Story & Lesson Highlights with Rachel Thomasian & Valentina Setteducate of Westside

We’re looking forward to introducing you to Rachel Thomasian & Valentina Setteducate. Check out our conversation below.

Rachel & Valentina, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: What do you think is misunderstood about your business? 
We think there’s a lot that’s misunderstood about breakups, which is the reason we got into writing a book to help people experiencing one. We’re both therapists first in our profession and have found that there are a lot of myths about breakups.

Some of the common ones are:

1. There is a certain amount of time it should take you to get over a breakup.

2. To fully get over someone you have to date someone else.

3. If you’re the one doing the breaking up, you should heal faster.

4. If you’re breaking up from a dating relationship, that’s not as hurtful as a breakup from a marriage.

We know it to be true that breakups can be traumatizing experiences for people, we were hoping by writing this book to help dispel some myths and support people in the ways we knew would be helpful in this moment in their lives.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Our brand is called BreakUp & BreakOut. We have written a book and built an online community geared towards helping people healing after the end of a relationship. When we started this project in 2019 we found that there were not enough resources from professionals in helping people understand why the end of a relationship can be so devastating and grief-filled. Our hope as therapists was to help fill this gap and provide people with more accurate information about what it looks like when we end a relationship. We also wanted to place an emphasis on the end of a relationship being a unique opportunity for growth and possibility for someone if they process the experience from a place of introspection and curiosity.

Okay, so here’s a deep one: What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
With this question we’re going to talk about what breaks bonds in romantic relationships. In our current world there is so much fighting for our time and attention. In order to keep or restore bonds with our partner we have to be willing to give them our time and presence. In our work as therapists, when we work with clients we talk a lot about holding space within ourselves so we can have space for the people in our lives we want to maintain strong bonds with. Connection can only exist and thrive if we’re willing to make space and time. Making intentional time for connection is what keeps relationships thriving.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
The journey of a therapist is undeniably unique. There’s an expectation, often unspoken, that we have all the answers, the perfect words, and endless experience. However, the reality is far more nuanced. The most effective therapy isn’t about adhering to a script; it’s about allowing the process to unfold organically. It’s about trusting your intuition, even when it leads you down unexpected paths. We would both tell our younger selves that it’s okay to not have all the answers upfront. Embrace the learning curve, and be comfortable pivoting, pausing, or letting things go. In building this online community there have been many points where we’ve changed course and that’s allowed it to naturally evolve into what it is today.

I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. What truths are so foundational in your life that you rarely articulate them?
There is no finish line in life where you meet all your goals and are done. Being both therapists and clients in this field has put us in contact with this truth and the inevitability that there will continue to be ebbs and flows in life rather that a destination we reach. No matter how much we grow and learn there isn’t a moment where the messiness of being human goes away. We have to let ourselves make and learn from mistakes and keep growing and evolving. This perspective is deeply ingrained in our approach to life, influencing both our decision-making as clinicians and personal development as people. It encourages a continuous journey of self-discovery, adaptability, and a willingness to embrace challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. We believe that the most rewarding lives are those lived with curiosity, resilience, and a constant pursuit of connecting deeply with ourselves and others.

Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. Are you tap dancing to work? Have you been that level of excited at any point in your career? If so, please tell us about those days. 
Some of the most exciting work has been doing Instagram Lives. These sessions have allowed us to connect directly with our followers, offering them practical tips and tools to navigate breakups. It’s been incredibly rewarding to reach and assist a larger audience compared to our one-on-one therapy sessions, ensuring that people don’t feel alone during such difficult times. The ability to share real, relatable advice in a live format has given us this feeling of tap dancing to work, where we feel creative and inspired about the ways we can provide more people with information we know to be true and helpful about breakups.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.thebreakupbook.com/
• Instagram: @breakupandout