Today we’d like to introduce you to Abygail Paez
Hi Abygail, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today?
I grew up between San Pedro and Watts–San Pedro with my parents until they divorced and went their separate ways, and Watts with my grandmother whenever she watched my brother and I as kids. This is where I was blessed with Latine culture– everything from her home design, cooking, food, and media was distinctly Salvadoran. In retrospect, I didn’t have a traditional American childhood. Their home felt like a little El Salvador, not just physically, but in spirit as well– full of its community, resilience, and connectedness to humanity. But most importantly– they just let me be a kid. All of my dearest childhood memories happened in their home and it’s truly the only place growing up where I felt free.
Because of this, it’s where my first artistic inclinations grew. I think I quickly picked up that it wasn’t safe for me to speak up at home with my parents so I picked up drawing as my first medium to create a world I actually felt safe and heard in. My grandmother has always been my biggest supporter in general, but especially with my art because she knew it made me happy. She would happily bring me snacks as she asked me about my drawings, or tell me about how her father, my great grandfather who I never met, was also a talented artist. It’s funny how things like that get passed down unknowingly.
This is where I also fell in love with music. My grandfather has a stereo system he built himself installed in the outdoor patio he uses to play music while he cooks or gardens. I can tell he loves music with all his soul, a quality he passed down to my mom who would play music just as often just adding in music of her own taste and generation. I also fell in love with sports here. They have a basketball hoop out back and my uncle adored the sport, and would always get me to go outside and play with him so he could have someone to pass down that passion. I loved the raw energy and aggression of basketball, so I loved being able to play with him.
As I grew and became more involved with school, I spent less time at their house. I began taking sports seriously, eventually trying track and ending up being better at it than basketball. My hard work paid off, as I got into USC and walked onto the Track and Field team there. I lost touch with my creative side though, until my senior year and began to breathe more faith into that self again. I decided to stop track and give myself time to get back in touch with my artistic side and plan my next steps post grad. It was such a rocky road and I ended up taking up a lot of odd jobs, seasonal retail gigs, freelance production assistant work, until I eventually got a role as an executive assistant for a production company rep. Truthfully, I’m not a sales person– I didn’t know that at the time– I thought my love for the art would translate to that– but it didn’t. I’m grateful for the experience, though, because that’s what pointed me in the direction of wanting to work on the creative side of production. So after some more hustle, picking up freelance PA gigs and getting my name and face out there I finally landed an office role at RadicalMedia. This is where I’m currently learning all the ins and outs of production and the film industry at large while I continue releasing my music, art, and shoots I direct on my own.
I’m happy with the hybrid structure of working full time and pursuing my art on my own time for now, because I have faith that if I keep at it and build my portfolio, my efforts will eventually pay off to where I can do art full time both as a creative director and film director.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Not at all. I grew up as a low income Latine, queer kid in Los Angeles in an abusive household. Violence was more normal than peace. Cruelty was more normal than love. I had to grow up extremely fast and become painfully self-sufficient to survive whilst still being a super sensitive, intuitive person with no idea how to love themself and put themself first unapologetically. I had no idea how not to be a victim– I literally was not raised to honor my own emotions and then act– I was raised to cater to my parents’ needs and ideals, to fall in line, to pursue blindly without question, to harm myself first before daring to speak up. This led to a path of dysfunctional, abusive relationships, self destructive behaviors, victimhood to sexual predators, and two attempts at suicide throughout my adolescence and early adulthood.
I hit a breaking point about a year post-grad after being sexually assaulted on my 23rd birthday. I was already depressed and struggling from not being able to find a steady job after college. I literally couldn’t even get a barista job even with previous barista experience and a college degree from USC. I was also dealing with a breakup from a toxic relationship. So, after coming off a lot of hard drugs and processing that, I felt like I lost control of the last thing I had: my body. I just completely broke down and lost myself. I ended up on the floor with a razor blade against my wrists but just couldn’t get myself to cut deep enough to end it all. I ended up calling the suicide hotline and just talking there for the next hour.
After that I finally found a new therapist who was experienced with psychology and trauma informed therapy. I also began taking medication for my depression and things have been better ever since. I never stopped my art throughout it all though– if anything the fear of not fulfilling my potential with it is what kept me alive, because at the time, I felt like I had nothing else.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I am a multimedia artist across visual art, both in drawing/painting and directing photos and film, and in music as an independent artist, songwriter, and producer. I’m proud to be so committed to artistry and really, the human spirit, that I don’t box myself in to any one medium. I firmly believe mediums are simply tools used to communicate the universal human experience– but using my own unique life experiences to create something that is ultimately, transcendent. It is my greatest gift, and it’s had to be in order to get to where I want to go coming from where I started.
Do you have any advice for those just starting out?
Lead with your authentic self, trust in your perceptions and dare to believe in yourself first, while always taking time to process and introspect. Being my authentic self comes easily but it has taken me immense inner work to learn to trust and believe in myself and that’s been the key in starting my creative career. I think others who grew up with a lot of intense trauma struggle to do the same but I want every survivor to know that it wasn’t your fault–that you didn’t deserve whatever was put onto you when you needed love and safety, and that there’s no shame in how it’s affected you because you can always change. You deserve a life of your dreams and every little step you take is a radical act of self-love– but you have to be that change you want in your life. So get out there, or keep going if you already are.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://abygailpaez.wixsite.com/abygailjpaez
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/janellerouxx/
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/M4fa5qp4HFs
- Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/abby-j-1446
- Other: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3LuQQ5SmQ526zMe721Ng5d?si=AEwjs6VnT0mi-cgW3fKb2g
Image Credits
Song/Artist: Cruel by Janelle Roux
Director of Photography: Leinea Mueller
MEZCLADO
Creative Director/Producer/Editor: Abygail Paez
Photographer: Adrian Nowak
Stylist: Leinea Mueller
Nails: Sol Lemus
Models: Daniel Canchola & Zefora Kemp
VIRGEN NUEVO
Artist: Abygail Paez
Colored pencil, oil pastel, and gouache paint on multimedia paper
18 x 12 in
Cantarrito
Artist: Abygail Paez
Oil pastel on watercolor paper 6 x 9 in
