jessica pressler shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
jessica, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. Who are you learning from right now?
I learn from everyone. Not just the experts or the authors or the recognized teachers, but from every person I encounter—the stranger at the coffee shop, the commenters on my posts, the people I pass while walking my dogs. I’ve spent a lifetime committed to listening, really listening, rather than just waiting to speak. I listen to the people I love, to the podcasts that challenge me, to the articles that make me reconsider what I thought I knew. I ask questions not to appear curious, but because I genuinely am.
The truth is, everyone has something to teach if we’re willing to learn. Every conversation, every piece of criticism, every different perspective is an opportunity to refine my understanding or have my mind changed entirely. That openness—to being wrong, to being surprised, to discovering I had it backwards—that’s where real growth happens. Learning isn’t a formal process reserved for classrooms and credentialed instructors. It’s woven into the fabric of daily life, available to anyone willing to stay curious and humble enough to recognize that wisdom doesn’t always announce itself with degrees or accolades.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Jessica Anne Pressler. I am a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker, podcast host, blogger, influencer, hospice social worker, mother, wife, and friend. Eight and a half years ago, after my youngest child graduated high school, I moved to California without a job and without knowing anyone except my two youngest, who were in college here. But I knew—with an almost spiritual certainty—that this was where I had to be. It was a calling. I never looked back, and it was absolutely the right choice. My love for nature brought me here, and now I live on the beach where I can look at the ocean and the mountains at the same time. I am in heaven. I am grateful beyond words. I kiss the sand every single day. I am blessed to volunteer for hospice, and I spend my days editing a book I hope to release in the spring called Traitor Within. I’ve also just released a companion journal with prompts called Your Traitor Within, and I host a podcast of the same name where guests share their own “Traitor Within” stories. You may ask: what is a Traitor Within? The “Traitor Within” is a term I created to act as a tangible and workable tool to help people identify and overcome repetitive self-sabotaging behavior. It’s a misguided aspect of self that repeatedly leads us down self-destructive pathways. The Traitor is primarily formed in childhood through factors such as trauma, toxic messaging, and dysfunctional modeling. It can resurface as an inner monologue or a state of being that presents as dysfunctional, repetitive behavior. The memoir coming out in spring tells my story—my journey with my own Traitor Within. I’ve always believed that telling our stories is a powerful way of teaching, so this isn’t another traditional self-help book. It’s written like a novel, as a narrative. By the end of the book, by the end of my journey as I discover my Traitor Within, readers will understand the concept deeply. Then they can use the journal Your Traitor Within to help discover their own Traitor and begin healing. I also teach on social media and have written about 120—maybe 130 by now—blogs on various mental health subjects, all available on my website, jessicaannepressler.com, along with curated mental health resources. I spend my days editing the book, walking my puppies, being available for hospice families and others who ask me for help, interviewing guests for my podcast, creating videos for social media, and writing my blogs and spend time with family and friends.
Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As a child, in order to feel safe, I learned to be the good girl. To stay somewhat invisible. To be quiet at the dinner table, to not share what I thought or felt—a pattern that began when I was told I was adopted. The message I internalized was clear: Don’t make waves. Don’t be too much. Don’t give them a reason to send you back.
What kept me feeling safer as a child became my “Traitor Within” in my adult romantic relationships. I looked the other way when abuse occurred, when infidelity happened, when narcissistic comments were hurled at me. I felt safer remaining in these toxic relationships than I would have if I’d left—or if they had left me. That terrified little girl inside was still whispering: Stay small. Stay quiet. Forget the truth, It’s my fault, Don’t rock the boat, or you’ll be abandoned.
It took years of healing to silence my “Traitor Within,” to recognize that I no longer needed those childhood survival strategies to keep me safe. Now I can be my authentic self—speaking up, setting boundaries, refusing to shrink. But that journey from survival to authenticity? It required me to finally feel safe enough to let go of the very mechanisms that once protected me. I was insecure as a child. I was insecure an adult in romantic relationships. where intimacy is tested. I now feel safe to be me and no longer do things to sabotage my authentic self.
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
Throughout my life, I was taught and reinforced that telling people of my pain only brought more pain. Since childhood I was told I was too sensitive, that my feelings didn’t matter, that they weren’t valid—so I learned to keep them to myself. Unless I was triggered and for a moment spoke out, only to be reprimanded, put down, humiliated. The message was clear: something was wrong with me. Asking for the simplest things was asking too much.
Finally, for a couple years before I moved to California, I decided I must do the work. I had to figure out why I kept sabotaging my mental health in romantic relationships. In doing so, I discovered that the pain I was feeling was valid. That the people who told me it wasn’t—particularly in romantic relationships—were doing so for their own self-interest. And not only were my feelings valid, as all feelings are, they were warranted.
I’ve been a psychotherapist since 1988, teaching others exactly what I was now teaching myself. Once I put my “Traitor Within aside, I could see things more clearly. She no longer had her hands over my eyes. Then I was able to speak out without feeling shame or feeling I was wrong, and I realized I wasn’t alone. I realized I could help other people by speaking out. The more I spoke, the less shame I felt, the less wrong I felt.
I still have work to do, but now I use the story of my pain to help others, and that is power and helping others. I
Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? What would your closest friends say really matters to you?
I didn’t want to speak for them, so I asked two and what came back to me was truth, authenticity, love, compassion, family, and making the world a better place.
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. What is the story you hope people tell about you when you’re gone?
I hope people say that I lived my life helping others become their best, most authentic selves and live joyful and fulfilling lives. That despite years of emotional pain, I chose to love and to truly live. That I learned from everything life taught me and never held onto anger—I forgave all of it, releasing the weight of what hurt me. I hope they say I never wished anything negative toward others, that I only wanted everyone to be happy and fulfilled and successful, even the ones who caused me pain. That I believed deeply in truth and wished I had the power to stop hate and wars. They will know that I wished for more time—more time to love, more time to help others find their way. Most of all, I hope the Traitor Within concept helps people build happier and healthier lives and relationships. And I hope my children learned from me—not just from who I became in my healthier years, but from the whole journey of how I got there, so they could carry that wisdom forward into their own lives and share it with others. I hope people realize how much I loved them and that my love is pure and I hope they know that I loved them for who they are and believed in them and that I’m sending love from the universe, always and forever.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://jessicaannepressler.com
- Instagram: @jessicaannepressler
- Linkedin: Jessicaannepressler
- Facebook: @jessicaannepressler
- Youtube: jessicaannepressler0
Image Credits
Susan Bowles
@susanbowlusphoto ( social media )
