Meet Daniel Kim of Abcs of Attraction in Hollywood

Today we’d like to introduce you to Daniel Kim.

I hid the fact that I played the violin, was good at math, that I was intelligent, that I ate Korean food, that I talked with my parents on the phone in a different language, and that we were different. I hated my Korean culture. I never wanted to bring my friends over because of my Asian household. I used to judge other Asians with my fake Caucasian friends who kept me around as entertainment. I was the butt of every joke in high school and started with my Asian ethnicity. Before Halloween, I teepeed a Chinese Immigrants House while doing ding dong ditch. The father opened the door and I watched as my friends teased him because he didn’t speak English. My father’s image passed before my eyes, and yet I did nothing. I teased him and judged his son on the bus. I never stood up for the guy.

My parents did work at nail salons and dry cleaners. And I allowed people to make fun of that. I didn’t see that their jobs were the symbol of hard work and how immigrants work their butts off to make a living for their families. I remember my mom came home crying once that kids harassed her, mocking her by creating “Asian eyes”, and making fun of her. I remember I wanted to kill them. I told her I wanted to come to work and protect her.

This went all the way through my adult life. I allowed others to tease me, to look down on our race. They said they were joking and you know what, I accepted that. But I always knew in the back of my mind, I did not want to accept it. I wanted to speak up about it. I wanted to tell them, “hey, the jokes are disrespectful. I don’t care that you find it funny. I do not. So I appreciate it if you stop.” However, I never spoke up. Day by day, my own confidence decreased and I never accepted my Asian Male identity. Then I got stationed in South Korea and everything changed. For the first time, I was never judged as an “Asian Male”. I was judged on me, on what kind of man I was. Everyone judged me on my words, my actions, my habits, and never what the color of my skin was. For the first time, I can be ME and what I do defines me. I am not a Korean American male but I am just a male.

Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
It hasn’t been a smooth road.

For me, I hated being Asian. I hated it so much that I made fun of my fellow Asian brothers. I despised Asians who stuck together. I judged every guy in my orchestra class. I made fun of the Asians in my high school with the so-called caucasian “bullies” I was with. I even teepeed a Chinese immigrant’s house…despite feeling an immense guilt inside of me. I saw the father coming out yelling at us when we did and it reminded me of all the racism my parents faced while doing nails and dry cleaners. I even tried to be friends with the caucasian kids even though all I was to them was a laughing joke. I was the target and butt of their jokes. Everyday they used my Asian identity and me so they can have power over me. (DISCLAIMER: I am not referring to all Caucasian males. I am only talking about the bullies and racists.)

And you know what? I became just like those bullies. When I first started the whole Asian Masculinity thing, I wanted to turn my fellow Asian brothers into these bullies. I wanted them to lift weights, dress like them, act like them, bully other people like them, and have this image of what western society created for the alpha male. The typical Hollywood Caucasian male in Hollywood.