Today we’d like to introduce you to Cindy Clark.
So, before we jump into specific questions, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I’d have to say half of me was born this way, the other half was shaped. Maybe that’s how everyone is. But I was born with both fury and curiosity. My dad said I struggled with sleep as a baby and I’d hit my head on things when I was tired intentionally. I have a fixation of light. And because of that, water. I always have. I’m not even sure how to describe what I am now so it makes it difficult choosing what details to include in what shaped me. Everything played a role. I feel I’ve led a life of beautiful luscious vitality wrapped in tragedy and terror. My childhood was hard because my mother was very violent but she was also very preoccupied with nature. No matter how poor we were, she didn’t hesitate to provide us with more arts and craft supplies than we could possibly need. Any time I didn’t like something, which was a lot of the time, out of necessity as a coping mechanism, I began making play into a means of shaping a new world- one that I liked. That bled into everything I am and everything I do today. College wasn’t essential for me in any way but one- I found out how to exist outside the war zone [the war zone being family]. It proved very difficult. I brought the war with me. It was in my mind. I was cripplingly mentally ill and suicidal. At 18, I went to a psychiatrist on campus. I was immediately diagnosed “textbook bipolar disorder type I. I knew it was true. That’s why I went in the first place. I was begging for help. Some people go on debating whether or not taking psychiatric medication would help them, for me it was an easier decision. I had to do it to live or I was not going to make it. It didn’t make taking medication easier to accept though. I wanted nothing to do with it. I just had to.
And so I began the twist and turns and treadmill of learning how to care for one’s own mental illness. I can honestly say after over a decade of treatment including therapy, medications, self-education and developed coping mechanisms, I have a better handle on the beast than ever. But a beast is just that- a beast. So I keep light on my toes. It’s never really over. I can’t begin to describe who I am without the struggle. I only do what I do in efforts to replenish my will to live daily, otherwise I become suicidal. I keep my own wonder in tact. My obsessions with light and words and sounds became my greatest ally in containing my own illness. I turned them into various faucets of art all heavily intertwined, all serving the purpose of helping me see the world for what it is, with that the pain, but turning the hurt into a source of inspiration for myself. An outlet. A purpose. Something glittery. Something I wanted to see. It doesn’t seem to matter the medium. It all can produce meaning to me. That is why my art isn’t really chained to one form.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
Not smooth by any means. Enduring divorce, child abuse, a family with addiction issues. Enduring mental illness such as Bipolar I, ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD. Enduring physical illness that cause almost constant physical pain such as a bone tumor on my femur, bulging disc in my back, a deformed urethra resulting in very frequent infection, and some other things like gallstones, polycystic ovarian syndrome, thyroid disease. Learning how to take care of myself financially with no ability to retain a ‘normal’ job. Also, various hardships and tragedies on the way that continually brings me to my knees. For instance, my grandfather this year was hit by a vehicle when he was walking at 82 years old. He survived the next seven months and I was attempting to fight for his life when a family member attempting to steal his resources blocked me from being able to communicate with my grandpa’s doctors. The same person abandoned him. Ultimately resulting in me not even being able to visit him with the onset of the pandemic. He died seven months after the accident. Seven days later, I was driving through and intersection on a green light. A guy blew a red and completely totaled my car. All the airbags deployed and I hit my head really hard on the side one. I have been recovering ever since. That was seven weeks ago. That’s just one random of many events in my life that seemingly weigh me down. It’s been a constant series of things like these. You have to find the enjoyment in every day. Doesn’t matter what happens to you. My grandpa taught me that. Keep punching.
We’d love to hear more about your work and what you are currently focused on. What else should we know?
That’s an easy one. Integrity. That’s what I’m proud of because I don’t see it very often. I think a lot of the things people make are dictated by money or popularity. Not mine. I won’t do a thing simply because it will sell. I want to do it or I don’t. I have zero interest in saying anything that isn’t coming straight from me. I would rather do anything else to get my basic needs than allow money to convolute my art. I do things all of the time that I think will cause me to lose support and followers. I say things never because I know what people want to hear, but what I believe to be true, at all costs. I have never been easy to influence. I have no issue being an outlier. I have always been heavily evasive concerning groups. I think groupthink is extremely bad for people. I think that is very evident amidst this pandemic and thousands are dying as a result. Although I am extremely emotional and empathetic, I value logic over those aspects of myself. Science is the only law. I’ve been talking all this time never even saying what I do.
Well, I have a band called mediocore. The band means more than anything else to me. I play guitar/ sing. I write poetry and make it into songs. I play with a drummer Joey D’Alfonso and my bass player Lukas West. Lukas plays the guitars sometimes as well and I switch to bass. I am also a photographer. I have a Bachelor’s in Photography. I shoot mainly environmental portraiture. I have often shot and edited music videos as well. I model both for art and sometimes commercially. I have created a brand/ shop surrounding all of the elements in my spectrum of things I create making them into apparel or prints in various forms. I have been using the items I create to sustain my band while satisfying my own lifelong obsession with wanting a t-shirt brand.
Any shoutouts? Who else deserves credit in this story – who has played a meaningful role?
Lukas for starters. He is not only my bandmate but my boyfriend and partner in everything I do at this point. He’s been my friend, my nurse, my writing partner. He pushes me in a way others don’t and doesn’t take up space in my life of anything less than that which we are most passionate about. Plus he’s funny as fuck. My dad because I love him and he made me obsessed with the ocean. My mom because even though she’s difficult she loves nature and art. My grandpa because he was just a hilarious badass. My aunt because she never would take without giving back more, even as I care for her daily at 84 with dementia, she still has a way of giving more than she takes, even though she is bedridden. My siblings because they allowed me to know actual unconditional love that I can’t escape. Nature.
Science. My teachers. My drummer, Joey for beats. My engineer Dave Swanson because he makes my band sound rad. My friends. My photographers. My dog Polar Clark is my hero. And DEFINITELY, the people who follow and support my art throughout the years. I see you. I am humbled that you would actually cause me to be able to sustain this machine I’ve been brewing. Thank you.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.medioc0re.com
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/girlwolf/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/medi0c0re
- Other: https://www.instagram.com/medio_core_/
Image Credit:
Live band shot whole band: Jay Kantor Album art by girlwolf featuring Mineral Visions microscope art Live guitar shot Tim Edwards Green bass shot: Jay Kantor Boxer shot: Eric Artman MUA: Allie Towell Portrait: Natalia Britt
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