Today we’d like to introduce you to Calista Termini.
Calista, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
I grew up in the suburbs of Massachusetts and received my bachelor’s degree from Emerson College in 1993. Immediately upon graduation, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. The last 15 years of that career were spent editing television programming.
At the age of 48, I decided to change careers to one where I was creating a meaningful difference for myself and others. I went back to school for my master’s degree in clinical psychology and am now an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT). I also volunteer at the National Suicide Hotline as a crisis counselor, and I’m a support group facilitator at the Los Angeles LGBT Center.
Lastly, my ex-wife and I have been filming for our own YouTube channel and podcast called, “The Rage” which at its heart is about a family breaking apart and coming together in a reimagined way after the realization that I am a transgender woman.
Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
To be where I am today, there were significant hurdles that I needed to overcome. Most notably was my childhood trauma which “set the stage” for so many of my behaviors as a young adult. I’d be lying if I said that I’ve overcome all the emotional scars that were stamped in during my formative years, but my awareness of those scars and how to circumvent the self-destructive behaviors that resulted was key to me thriving as a person.
Another major obstacle was for me to accept my authentic self. If you were to ask any transgender person why they chose to be trans they would tell you flat out that it was not a choice. I struggled for decades in denial of my truth. As a result, I was plagued with depression, social anxiety, and low self-esteem. To combat that darkness there were anti-depressants, alcohol, and social isolation – none of which brought any lasting relief. Finally, it came to the point that I knew that if I didn’t address my gender identity, the denial would end up killing me. After being on anti-depressants for 18 years, it only took seven days of hormone therapy and self-acceptance for my depression to go into full remission. Where there was once this constant feeling like I had a big hole torn from my core, that hole now has been replaced with feelings of love and belonging – things I had searched for my entire life but had seemed so elusive to find. The irony, of course, was that I had what I needed all along. I just needed to embrace my truth.
Alright – so let’s talk business. Tell us about The Los Angeles Gender Center (LAGC) – what should we know?
The mission of the Los Angeles Gender Center is to provide affordable, accessible, and affirming mental health care for gender non-conforming, non-binary, and transgender children, adolescents, adults, and their families.
LAGC provides referrals to affiliate therapists who have expertise in the area of gender, gender identity, and gender dysphoria. They offer identity affirming, individual and family therapy services to children, adults, parents, and partners. Currently, we have affiliates with offices in Santa Monica, Westwood, DTLA, Beverly adjacent, West Hollywood, Studio City, and South Pasadena.
Our vision is that through advocacy, training, education and centering gender non-conforming and transgender voices, we are committed to cutting edge comprehensive education for professionals and mental health providers interested in creating supportive and inclusive environments in which gender may be freely expressed, respected, and celebrated.
Is there a characteristic or quality that you feel is essential to success?
My life has not been easy (whose has?). Still, the struggle is what has shaped me into the person I am today – someone who is grateful to be alive and has an abundance of joy in their heart. My life has radically changed, and while I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through the same upheaval that I’ve endured, I am living my authentic life and that has made all the difference.
While my marriage ended, I’m proud of the fact that both my ex-wife and I are better friends to each other now than we ever were while married. I am also able to be much more present and emotionally available to my daughter. Instead of repeating the learned behavior of my childhood, I make time to show up for her, help guide her, and let her know that she matters. Even though things have changed significantly, all three of us working hard to redefine what it means to be a family even though we’re no longer all living under one roof.
Before transitioning, I was closed-minded and distant. Today I focus on being vulnerable and open to new experiences. My goals in life are significantly different than what they were just a few short years ago. Instead of chasing money and acquiring shiny objects, today, I look for ways to be a contribution to the lives of others. Living authentically allowed me to finally overcome depression and connect with people in ways that had previously seemed impossible. Yes, I have my share of regrets, and I have lost people who were close to me along the way, too. But all of it, the exquisite pain and joy of living has shaped me into a better person than the one who felt so lost and alone just a few short years ago. Today, I’m grateful to be alive. I think it’s also safe to say that my life has passed the half-way mark, so I want to make whatever time I have left count. To that end, I’d like to think that I’m living up to the old adage, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Pricing:
- LAGC affiliates operate in private practice. fees, insurance, and scheduling are not determined by LAGC.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.lagendercenter.org
- Email: [email protected]
- Instagram: @lagendercenter
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/LAGenderCenter
Image Credit:
Calista Termini
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