Meet Mari A. Lee of Growth Counseling Services

Today we’d like to introduce you to Mari A. Lee.

Mari, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
“Your heart knows the way, run in that direction.” – Rumi

I’ve loved Rumi from the time I was very young, and his wise words have been the background music to my life. I’m a native California girl, a mermaid at heart who was born in Santa Monica near the waves and sand 56 years ago. However, I spent my early years in foster care dealing with many challenges including poverty, bullying, loneliness, and hunger.

I was a shy kid who did not speak much but listened and observed. I escaped by burying my head in books during the day and dreaming of a better life at night. Eventually, an older-upper-middle-class, well-educated couple adopted me. Unfortunately, my hope of a safe new life quickly evaporated as the woman was physically and verbally abusive, and the man was a sexually abusive dictator.

The nightmare I experienced in the foster care system worsened exponentially in that house of horrors. Once again, I turned toward books and my imagination to see me through that traumatic time. This was when my entrepreneurial spirit took flight; I realized that working hard and saving money would help me access freedom more quickly in order to create a better life for myself.

With that in mind, I began working at the age of ten, picking strawberries, walking dogs, babysitting, and doing yard work for neighbors. And I saved my money, week after week, year after year, I knew one day I would need that money to escape.

At 16 years old, after a particularly abusive incident, hiding in my closet drying my tears on a pair of pajama bottoms, I realized that the only person who was going to rescue me was myself. So, I walked out of the front door and into the world with nothing more than a pillowcase of clothing, a couple of well-worn books, a skateboard, and a stuffed animal with $700 of babysitting money hidden inside. I never returned. And I never regretted that choice.

“When the world pushes you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray.” ~Rumi

After six months of sleeping on friends’ couches and working odd jobs, I bought a cheap airline ticket and moved to Maui. The island was a sanctuary and even though I was as poor as a church mouse, and more than a little scared, I was free! In order to eat and pay for the shabby room I was renting, I supported myself by selling shell necklaces on the beach during the day, t-shirts in a tattoo shop at night, and rationing out my food to make it last.

When I wasn’t working, I used nature to heal my heart and strengthen my spirit. I hiked for hours on fragrant, lush trails, slid down waterfalls, swam in the warm Hawaiian ocean, and napped in the sand. I picked fruit off of trees, hung out with safe human beings, made friends, and learned a new culture of kindness. My time on that island allowed me to gain a sense of self-worth. I felt like I had value and purpose for the first time in my young life.

At 18 years old, I moved back to Los Angeles and attended a one-year Cosmetology Program in order to secure trade and the ability to support myself financially. I attended school 8 hours during the day, Monday-Friday, and then worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken from 6 PM until midnight each night, Monday-Saturday.

After work, my manager who was a very sweet woman would give a couple of pieces of the leftover chicken and a few rolls to eat for my lunch the next day. Bone tired after a 16 hour day of school and work, I’d hitch a ride or walk the mile back to a tiny studio apartment where I would feed my little rescue kitty “Fred” part of my chicken, and then attend to my beauty school homework until I fell asleep.

When the alarm went off five hours later, I would jump into my uniform and begin another long day and night. Suffice to say I can’t stand the taste or smell of KFC to this day, ha! I call this season in my life the “year of the uniform,” because I was required to wear a white uniform for school, and a brown uniform for work. Even though I love fashion, this worked out well, as I could not afford to purchase clothing at that time anyway.

And, for what it is worth, this was back in 1980/1981 – I had no car, no mobile phone, no Internet, no family support, and very little money or food, and I slept in a sleeping bag on my studio apartment floor. However, I was rich with friends, my heart was filled with gratitude, and I had a will to learn, apply myself, and work hard.

After receiving my Cosmetology License, I landed a job in Orange County as a hair and makeup artist. I was thrilled to be close to my beloved ocean once again. And, as always, I began to save money and my salon tips. Eventually, I had saved enough to buy my first car – a junky old wreck, but it got me around, and I felt incredibly proud of myself.

“What you seek, is seeking you. ~ Rumi

With hard work, early therapy and healing, resiliency, determination, prayer, the occasional kindness of others, and good old-fashioned elbow grease, I kept moving forward. I knew my life was to be used as a service to others. And so it has been.

Here is a quick glance at my professional journey. A journey I called “From Rags to Resiliency”:
I created my first profitable beauty business by 21 years of age, which I sold at a profit when I was 25 years old. Soon after this, I was offered a position managing a graphic design department for a top-tier financial investment company. I was with this company, consistently growing and learning about finance and business for several years. During this time, I purchased my first little home with my own money at 29 years old. This was unheard of for a former foster care kid.

I have never once borrowed on my home, and it is a home that I still own to this day. At 30 years old, I created a fashion product that allowed me to get rid of my old junker car and pay for my first brand new car. I left corporate America at 31 to start my second very successful business, Eden Design & Interiors, which I owned and operated at a profit for several years. When I was 38, I was offered a corporate position fundraising and managing multi-million dollar budgets for homeless rescue missions across the country. I traveled extensively throughout the US overseeing a professional team.

As a former homeless child and teen, this work was near and dear to my heart. My favorite part of this position was working directly with the homeless men, women, and children supporting their healing journeys. Those beautiful and courageous people inspired me to pursue higher education. And so, at 40 years of age, I decided to leave this position and go back to school with the goal of obtaining a Masters Degree in Psychology.

I felt pulled to help other adults heal unresolved childhood sexual abuse and trauma. I remember saying to my younger sister, also a former foster kid, “I’ll be 45 years old before I have a Master’s Degree, so perhaps it is too late for me?” She looked me right in my eyes, and said, “Well Mari, you are going to turn 45 anyway God willing, so you may as well celebrate by following what you are being called to do.” And so I did.

With her help, I paid for every class, every book, semester after semester, out of my own pocket. I worked two jobs, and I ate a lot of soup and oatmeal during those years in order to fulfill my academic dream. Some days were more difficult than others, but I kept my focus and reminded myself I’d been through a lot in my life and I’d get through this.

Sure enough, at 45 years young I had a Masters Degree and a counseling practice helping hurting people heal. At 48, after three years of intensive clinical internships, and passing two grueling exams, I received my License to practice Marriage and Family Therapy in the State of California, as well as my Certification in Sex Addiction Therapy.

I then founded my third business, Growth Counseling Services, www.GrowthCounselingServices.com, a private practice in Glendora, California where I continue to work with individuals dealing with sex and porn addiction, and betrayed partners and spouses. Each day I am in awe of the immense courage that my clinical clients demonstrate. And I stand in gratitude that I can add healing to a hurting world.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you.”~Rumi

People often ask how I decided on my clinical specialization of treating sex and pornography addiction, and spouse/partner betrayal trauma. Here is the story behind that decision:
During my final year in my graduate program, I discovered that my significant other was dealing with sex and pornography addiction. As you can imagine, it was a very challenging time. I felt shattered, confused and angry. The betrayal was intense and heartbreaking.

There were times when I felt like quitting and just throwing in the towel. However, I poured my pain into research and wrote my 200-page thesis on the trauma that partners and spouses of sex and porn addicts deal with.

This research later became the foundation for my best selling book, “Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts” (Amazon), and my second book, “Healing Betrayal.” (Amazon). I am currently writing my third book about trauma, resiliency, and healing, called, “The Gift in the Wound” which will be out in 2020.

As a result of my research on partners’ trauma, another gift in my betrayal wound was I was accepted into the distinguished CSAT Certification Program (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) with the International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals, and trained directly with founder Dr. Patrick Carnes who is the pioneer for sex addiction recovery.

This path opened up doors to several professional opportunities and achievements including publishing books, paid speaking, keynote speaking, teaching, creating passive and leveraged income streams through workbooks, exercises, paid webinars, workshops, and retreats.

Had it not been for the painful realization that my significant other was dealing with this addiction, now almost 20 years ago, I would not have pursued this specialization. During that traumatic time, I would not have thought that one day I would be grateful for that experience.

As a result of my own journey from heartbreak to healing, I have had the privilege of helping hundreds of other hurting people, both sex and porn addicts, and their partners and spouses, heal and create lives and relationships they are proud of. And that brings me immense happiness and satisfaction.

“When you do things from the soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” ~ Rumi

I currently work with my counseling clients via teletherapy (phone sessions). Living in a large metropolis like Los Angeles, which is often gridlocked in traffic, my therapy clients enjoy the convenience of meeting for their phone sessions from the comfort of their homes or offices.

In addition to my clinical work, I also provide business coaching through “The Counselor’s Coach” www.TheCounselorsCoach.com to therapists from all around the United States and the world, including Canada, Australia, and the UK. I love supporting therapists in achieving their dreams; it is a professional passion of mine!

Finally, one of my favorite business achievements is co-founding, “The Shine Retreat for Women” in Laguna Beach, California. My colleague Anna Osborne, who is also a therapist, and I facilitate a 3-day weekend every other fall in Laguna. All adult women are welcomed – no matter your ethnicity, gender, spirituality, orientation, profession, age or size.

Diverse women from all over the world attend the retreat for an affordable weekend of restoration, pampering, connection, inspiration, healing, and fun! It is a drama and political free zone, where we embrace inclusivity and kindness. Our next Shine Retreat is happening in October of 2019. You can find out more here: www.ShineRetreatForWomen.com.

“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” ~ Rumi

In my down time, I love spending time with friends and family and my sweet rescue pets. I am also an advocate for equal rights and the #MeToo movement. I write, speak, march, fundraise and support these causes with the intention of helping this hurting world gain more peace, love, equality, and understanding.

And, I still visit my beloved Island every couple of years! I continue to enjoy hiking the lush trails, swimming in the warm Hawaiian ocean, snorkeling, and soaking in the Aloha spirit.

I reflect with deep gratitude on the life I’ve lived so far. I feel incredibly blessed to have had every moment, and every memory – even the tough pieces and parts of my journey. And I am grateful for every person, the angels, and the assholes, who gifted me with invaluable lessons and wisdom that I carry with me to this day. There are gifts in the wound; you just have to be willing to see them.

In closing, I hope my humble story inspires other human beings to dig deep, find their tribe of supportive people and healers, trust their internal compass and gifts, keep reaching for their personal and professional dreams, and know that if I can do it, anyone can!

Contact Info:

• Website: www.GrowthCounselingServices.com/www.TheCounselorsCoach.Com/
  www.ShineRetreatforWomen.com
• Email: [email protected]/[email protected]/
  [email protected]
• Instagram: https://www.facebook.com/womenwhoshine/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MariALeeTherapy/

Image Credit:
Elaine Torres

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