Meet Terra Horton of Earth Mama Studios in Highland Park

Today we’d like to introduce you to Terra Horton.

Terra, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I am a breathwork teacher, and since this practice almost invariably results in cathartic tears, I am also a Crying Crusader. My mission is to help people get over the stigma of crying and to see it as a healthy and necessary way of releasing stuck energy in the body, in order to maximize emotional, spiritual and physical health.

I have spent most of my adult life looking for ways to heal, but all the while, I was also hiding from my own shadow. I didn’t know it, but I was afraid to cry or to admit that I had insecurities because of the messages from well-intentioned people I received while growing up. In my early twenties, this contradiction — of wanting to heal, but also being terrified to do so — manifested in my discovery of Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle on the one hand, and drugs and alcohol on the other. While I was working at a bar and getting blackout drunk, I was studying to become an art psychotherapist. My first enlightening psychedelic trip allowed me to see something I called “god,” but I promptly forgot all the details. For years, I didn’t totally grasp the internal conflict going on.

I worked for a few years as a therapist in the foster care system at Penny Lane in East LA. It’s counter-intuitive, but helping abused and neglected youth was inspiring because I got to see their resilience. I could witness their pain, even though I couldn’t acknowledge my own. Although I was in awe of my clients’ courage, I had nightmares almost every night. At the time, I didn’t actually do anything to release the pain I felt after reliving these horrific stories of child abuse with my clients. I realize now that though I thought I was “leaving it at the door” on the way out, the pain was living inside me somewhere.

That pain stayed with me even years later, when I became a mother. When my children were born, I spent as much time as I could with them, working on our secure attachment, helping their little brains grow, guiding them to develop trust in the word. But, oh my goodness, did I ever lose my mind sometimes! My shadow came out to the point that I didn’t recognize myself. How could I love them so much and then scream at them? I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t get a grip.

In my thirties, I thought I had my drinking under control. Most nights, I had a glass or two of wine, or beer, or really anything that was available. I told myself that I deserved it for making it through the day with all the responsibilities of motherhood. Over time, however, I started to feel that it was more complicated than that, that I was using alcohol to mask feelings, to numb out, instead of just taking the edge off. I didn’t like that my sleep was interrupted and I would spend the next day having less emotional reserves. I realized what I wanted from alcohol — to feel calm and relaxed — was not what I was getting. In fact, it was the opposite. I had been trying to hide from the realization that I needed to stop drinking in order to clear my mind and reassess what I needed to do to get ahold of my behavior.

One day, my friend told me about breathwork. He described it as feeling like he “was the strongest person in the world. Strong enough to hold everyone in the room.” I was intrigued. I had heard that usually everyone cries in the room. I didn’t think breathwork would work for me. In fact, I hadn’t cried very much at all in recent years. When my youngest child was born, I didn’t cry for three months. After going through childbirth and the intense changes in family dynamics — I couldn’t imagine why I wouldn’t be crying regularly from being utterly overwhelmed. Now I see that I was holding my family together because I was at the center of it. And I thought crying was showing weakness and would scare my kids.

So what ended up happening was I got mastitis. It felt like intense body aches, like a flu coming on, and I was in a lot of pain. I went to get a massage at a late night walk-in spa because I was so sore. The massage therapist was working on my body, and to my surprise, I started to cry — at first, very softly, and I was trying to hide it. When I couldn’t hide it anymore, I grabbed my clothes, left, and sobbed outside. Once inside my car, I screamed and cried and shook uncontrollably for a long time. I couldn’t make out words. I didn’t calm down for well over an hour. When the dust settled, my mastitis cleared almost immediately. That was the first moment I experienced the connection between releasing stuck emotions and physical health. I wanted more of that release, and I decided I needed to give breathwork a try.

During my first breathwork class, I found it hard to concentrate on breathing. I felt cramping in my hands, tingling in my body, and narrowing of focus in my mind. I remember seeing the answer to something that I had struggled with and felt stuck by. I was able to release it from my pile of stress right there. I cried loudly. When it was over, I felt high, like I had taken ecstasy. My body felt so right and warm and delicious. I could not believe my body could feel like this without drugs. After a few more breathwork classes, I knew this practice was leading me to the answers I was seeking. I cried everyday for a week. I journaled. I faced my shadow. I had been holding onto all these emotions, and closing the door on them at night, instead of letting them come through me and out of me. It felt so good to let them go! And eventually, I did gain clarity enough to stop drinking.

I trained to become a breathwork teacher because I had to bring this healing to other people. I wanted to share what I had learned: that carrying around a body full of pain — the emotional pain of other people in the world, of my children, of our abused Mother Earth — was blocking my energy and required catharsis. When I fully released it, I knew I could create more with the new space I had.

I can now witness pain in others and release it myself. I don’t need to drink to numb myself. It’s about feeling it all.

These days, I see breathwork clients regularly and am always surprised by what it can do for people. I have seen a person’s month-long heart pain be relieved after one class. People have had spirit visit them. Clients are able to feel their chakras and move energy through their bodies. Some people shake and writhe, some people cry loudly, some people laugh, some see angels, some are quiet and thoughtful. In the end, I encourage screaming from the gut if that feels right. I am honored to be witness to this kind of release in other people.

As a breathwork teacher, I see that we carry around the weight of the world inside us and then wonder why we are so stressed. This culture that shames crying in adults (and even children) has not been doing us any favors, so I don’t listen to that message anymore. Because of breathwork, crying has become a welcome occurrence for me, one that is cleansing and merciful and healing.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
This life is about learning, so there are always obstacles to dance with.

I feel a sense of needing to break out of this shell that I was placed in by virtue of being a person in this particular set of circumstances, in this evolving world. I feel very much alive in the future, and almost a stranger to this current world. How could people think the way they do now about power over other humans, animals, and nature? I am blessed with eyes that see, and many times, it feels like a curse.

I am always learning how to get comfortable with the dance of being fully present for the pain and the joy. I have to remind myself a lot to forgive myself for the mistakes I make everyday, especially as a mother.

Forgiveness is key to releasing the heavy burdens of our past.

Please tell us about Earth Mama Studios.
My business is a healing business. I like to use art therapy to help clients access their unconscious better. I like tapping as a tool to release and change the unhelpful thoughts that we make into our personal biography. Mindfulness is big. Of course, breathwork is the tool I find has the most impact in the shortest amount of time. These tools can all be used in session, depending on the client’s comfort.

I also teach a group breathwork class on Sundays at 4:00, and usually runs about an hour. I want to make it easy and affordable for people to get this kind of healing on the regular. It gives people the opportunity to make it home for dinner and Game of Thrones (RIP) and to unwind before the week.

What sets me apart from others is first, there are hardly any breathwork classes on this side of town! The westside has quite a few, but that’s too far for us Eastsiders to travel, let’s be honest. I am personal in my approach. I also give foot, shoulder and head massage, play a killer playlist, use bells, oils, and palo santo. It’s an all-sense experience.

I work with a friend, a talented yoga teacher named Michele Kackovic, on moon and movement ceremonies.

I’m proud of it all. I give what I know I need. It just feels so good to see the healing that other people got from the space I held for them.

If you had to go back in time and start over, would you have done anything differently?
I always wondered if I could go back, would I? I would be this weirdly mature 2nd grader, not phased by other children’s hurtful comments, not pursuing the schoolyard crush I would have because he had not evolved to my level. I would have missed out on all that growth if I had to do it again. I did it just right, and by that I mean, the way it had to unfold.

I work on releasing shame in my attempt to do my future differently than I did my past.

I plan on finding joy whenever I can. I plan on connecting with my kids over controlling them. I plan on putting myself out there. I plan on finding time to work hard on the things that matter to me: healing, connection, beauty, kindness. I plan on using my time wisely for all these pursuits.

Pricing:

• Individual therapy $135-$145/ 50 minutes
• Individual/couples breathwork $150/hour
• Group breathwork $20/hour

Contact Info:

• Address: 5314 N. Figueroa Street
  Unit B Los Angeles, CA 90042
• Website: www.earthmamastudios.com
• Phone: 213-973-8428
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @earthmamastudios

Image Credit:
Khali MacIntyre Photography, Abby Blossom Photography

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