding light on difficulties of lawsuits and all they entail. I am currently saying Ramen Nagi and USC Arcadia hospital (for the lies of their broth and I was sexually assaulted by a nurse Jay Gilman upon having my body inspected in the ICU and given a medicine induced stroke by Yajaiara Rameriez which USC Arcadia Hospital instantly tried to cover up). I allegedly experienced witness tampering and was followed in my car and harassed by people asking me to stick my tongue out (something I wasn’t able to do in the hospital before being sent to the ICU). Bullied online for having a stroke and being disabled. Just so many things that would make you not want to be alive. So much hurt and so much trauma. I have even been prescribed antidepressants for anxiety and PTSD because I’ve cried every week for 2+ years. The emotional recovery is just as difficult as the physical recovery because with not being physically okay you’re constantly reminded about being disabled. Lawsuits are hard. The restaurant Ramen Nagi & USC’s Stroke Instagrams even blocked me online from being able to “@“ them as my story was gaining attention and some of my supporters told them what they did to me was wrong. So because of my story being shared online I had to include my social media to both Ramen Nagi and USC Arcadia Hospital in the lawsuits. That’s why I feel comfortable doing this interview now is because parts of the story have been shared online and their counsel is aware of my social media. I even recently did an interview with the nursing board where I had to go on file legally with my statements recorded as they are investigating some of the staff included with major emphasis on Yaijaira Rameriez with her license being on the line. I’m not happy about having someone license revoked but I’m also not happy with how unprofessional she was calling me my nickname and not the name on my medical documents or ID. Or how she instantly tried covering up giving me a stroke when I expressed to her (instantly as well) that I believe I just had a stroke. All she did was touch the bed down by my feet (like my feet hold urine lol) and told me the bed was dry). The hospital wouldn’t even let me charge my phone so that way I wouldn’t have evidence to post later on because it’s believed Yajaira told others about me doing social media as multiple nurses started questioning me how what I do on social media and do I make income from it. Or how another nurse physically abused me by forcing me down in the toilet because he felt like I was “taking too long” due to having to transfer on my right leg only because my left side was paralyzed. Just so much!
Because of this, I am currently working on my mental health and would love to start a foundation in the feature the helps with mental health resources and housing the homeless (as I was homeless during my recovery) and helping house people going through lawsuits because there isn’t a lot of help that provides the victim with support and safety as they are trying to get justice.
Also, many people don’t know I’m a rapper! lol. I started rapping as a kid and my first ever viral video was 17 years ago in a rap group with my sisters SG3. I recently released an album “TAKING MY POWER BACK” – Dough (that’s my rap name to play with my Instagram name Cookieeedough since most people know “Cookie” as a fitness influencer lol) which is available on all streaming platforms now so definitely be sure to give the full album a listen. It explains some of my emotions in regards to becoming disabled, being homeless, shedding light on the woman who caused me to be paralyzed on one side of my body, old relationships and so much more). My lead single “Pain In My Eyes” is about how I became paralyzed as music was a way for me to vent my emotions before I started verbally sharing my story more or getting comfortable doing so.
Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
I feel like I was a people pleaser and kind because I didn’t want anyone to dislike me. When the “world” told me who I had to be was when I became disabled and was taken advantage of physically, emotionally and mentally. The staff in the hospital (USC Arcadia Hospital) physically abused me, sexually abused me, I experienced medical negligence where they were literally ignoring me when I was asking for help, treated me so inhumane, taunted me about my relationship with my mom. Wouldn’t even let me charge my phone because they didn’t want me to communicate with the outside world or capture photos or videos that could be used as evidence allegedly. Then lied on my medical documents and misdiagnosed me saying I was just looking for attention (which is why I refrained from doing interviews etc) when in actuality it was reverse psychology because if I shared my story there was a chance they would be exposed for their foul play.
So the “world” turned me into an angry person fighting for justice because when I was nice and calm no one was listening to me.
Now I’m in the process of being who I want to me. Without having to pretend to be okay. Allowing myself to know it’s okay to be vulnerable privately and publicly. It’s okay to defend yourself against trolls and harassment. It’s okay to stand for something despite these big corporations trying to SILENCE me and UNALIVE me! And it’s okay for me to share my truth. Each day I become more confident doing so. My goal was never to be a Martin Luther King or Rosa Parks vibe of a person but if being a modern civil rights activist is going to help me with the confidence of sharing my story, getting justice and standing in my truth then so be it.
Did you know that the chefs at USC Arcadia Hospital tried feeding me the very ingredient that Ramen Nagi lied to me about how their broth was made? I wasn’t able to eat solid foods so the kitchen had to dice my food up and they put that ingredient in there multiple times. So much so the hospital had to give me a wrist band that says “NO MUSHROOMS”. That’s literally attempted murder. Mushrooms sent me to the ICU on oxygen because I couldn’t breathe on my own.
So knowing I survived all of that, I’m learning to share my story and to stand for something but also not to project my trauma onto everyone because of my PTSD.
Was there ever a time you almost gave up?
I actually almost gave up in the hospital. Knowing the nurses and doctors were treating me the way they were and causing intentional harm like coming in and putting their body weight on my swollen and paralyzed arm or leg on the left side of my body when they weren’t running any tests. Or how when I would press the nurses button the nurses would ignore me or come in turn my low blood pressure beeping off on the machine and then walk out without helping. Or even a nurse named Karen acknowledging and admitting that the nursing staff at USC Arcadia Hospital retaliated against me for saying something about being sexually assaulted by Jay Gilman where the hospital had to report it and an investigation was opened.
I told my paw paw I wanted to give up while I was in there because what was the point? I even recorded on video after the gave me the “no mushrooms” wrist band that I felt like giving up because I felt like they were torturing me intentionally when I just wanted to know what was wrong with my body. Instead of giving me answers they tried to send me to a nursing home multiple times because I could get assistance there – but if nothing was wrong and all my labs came back normal then why would I need assistance? At the time I felt like no one cared if I was alive. Then he (my paw paw) reminded me that he did care and he gave me hope to keep mentally and emotionally fighting so I did. I started asking more questions and trying to figure out what was wrong. There was also a young man who drew my blood a few times who asked me what he could do to help me feel better because he could see I was sad and depressed and I asked him to pray for me. He instantly starting praying with me (after asking for my consent if it was okay). I was so thankful a staff member cared enough to do so. He also let me borrow his charger so I could communicate with my emergency contact my paw paw and then gave me one to keep as I was admitted on the regular floor of the hospital for a longer stay with no one to contact my family. I didn’t tell anyone his position because I wanted to protect him but he deserves his flowers as he is an angel and I am SO VERY VERY THANKFUL for him! I wish I could hug him and tell him thank you for caring when he didn’t have to.
And there’s been a few moments since then where I felt the same way, I was like no one even cares if I’m alive or not so what am I fighting for? When in actuality I’m fighting for myself! The Lord has one sin that is the unforgiven sin and that’s suicide and I don’t want God mad at me lol. Plus I have an amazing community online who roots for me daily! And amazing love in my life.
So though fighting depression and anxiety is hard I’m not going to give up on myself and let the people who caused this trauma get away with causing so much pain in my life.
I deserve to live. I deserve to get justice. I deserve to share my story. I deserve happiness.
I now know their reverse psychology tactics to do everything they can to make me feel super low because then I won’t have the energy to fight to stay alive or fight for justice. I have built such a great legacy and they don’t get to take that away from me because they are scared for causing a popular influencer and celebrity personal trainer to become disabled.
So to anyone fighting depression or suicidal thoughts YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE ALIVE!!! You are worthy of happiness and love! You are worthy to still accomplish such greatness in your career. Don’t ever give up on yourself! You are so much better than that!
I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. Is the public version of you the real you?
Now it is. If anything good has come from all of this trauma is that I no longer pretend to be perfect.
I showcase my sadness and depression. I showcase when I was homeless living in my car or even living on the street as a result of falling on hard times due to becoming disabled. I showcase how I was almost stabbed while being homeless in front of the police station. I showcase me fighting for justice daily. I showcase that I’m not perfect. I yell, I cuss, I get angry, I’m so very passionate but through it all I love that when I put the camera or phone down I’m the same person! I do value you that now.
Only difference is if I’m not recording I’m definitely silent lol if I’m not venting to my dog or someone. Because of everything that happened I have to give my vocal cords a rest due to the issues the allergic reaction caused by the restaurant Ramen Nagi and do spend hours silent (a good 80% of the day which is why I have so much to say when I do start recording lol).
My signing voice isn’t the same, and after recording a few talking videos I have to spend hours in silence just to be able to talk again in the next videos.
Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. What do you think people will most misunderstand about your legacy?
I think the most misunderstood think about my legacy is the fact that I truly just want to help others feel good and confident about themselves. That’s why I started personal training was to help everyone but women in specifically gain self love and self confidence.
Even on my mental health journey I’m trying to teach myself and others to accept yourself as you are and to overcome the pressure from society to be perfect.
Self love and self acceptance can truly take you to great lengths. I know because I’ve experienced and see what it can do just from all I’ve accomplished through my fitness career and journey.
But because I sometimes defend myself some people misinterpret that I’m simply defending myself. That doesn’t take away from the fact that I want everyone to love themselves or to have self confidence.
We aren’t taught those things in school and there aren’t classes on how to achieve that so as I’m learning im sharing so that others can learn how to as well.
My trauma from the past two years has caused my personality to be misunderstood until they hear my story. Like how USC Arcadia Hospital forcibly released me and my discharge nurse and social worker helped push me out in a wheelchair to my Lyft and helped me get in the car to send me home and how my landlord refused to let me in because I was disabled (literally my left side was paralyzed and I’m just sitting on the porch) and called the cops saying I was trying to break in. About 6 or 7 police officers arrived and two had guns pointed in my face. This was the San Gabriel police department. One of the officers was nice to to begin helping me to the car and another one joined holding me as I hopped on my right leg but I’ve experienced a lot of trauma that comes out as me being angry because for so long no one believed me. It was hard trying to process my feelings, prove my accusations to be valid, provide evidence and learn how to take care of myself as a disabled girl. A journey many will never experience but I’m trying to do my best to explain it so they at least understand my brokenness as I’m trying to put myself back together and publicly at that.
Thank you so much for taking the time to allow me to share my story and journey! It truly means so much to me and I’m very thankful!
Image Credits
Photos credits: CaShawn “Cookie”
