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Meet Nick Bognar of Nick Bognar Therapy in Pasadena

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Today we’d like to introduce you to Nick Bognar.

Nick, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Like many people, I was a longtime fan of telling other people that THEY should seek therapy, but it wasn’t until I was being eaten alive by anxiety that I sought it out for myself.

I looked successful, I was healthy, and there was nothing really tangible that I could complain about in my life. Why was I so unhappy all the time? What was I scared of?

I finally took the plunge and called a therapist, and the changes in my life were dramatic and fast. Having someone to listen to me -who wouldn’t judge me- was cathartic for me and set in motion enormous changes.

As meaningful as that was to me, it wasn’t until years later that I considered becoming a therapist myself. It was actually suggested to me by my therapist when I was worrying aloud about not knowing what my next career would be. I think even the idea felt out of reach to me- there would be no way I would be capable of making the difference in someone else’s life that my therapists had for me. Still, she pressed the issue, and not long after that I checked out a grad school and immediately I knew it was where I was supposed to be.

The best part is, after a lifetime of feeling uneasy and out of place, every day that I’m a therapist I grow more assured in the notion that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Being able to talk frankly with people about the issues that matter to them is such a privilege, and I love that I get to make a living having those conversations.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
The good news is that the more psychotherapy I do, both as the therapist and as the client, the more I fall in love with it.

The bad news is that the road to becoming a licensed therapist is very long. This is by design- the idea is that people’s mental health is precious and deserves excellent care. Therefore, people who wish to become psychotherapists are given every opportunity to disqualify themselves. First, one completes a master’s program, after which one completes 3,000 hours of supervised work as an associate therapist. Depending on a variety of variables, this part takes 2-6 years. At the culmination of that experience, there is a Law and Ethics Exam, which is lightly terrifying, and a Clinical Exam, which is fully terrifying.

So ultimately, if you want to be a therapist you go back to school (debt), do a lot of unpaid/underpaid work, and then after a long time you’re on your own.

If you love doing this work, then what I described above amounts to a labor of love. I enjoyed the entire process, and I can see clearly how each step made me a better therapist. If you don’t like this work, then the trip is grueling and punishing. Which is good- each of us deserves a therapist who really loves the work.

Nick Bognar Therapy – what should we know? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
My clients most often tell me that they like how much I talk and interact in the room. Old-school, traditional therapy was based in the therapist being a “blank slate”. At its best, that’s a great way to shed some light on the relational issues at hand. At worst, it’s like paying a bunch of money to be totally alone, or worse, to feel like some kind of specimen. I don’t want clients to feel that way.

When people join me for therapy, I share my observations freely with them. That means being willing to be wrong about some things- it’s all part of the discovery process that we go through together.

My specialties are:

1. Men who want to increase their emotional intelligence, and
2. Issues around romantic relationships.

I’m really proud of the work I did in my own therapy around learning to experience my own emotions fully. As a society, we do a startlingly effective job socializing boys not to experience or express their feelings. That’s bad for absolutely everyone. I’ve learned how to know what I’m feeling, and how to comfortably share that with others. My life has improved so, so much as a result. I love helping others discover that unexplored facet of their lives.

I also really enjoy doing relationship work, whether that’s with one person who’s struggling in romantic relationships, or with couples who come in together. In my experience, it always, always, always comes down to trust and communication. Any relationship, no matter its shape or history, can be measured by the health of those two things.

Some therapists play it really close to the vest, but I’ve found that I get the best results by being open and collaborative with clients- and the feedback from clients has been pretty emphatic that this approach works.

What is “success” or “successful” for you?
My personal measure of success is loving yourself. I know that sounds like a sappy answer, but if you’ll bear with me, I’ll explain.

Everyone is born with different resources, privileges, circumstances, identities. Very little in the world is an actual meritocracy.

Plus, even the awards and benchmarks that we have set up societally are imperfect- everyone knows a cruddy movie that won an Oscar, and just about every world record gets broken at one point or another. The world is flush with people who have barrels of conventional success -gobs of money, fame, external beauty, power, and other things- who are absolutely miserable.

But people who love themselves are happy being in their own company, and can revel in their own accomplishments (and others’ accomplishments), large and small.

Because I want my life to be filled with contentment, I am always working to love myself. I work with all my clients to do the same.

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Getting in touch: VoyageLA is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.

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