Today we’d like to introduce you to Jeanette Yoffe.
Jeanette, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I was born and raised in New York. I grew up in the New York state foster care system and was adopted at the age of seven and a half. I didn’t realize, for many years, how this early life experience shaped me. I was in a constant search of “who am I? ” and “where did I come from?” Looking back, I came from an era of closed adoptions, which still exists today. Which means once you are separated from your biological family, you no longer have access or connection to them. You literally receive a new identity, a new name, and an “amended” birth certificate with your adoptive parents listed as your biological parents! In a closed adoption, even as an adult, you are not allowed to have access to your original birth certificate, which would show your birth parents names. You are “denied” this basic human right. My original birth certificate, however, does exist, and is archived by the New York State Department of Health. So, growing up, I never knew who my birth family was, until I started searching at the age of 17.
I found out from the agency I was adopted from, some non-identifying information about my birth family, which led me to find my birth father alive, and living in Manhattan, as well as learning that my mother had mental illness. I approached my father via telephone and letters, however, he was not open to having a relationship, due to the traumatic memories of losing me at the age of fifteen months. It was all too painful for him to see me again. And finding my mother, who was native Argentinean, was like finding a needle in a haystack. All this information took a long time to come to terms with. And I learned to cope by being “somebody else.” Early on, acting became a way to search for “self” but not be “in self.” Life was too real for me; a fantasy life was a much safer place. However, it did not provide me with a much-needed form of health identity formation. I became more chameleon-like, adapting at every turn and suffered from depression and anxiety.
That’s when I turned to psychology, seeking out understanding and reconciliation with my past. This became my life quest; after I performed a one-woman show I wrote titled, “What’s Your Name, Who’s Your Daddy?” which portrayed my lifeline trajectory of growing up in foster care, adoption, and the journey of searching for my birth family. Performing this show for nine months, in essence, was a re-birthing of taking matters into my own hands, helping others, and learning how to adapt myself. I moved to Los Angeles pursuing acting, and ended up studying psychology.
Has it been a smooth road?
Growing up in foster care and adoption at times has left me feeling less than, misunderstood, and confused. There were times in my life that I experienced great overwhelm, as well as great grief. I have cried buckets, I often tell others. There is a part of us that will always grieve the loss of what could have been, had we stayed with our birth families. I had terrible self-esteem, and often blamed myself, thinking this was all my fault. I did not believe in my strengths or abilities, I always worked very hard but could not get to the place I wanted to be. It was never good enough. I had a lot of shame and did not talk about it, until I turned to psychotherapy. I felt helpless and lone, like living with a “unseen wound,” a wound that was constantly grieving underneath my skin. Once I could name it and give it voice, could I understand and start having compassion for my wounded self.
The search for my biological mother took over 10 years. It is unfortunate that “it takes a miracle to find your birth family for an adoptee.” We need to know our story of “what happened” to us, for our emotional and psychological health, otherwise we believe there was something “wrong about us,” for this to happen.
We’d love to hear more about your business.
In 2002, I earned my Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology, specializing in children, from Antioch University in Los Angeles. I started a private practice and am now a licensed Psychotherapist and clinical director of Yoffe Therapy, a small group of clinicians specializing in healing children’s/adult’s grief/loss upon separation from their original families, and we help facilitate attachment within adoptive families. This work has been so rewarding emotionally and psychologically inside and out. I feel blessed that I could take my life experience and now make it my expertise!
Since graduating, I have trained and worked with organizations such as the Los Angeles Department of Child and Family Services, Los Angeles Department of Mental Health, Children’s Law Center of Los Angeles, Children’s Bureau of Southern California, Kinship Center, Olive Crest, Pennylane, Vista Del Mar, Adoption Support Center at the Stephen S. Wise Temple, Antioch Counseling Center, Holy Family Services, Southern California Foster Family/Adoption Agency and Child Welfare League.
In 2003, I started developing a series of therapeutic interventions for working with foster and adopted children and published my first book in 2014 titled Groundbreaking Interventions: Working with Traumatized Children, Teens and Families in Foster Care and Adoption which is available on Amazon. I also have tutorials of these interventions featured on my YouTube channel Yoffe Therapy.
In 2006, I received the Foster Care Hero Advocate award for the Foster Care Awareness Campaign from the County of Los Angeles for contributions to the children and families served by the Los Angeles County Foster Care System.
In 2009, I created Adopt Salon, an open adult support group which includes all members of the foster care and adoption constellation- first mothers/fathers, adoptees, foster youth alumni, foster parents and adoptive parents.
In 2012, I started a non-profit, Celia Center, named after my first mother, Celia, dedicated to supporting, educating, and bringing awareness to the critical needs of the foster care and adoption population in Los Angeles and beyond. The Adopt Salon support group appeared on Oprah’s TV show Raising Whitley and TLC’s Long Lost Family.
In 2014, Mayor Eric Garcetti, honored Celia Center with a Certificate of Appreciation for our “Facing Trauma with Truth” conference, held at the Luxe Hotel. This conference provided pre and post adoption support and bridged compassion between all members of the foster care and adoption constellation, positively impacting the lives of many Angelinos.
Is our city a good place to do what you do?
Yes, being in Los Angeles, the creative capital of the world, I believe is full of possibility. If you can imagine it, it can become. I fully believe in the power of tenacity, drive and discipline. It takes time to make your dreams into reality. You have to be willing to be disciplined and compromise. Life is always throwing you a curve, stay focused, do not distract yourself with too much ambition, take one step at a time.
Organize your short-term goals to get to your long-term goals. When you are passionate about something in your heart, those around you will support you. You must be authentic and clear about what your passions are, and this takes time, growing up time, and taking the time to learn from your own upbringing and all it has to teach you.
Contact Info:
- Address: 2001 S. Barrington Avenue, Suite 214
Los Angeles, CA 90025 - Website: www.CeliaCenter.org
- Phone: 877-858-6917
- Email: [email protected]
- Other: https://celiacenter.org/shop/pats-post-adoption-transitional-support-five-part-series/
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