Meet Megan Gray

Today we’d like to introduce you to Megan Gray.

Megan, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
My main form of expression is writing. I just find it so beautiful. It’s the perfect way to capture current and past emotions, spiritual and physical experiences, and interactions with others. When I was around ten I experienced sexual abuse at the hands of my mother’s boyfriend. From that point on, growing up and dealing with my sexuality, and making friends with kids my own age, became confusing and difficult. I first began writing in my teens as a way to cope with the trauma of the assault and bullying I faced in school.  In my late teens, I started experimenting heavily with drugs, which turned into addiction until I broke away from that scene in my early twenties, after moving away from New York.

My mother and my fiance passed away within six months of each other. It was really difficult trying to reach out to blood relatives because I kept so quiet about my personal life, having moved out of the household at a young age and really maintaining my independence into adulthood. Nobody knew what I had gone through, how I had taken care of my mother during the last year of her life, about my substance abuse or even about my engagement. Obviously, these experiences are not isolated to one person. So many people have terrible things happen to them, and that’s why I continued to write. Even if it was on scraps of paper laying around the apartment. Others have gone through similar events or worse, so really I was writing not just for me, but for many. I never shared what I wrote with anyone though. I just kept it private, like my own form of therapy.

After taking a three-year hiatus from college, I finally graduated in 2018 and decided to come out here to L.A. I thought it would be easier living around other creatives but life is hard anywhere you go. I’ve already seen the beginning and end of a few friendships and relationships, jobs, and apartments; but writing is my consistency. It helps me to to channel the constant change. My mother, Carrie Marabeas, published a poetry book entitled “I’ll Go” with Vantage Press, which liquidated a few years back. My poetry book, “In All Their Forms,” is currently being edited. I’d like to get a professional set of eyes on it before I self publish (hopefully by the end of August). Through the whole process, I’m learning what I love about myself and what is toxic. I’m learning what my true perspective on life is.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
I have a feeling my life path won’t ever be completely smooth. Whose is, right? I struggle mainly with personal relationships. I feel very deeply, and I have a big desire to help others whenever I can. I love to observe people, and my observations are largely what inspires my writing, but I can be clumsy with the execution. I love too much or not at all. People sometimes don’t know how to react to or handle me. There are lots of blocks I need to clear away, especially with my family. Even though some of my relationships with family or others aren’t perfect, they are very revealing about how I handle myself, and it’s obviously had a huge influence on my poetry.

Please tell us about your work.
“In All Their Forms” will be my first ever published work, and I’m really nervous about how people will react to the writing – specifically the style. It isn’t always flowery and pretty. The message of each poem is pretty straightforward.

The poems are very specific, and they detail events and individuals in my life. When possible, I try to let people know that I’m writing about them, even when the writing isn’t friendly. I think it’s important to be vulnerable and honest. For those who know me the best, though, the poetry will seem very normal, just like conversation. It’ll be broken up into two sections, one more personal than the other. It’s all very subjective but I’m hoping at least a few people will find solidarity in it. I’m happy to be sharing myself with the world, even if I’m not where I feel I should be in life at this moment. Maybe nobody is ever truly satisfied with where they are. As long as you’re honest about who you are, that’s what counts. I think I’m getting much better at that.

Do you look back particularly fondly on any memories from childhood?
Living in Michigan. Everything about it. The people are friendly, the air is clean, they still have seasons…I was there from the time I was an infant until about nine years old. That is the only part of my life that I can remember where I was consistently happy. I lived with my mother and my grandparents in a ranch-style house in Dearborn Heights. I had friends, my siblings still came to visit, we had a beautiful backyard. I was oblivious to the quickness of life. I thought childhood would last forever. I loved climbing the sycamore and apple trees. Birthday parties were always a huge deal. All the kids in the family would get together and have day-long playdates with cake and balloons and cartoons…everything felt normal. My aunt would always tell me that things weren’t perfect, but as a kid, you don’t know that you know? And you don’t have to. That’s not your job. Now that I’m older, I see all the cracks. Nobody talks to each other anymore, family gatherings are always kind of awkward, that sort of thing. But I have family here in California too – all of my lovely, weird, creative friends who are trying to get in touch with their higher selves through their craft, just like me. I’m grateful for that, and I’m excited for what’s to come.