Today we’d like to introduce you to Ashley Randall.
Ashley, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
Hi, I am very happy to be here telling my story about my practice Irreverent Love, as a Sex, Intimacy & Kink Coach & Dominatrix. Thank you for the opportunity. I think I noticed things from a young age that I wanted to see change in. I noticed a lot of what felt like restriction of authenticity in relationships in the culture I grew up in. There was a lot of gendered stay in your lane, don’t say what you actually think, don’t bring that up in a relationship, that’s a dark and weird desire, inappropriate, means you’re messed up or broken. I saw a large gap in communication between people in relationships and that stuck with me as feeling so hollow and alone because I didn’t feel seen or understood. I rejected that framework of how we’re supposed to express ourselves and be in connection and relationships with others.
I tried a few different career options to get by after getting my undergrad at the University of Texas at Austin and felt called to address this issue as a career as all the other industries and jobs I tried didn’t work for me. I found a program after trying a master’s program and trained as a Sex & Intimacy Coach and a few years later as a Dominatrix. Through my work, my goal has been to help people not feel broken, feel seen and understood on deeper levels. We’re often conditioned to not approach the “taboo”, much less speak it aloud in the most significant relationships in our lives, because we may be rejected at different levels or worse, have it weaponized against us. I like to joke that at my first job at Hot Topic, I lead people into “the dark side” or something they felt called to. I think it’s funny because it definitely tracks with what I do today.
I moved to LA about 8 years ago and built my practice. Soon after I started, kinky and non-monogamous people and clients found me. My submissives started finding me and I realized this was a big part of my work as well. Some of these submissive are still with me today and deeply important in my life. I can’t believe it’s been about 9 years doing this work now and it still catches me by surprise when I pause to think about it.
For my love and work with my parfum line, Irreverent Scents, there were also signs when I was younger. Ever since I was a pre-teen, I loved the exotic nature of scent and perfume and would spend as long as I could smelling the perfumes in the stores and not being able to get enough of them. I had wanted to be involved in perfume advertising going through school and loved the culture of what I saw and felt of the creative process and presentation and how the scents themselves were a type of escape into an experience or expression of myself. It wasn’t until about 3 years I decided to for fun start taking classes at an institute here in LA (The Institute of Art and Olfaction). I immediately started buying individual scent notes and building my perfumer’s organ and playing and creating scents and once I had a line of them, asked if I could sell them at local kink classes and events and I’ve been expanding to different events and venues for the past almost two years now.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
I’ve had emotional support from loved ones along the way thank goodness and I’ve been leaning into more community and enjoying the support and collaboration of colleagues more and more recently as I’ve been getting over my stubborn imposter syndrome. Building your own business and practice is not for the faint of heart. Especially in a new niche and taboo industry that is highly misunderstood and that I receive a lot of backlash for. Some clients don’t want to respect the boundaries because I don’t fit their comfortable narrative. There are practitioners in closely related fields or fields I do practice in, that have tried to discredit me and stolen my work. An unfortunate truth I’ve learned is that when you’re building something of value, people recognize it and will try to take it from you because they want to step on you to get ahead temporarily. I walk a new trail of work that is therapy and can verge into sex work. There is a lot of stigma.
I’m wired for it though. I see a need for this work and I need my own brand and voice. I know many of us are similar that way and get it. I have built a private practice as a new industry started to emerge of sex and intimacy coaches, leaned into kink and now kink and BDSM is becoming more mainstream, which overall is a good thing. There were and will still be times when I find myself burned out, not thinking anyone really needs what I do or I don’t provide something valuable because the topic or nature of it is pretty on the edge and lives in the discomfort. There’s not a lot of support for it yet.
But growing a practice for something I truly believe in and see as a needed change and happens to be on the cutting edge? I am so happy I’ve gotten my business to where it is and put in the time and will continue to.
Taking to the market growing my parfum line has been a lot of repetition growing my name at events but it’s also been pleasurable. I enjoy sharing my creations and witnessing the reactions people have to them. That’s one of my favorite parts. I think the Domme in me loves watching the effect and impact I have on people’s emotions and experiences. Watching them have a whole memory hit them and the emotional response or the look of pleasure that crosses their face and contorts their body is so beautiful and satisfying to watch. Breaking into stores and scaling up is the next thing and a challenge. Perfume and fragrance is a huge industry with lots of big houses and distributors who control so much of what makes it to stores and in my opinion, waters things down. I love being niche and evocative as well as provocative in my creations I share. I want people to have more than mostly generic options that they feel reflect a real part of them. Happy to talk to anyone who is interested in learning more about my line and selling!
As you know, we’re big fans of Irreverent Love Coaching & Irreverent Scents. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
For my practice, I enjoy being able to share more with wider audiences now as I feel more and more comfortable. I took a leap and was a guest on a reality TV show semi-recently and loved being able to represent talking about these subjects in a digestible and engaging way. I recently have started stepping into more of my industry and the public eye and I’ve realized I have a lot to say and I want to help others realize they’re not alone or broken with what they want in their lives and relationships. And I know we’re all kinkier than we think we are 😉
For Irreverent Scents, I love collaborating with events and parties for scent experiences and helping individuals tie a smell to a mood, a feeling, expression or headspace they have. Scent is the strongest link to emotions, memories and experiences. I love helping people pick something they want to wear to help them ground in an expression of themselves or a headspace. I combine scent and kinky play too. When I have them at kink or play party events, I encourage people to tie the smell to particular play or headspace and that’s very conducive to scene play as well, which is a big motivator for how I create each. It’s rewarding crafting a headspace through individual emotions elicited through the scent creations.
Can you talk to us a bit about happiness and what makes you happy?
I love helping ppl feel seen, heard and loved to their core. I often call myself a gateway Dominatrix because the world of kink and BDSM can be intimidating and I enjoy holding my clients hands and guiding them to find their particular flavor in the infinite and beautifully connective world it can be. It’s not all whips and pain (although it can be). It’s the best when one of my clients lites up because they feel sexy and confident in connection with me, or have shared a kinky fantasy for the first time they haven’t spoken aloud to anyone, practiced a skill or even regained blood flow after performance anxiety hit, it restores my faith in humanity a bit. We’re all trying to get by and be loved and desired.
I’m a non-monogamous (specifically polyamorous) and dominant cis woman who loves men (and some queer babes too 😉 ) and I want to help them and the rest of us, have better relationships (however they look) and adult play lives through helping build skills and confidence.
There is such a lack of actual guidance for straight men. It can look like how to emotionally connect, flirt, seduce and help with sexual function and anxiety. I enjoy being that female best friend that can help guide them. A lot of the time whenI work with them, I point out when I’m feeling them put on the performative mask they have been told to wear to be seen as attractive. I can smell that stuff from a mile away. Real sexiness, connection and better sex comes from dropping the facade of what you’re “supposed” to be and being real with another human. When my clients get there, it’s such a beautiful and hot moment. It’s sexy to see them come alive and realize they’re not alone or broken and that they’re desired in that moment as they are.
For Irreverent Scents, I love watching something I have created benefit or become something that someone loves. To add a boost to how someone feels and experiences their life is beautiful and rewarding. There have been moments at events too when so many people at the sex party have applied one of my parfums and then I walk into the orgy room. It’s such a powerful sensory overload hit that includes the presence of my work in the air and that feels intoxicating. I love those moments of helping create something beautiful and powerful that so many of us crave.
Contact Info:
- Website: IrreverentCoaching.com & IrreverentScents.com
- Instagram: @IrreverentLoveCoaching & @IrreverentScents
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashley-randall-67528933/
