Meet Cassandra Solano

Today we’d like to introduce you to Cassandra Solano.

So, before we jump into specific questions, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I’m a licensed clinical social worker, conscious relationship coach, sober 15 years and a woo woo mama of 4 in a blended family with my handsome husband.

I moved to Orange County when I was in 5th grade and my life was flipped upside down because at the same time my dad relapsed after being sober since before I was born. My mom went to work for the first time since I was born, and a lot of the underlying unhealed trauma my parents experienced started to affect their parenting and our home life. Throughout my adolescence I lived a double life; I was the honor student, varsity athlete, show choir, youth group leader, police explorer volunteer, and even won the Miss Buena Park pageant. But secretly, I was struggling with depression, self-harming behaviors, was a victim of incest, emotional abuse, and had a chaotic home life.

The pressure of the double life was alleviated when I was 16 and started going to raves in warehouses, and old run down buildings in the LA scene in the late 90’s. There I found acceptance, relief and escape from the pressures of perfectionism in “the bubble” of Orange County. Unfortunately, I turned to harder drugs to cope and by 20 was in a severely abusive relationship, homeless, I couldn’t keep a job, and had lost all of my friends. Yep the party was over pretty young for me.

So on January 2nd, 2005 I sobered up and haven’t had to drink or use to cope with life since. I went back to college, started working in social services at a group home for teenage girls in the system, and started to pull a life together. In my second year of sobriety, I started exploring spirituality and still today my spiritual journey is an invaluable fulfilling part of my life. I started practicing yoga, meditation, EFT, Reki, attended drum circles, learned tarot and spiritual book studies.

However, despite all these beautiful spiritual experiences I was in a bad relationship. At 25, I married the man I was dating when I got sober and even then felt conflicted. Something like getting sober and starting on a spiritual journey changes a person. But I felt like I was doing the “adult” thing and did love him, so in front of over 300 people we married in 2007.

I continued on my spiritual journey, attending self-help groups and going to school while starting a family. Everything seemed ok until the first baby came in 2009. There’s a quote “having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage” and I think when the foundation is shaky that’s so true. I tried leaving in 2010 but he swore he would change, so I stayed and we had another baby and I was in graduate school at UCLA which was very fulfilling to me at the time so the state of my marriage seemed less important for a time.

But things got worse. After I started my career and quickly became a successful manager for a mental health program in LA, I became more unhappy in my relationship. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Finally a friend suggested I read a book “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” and my world blew open. I realized I had been psychologically abused, gaslight, and had experienced “crazy making” for years.

I tried to fix my relationship. Unfortunately, he wasn’t willing or able to change so I went to therapy on my own. I realized in session one day I was annoyed with her suggestions to fix my relationship because I had already tried all the things and I actually needed help to leave. Oh and we had a third baby at this time, and I was a Clinical Director for a 3 million dollar mental health program with over 120 clients under my care.

With support, I finally gained the courage to leave and start a new life. I didn’t do it perfectly and dated someone who turned out to be another person with narcissistic tendencies after and when that relationship ended, I sought out therapy from a specialist who I knew could help me with my trauma + “daddy issues.”

Fast forward a few months and I meet the man who became my second husband. He’s an amazing person. Kind, considerate, humble, able to see his faults, willing to give the shirt off his back kinda guy. Our relationship has healed parts of me I didn’t even know needed healing. It’s given me the love I had been looking for and missing for so long. I got off the corporate ladder and took a lower paying job to spend more time with my kids and because I realized I had support and didn’t need to make myself sick (I literally had vertigo and shingles in the last six months of that job) for success or any job. Many didn’t understand my decision to leave a “six figure” job but I felt intuitively guided.

Finally just over a year ago, I decided to start my private coaching practice. I’m on a mission to stop cycles of intergenerational trauma. I believe no matter what your childhood and relationship history was, we all deserve and can have happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships. I combine all my lived experience + my years of education + alternative healing modalities such as somatic techniques, guided meditations, and spirituality into my practice. I don’t want anyone struggling in toxic relationships like I did for 20 years because of unhealed childhood wounds. The clients I get to serve are incredibly brave, smart, and have often been going at it alone like I did for many years trying to heal and I’m so grateful to share what I’ve been through to help them heal.

We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
Walking away from “corporate success” and starting my own practice has not been a smooth road. I had no knowledge about how to start or run a business, my entrepreneurial mindset needed some work and I had a lot of financial trauma and struggled with lack/scarcity mentality (my dad started and failed at several businesses and my mom is an immigrant and has a firm belief in getting a ‘secure’ government and working for that pension).

After fumbling around for a few months, I found Mastin Kipp, who is an author, speaker, and business coach who uses a trauma informed approach in his work, and my business has been growing ever since!

We’d love to hear more about your work and what you are currently focused on. What else should we know?
What makes me different from other therapists is that I’m upfront and real about my lived experience. I’ve been in psychiatric hospitals, substance abuse treatment, homeless, and am a survivor of abuse. I also came from a working class immigrant family and have respect and empathy for my clients who have also struggled with so much. And with my lived experience comes a lot of hope and strength. I live a beautiful “normal” life. I have the best marriage of anyone I know. I’m not a perfect mom or stepmom but I show up the best I can. We love going on camping trips and have wonderful friends and family. I share that if I can come from where I did to where I am now, you can heal too.

I also left traditional mental health and therapy because we are not allowed to incorporate spirituality and spiritual interventions in these settings. Clients are asked to identify what religion they are and that is usually the end of the conversation. I can work with clients from various religious and spiritual backgrounds if that is something important to them to help with their healing process. Often traditional insurance based therapies are limited to “evidence based practices” which are usually only evidenced based with middle class white folx. As a Latinx, I see the challenge in working with these “mind only” approaches and how they disregard people’s experiences and beliefs.

Has luck played a meaningful role in your life and business?
I believe you are as lucky as you decide to be. As you believe yourself to be. Luck is an outer expression of your inner self-worth. It may sound woo-woo, but as I’ve done my own inner healing along this process, healed those old lack and scarcity stories and have truly stepped up and embodied my worthiness, the “luckier” I get.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.cassandrasolano.com/coaching
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: instagram.com/cassandra_solano
• Facebook: facebook.com/cassandrasolanolcsw

Image Credit:
Twin Flame Photography

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