Today we’d like to introduce you to Aayush Kumaran
Hi Aayush, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
My story is basically a series of wrong turns, bad decisions, and mistakes I’ve made that have somehow put me on the one path that leads to my childhood dreams being fulfilled.
I’ve always loved movies, TV and theater, but the day I really knew I wanted to be an actor is the day I watched ‘Main Hoon Na’ with my family in cinema. I was nine, and I remember throwing tantrums and protesting wanting to go out (probably for some petty reason, I was a brat). I sat there grumpily and had already decided that I would hate this movie. Then I watched Shah Rukh Khan’s performance, and it changed my world. I’d seen him in movies before, but the way he brought Major Ram Sharma to life and how his character lived and interacted with others around him was awe-inspiring. I knew that night, that I wanted to be an actor like Shah Rukh Khan.
Soon after, I moved from Dubai to Mumbai. My parents didn’t move with me because of work so it was just my sister, me, and extended family as guardians. I didn’t know how scary that change would be. A series of unfortunate events, the new environment, and the absence of my parents gave way for some fear to settle in, and I let it fester. I felt lost and alone, and I was willing to do anything and be anyone in order to fit in, even if that meant hiding my dreams and passions in order to avoid judgment and ridicule. Ironically enough, I silenced my dream of acting while living in the heart of Bollywood. When I left Mumbai to study at a university in Toronto, I found myself lacking purpose. I jumped from conventional major to conventional major, in attempts to make my parents proud, but ended up failing at all of them. I eventually dropped out in pursuit of a job thinking that would give me some purpose. I also tried to earn a living through other passions like dance and martial arts, but I craved something more. Eventually I lost myself to a series of mental health struggles.
I moved back to Mumbai when the COVID pandemic hit in 2020. With a whole year in complete solitude, I had ample time to reflect, face my fears, and try chasing what I was truly passionate about. After all, the world had stopped, and I was at rock bottom: There wasn’t anything left to lose. I finally confided in my parents and close friends, spoke my desires out loud, and surprisingly found the support I never thought I had or would ever have. My very next decision was to audition for acting schools and train to hone my talent. My drive brought me to the Lee Strasberg school in LA in 2021, and since then everything I’ve done has been in pursuit of growing as an actor, and learning to better express myself artistically.
Since moving to LA, I’ve completed a two year degree program in method acting, I still train at other studios, and I find myself consistently acting in student films, independent projects, and some fun plays! I’ve learned so much about the world of filmmaking, and I’ve also found a particular penchant for stunts. Thanks to my martial arts skillsets I have also been working as stuntman and stunt coordinator, in addition to acting. I hold my head high and proudly claim my ambitions of being an actor now, regardless of how the world perceives it. Every day that I do something in service of my creative endeavors is a day that brings me and my younger self absolute joy.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
I think the biggest struggle I’ve faced has been my mental health, because it set off an avalanche of issues that eventually grew into much more unmanageable problems which I find myself fighting against today. TW: Self harm/suicidal thoughts.
Around the time I moved to Mumbai for school, I started to feel anxious about a lot of things. Socially, I felt outcasted due to incidents and my being new to their environment. Very quickly, it became a daily issue, and I found myself dealing with health concerns as the anxiety manifested into something worse. Around 5th grade, I started losing my hair at an alarming rate. It only made my school life that much harder, and not having parents to come home to meant there wasn’t really a safe space to deal with how I was feeling. The daily stress only worsened, and I let it affect my performance academically as well. Back then, there wasn’t much of a conversation about mental health, so all of this just looked like Aayush was bad at doing things, and unfortunately that notion rooted itself very strongly in my mind. From then on, I operated as if that was the truth of it, because I had no idea why my body reacted to things the way it did. My teachers chalked it up to a lack of focus and inability to concentrate and complete tasks. Eventually I just accepted that I’m not good at anything, and I’m losing hair because I’m just some ugly loser. Seemed to align with all the yelling from parents and teachers and all the bullying from peers, so I went with it.
I carried that with me to Toronto and let it affect everything I did, and my relationships as well. I’ve consistently had the crappiest self image and absolutely no self respect, so I allowed a lot of abuse by people and also in other forms. Then when things worsened and I started experiencing depressive symptoms, I had no idea what was happening to me. Again, it wasn’t something that was talked about in my household, and it didn’t feel like something I was allowed to experience, because then I would be “damaged” or “crazy”. Especially since I was a man, there was no way I could be depressed because that would mean that I was weak, and I didn’t want to feel any weaker than I already felt back then. I bounced from one job to the next. I quit whenever I was getting close to a promotion. Not addressing any of this but still feeling constant physical and mental symptoms of anxiety and depression drove me to frequent suicidal thoughts. After months of entertaining those thoughts, I took a shot at self harm. I still never talked about it, and found myself attempting it in different ways two more times. The only thing that kept me from committing was the fear and this burning feeling that I’m not done yet, but I couldn’t make sense of it.
Towards the end of 2019, my father noticed some things and convinced me to come back home, and in 2020 I asked to see a therapist because I just wanted to feel better. During the pandemic, I was able to reflect on a lot of things and recognize a lot more with the help of therapy. I understood what I was experiencing, and came to terms with my anxiety disorder and alopecia. I spoke truthfully about my depressive spiral and now I believe I recognize the signs if and when they show. Unpacking all of this and actually opening up a conversation about mental health allowed me to face so many truths. I was also able to reignite my passion for what I’ve wanted most. I’m not saying anything is “fixed”, but I’m much more capable of managing my mental and physical health now. I feel no shame in being honest about my mental health. Thankfully, the world has also become a safer space for this conversation. I still plan on speaking out and advocating for better mental health practices for the youth and the next generation.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I’m an actor. I’ve studied method acting at the Lee Strasberg Institute, and since graduating from the AOS program I’ve been explanding my craft and “actors toolkit” by training at other studios as well. I’ve only just started working as an actor in Novemeber 2023 due to visa limitations, and I’ve had a thrilling year with this acting career so far.
My experience and training in method acting has allowed me to approach characters in a completely wholistic manner. I find myself creating entire lives, histories, dreams, ambitions, and fears for every character that I have the privilege to embody. This has allowed me to work on different characters across genres. That being said, personally I am a huge fan of comedy and action. I find myself able to open up as absurdly and extremely as I want within comedy, and then the process of molding that expression and refining it into a character is such a fun experience! Due to my training in martial arts I also found myself particularly adept at film fighting. I’ve been training in film fighting consistently since I moved to LA, and I’ve developed an appreciation for the work. It’s very similar to real fighting, but at the same time it’s a completely different approach. The intricacies of film fighting and stunt work are mind blowing, and stunt teams deserve so much respect for everything that they do and go through. Since November, I’ve had the privilege to act in action scenes, and also work as stuntman and stunt coordinator on various projects. The beauty I’ve found in action is that when there are no more words to speak, the action becomes the conversation. Who you are as a character exists in how you move, and ultimately how you fight. I would like to say that I specialize in action, because as a genre action pairs well with pretty much any other genre and allows me to fully develop characters in that wholistic manner, while also getting to express myself through movement and staged combat.
I’m very proud of all the work I’ve done this past year. I absolutely LOVE this work. I don’t know if others feel this, but my instincts lead me and force me to do my very best in this line of work. My instincts keep pushing me to work harder and learn more from my peers and mentors in this field. So far, everything I’ve done has made me a better actor and person than I was yesterday. I’ve got this unrelenting desire to keep following my gut and give my whole heart to projects that I’m working on, and it genuinely helps me sleep better at night. There’s no judgement or apprehension, no matter the task. As long as I’m getting to be a part of a creative story, and as long as I’m following my gut, I have no reason to give anything less than 100% of myself to this work. It’s allowed me to channel my drive into not only acting, but other aspects of theater and filmmaking like stage combat, stunt work, and assistant directing! Even through the strikes, the visa/legal struggles, the innumerable rejections, and all the low points, I wholeheartedly love this stuff. I’ve never felt more at home.
How can people work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
If you’ve got a story you believe in and you want to bring to life, or you just want to have fun and let your creative spirit run wild, I’d love to be a part of that journey! I love collaborating with other artists, writers, actors, directors, etc. I’m currently auditioning every day, and seeking representation for theatrical and commercial work so I can turn this passion into something that also helps pay the bills. If you’re an agent or manager, I’d love the opportunity to chat! If you’re currently casting, I’d be honored to audition for your project. If you’re a fellow actor and you just want to work on scenes, or maybe do some cool action stuff and throw me into a padded wall for your reel, LETS GO! You can always reach out to me on my instagram @akuma.run.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/akuma.run/
- Youtube: https://youtu.be/CbIErLurhek
