Life, Values & Legacy: Our Chat with Jerami Monreal

Jerami Monreal shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Jerami, we’re thrilled to have you with us today. Before we jump into your intro and the heart of the interview, let’s start with a bit of an ice breaker: Are you walking a path—or wandering?
This is a question I wasn’t ready to be faced with today. I would say a path has been set for me- in my mind it is to build community in the most organic way possible to me. The only issue that leads me to wandering about the path is that my actions are constantly changing/evolving. I am low-maintenance to a fault. In addition to that I am more flexible than a contortionist. I am willing to admit when a means to action isn’t working, sometimes too willing. I know that I love people feeling comfortable, engaging with others, laughing, and growing. I have done this in a multitude of ways and in different capacities. I have done this as a leader in a comedy group, a supervisor at a cafe, as a captain of a kickball team, and most prominently as a teacher. So, I have definitely taken many detours off my path; stopped and smelled plenty of flowers, and ogled at many a powerful trees. I am always progressing along the path whether it be on it, or beside it. I’m just enjoying the botanical garden that is life.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
Hello, my name is Jerami Monreal. I’m just a lil’ guy. I am a man of many self assigned titles. Comedian/Producer/Teacher/Kickball God/Aforementioned Lil’ Guy. My story is rooted in delusion; much like your story- I’m sure. The delusion that I possess the ability to connect to anyone with humility, empathy, and curiosity through humor. This paired with the delusion that people like to hear me speak in any capacity. I couldn’t tell you where exactly I got my sense of humor. I know my dad joked a lot, he also mumbled significantly, the only reason I could tell you they were jokes was cause he would laugh at his own punch-lines; even his laughs would have benefited from subtitles sometimes. My mom is a self-proclaimed dork, and as time has gone on- the case has only worsened. If you are a god-fearing human, please pray for her recovery. All I could tell you- is that the happiest moments in my life have been coupled with laughter. So, it only makes sense that I seek to bring laughter to those around me.

Something unique about me is that I don’t think I know it all. Through years of hard work, and two sessions with a therapist telling me “It is what it is”- I have come to realize this. I know that sounds kind of plain- but after a decade of talking to a lot of performers, I can assure you, it is a rarity. This mantra helps me continue to learn, seek new practices, begin again, and keep an open ear to any and all willing to talk to me.

Another unique thing about me is I get joy from helping people succeed. I have done this by providing people a space to creatively explore their talent, giving advice, and even recommending people for jobs.

Things I am working on are all labors of love (meaning they free as hell and may be a financial burden down the road) Shows I currently have running are : Unboxing (this is an improv/stand-up show), Oddly Satisfying (a true comedy variety show ran by a collective of performers), Variety; Slice of Life (Variety show ran out of Republic of Pie), and Co-host a stand-up show called Mind Melt.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What relationship most shaped how you see yourself?
I won’t divulge names, and it’s almost embarrassing for me to say this- but a short-lived relationship that everyone saw me be in complete shambles about over the past year. It was finally where I saw strength in vulnerability. Where I felt home, and I finally felt seen. Up until that point, I felt that every relationship I had had was expectations of me-instead of just caring for me. Part of me always felt a little unworthy- because I felt like I was giving a version of myself that they wanted, and not being my authentic self. We talked about everything with no shame, and accepted the worst parts of each other. I was afraid of giving everything to a relationship because I thought if I gave everything, then what was left for me? But this connection showed me that everything I gave opened up so many doors for me, emotionally. It made me realize that I even had the capacity for that in my life. In the short span of that relationship I felt loved, pushed, inspired, and trusted. I would listen and hang onto every word that left the side of her mouth. (She kinda talked that way). I would sit in the stillness of the room as we held each other and the rest of the world would fall silent.

Obviously- it didn’t work out, but the clarity that came with the love I had made life easier for me. It made me realize that I didn’t have to choose one thing over the other. That love could indeed simplify life, and help nurture my dreams. It helped me kind of realize the things in past relationships that didn’t work for me. I always assumed that I was the problem. In fairness, I was a large part of the problem. I learned that, maybe, some people just weren’t my people. I had a hard time admitting that without feeling like a piece of shit. Once I had stumbled into that relationship I realized I am loving, I am strong, I am funny dammit, and my vulnerability is what makes me relatable to those around me. Even though that relationship didn’t pan out- i’m grateful that she unlocked that side of me that I can one day share with the right person. Until then, those around me will have to suffer with all this mushy love I have to give. Sorry guys, blame her.

When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
I think I stopped hiding my pain a little over a year and a half ago when I admitted to myself, and those around me- that I felt stuck. I think I had so much pent up sadness that I let percolate through my entire body. I would reveal to others one piece of information at a time that I was struggling. I would always share it with hesitancy, and also try and convey that it was alright; downplay it. I would do this because I was afraid to say out loud that I was not ok. I don’t enjoy people worrying about me. I don’t like feeling like my problems are unique and should take precedence over anyone else’s daily life. As time went on I would try and be more bold as to say “I’m not alright- I am pretty sad.” The thing with being light-hearted so often in life- is that people assume you will bounce back in no time. However, the longer I went on not delving into these issues with loved ones and/or professionals, the harder it was for me to bounce back. I started feeling disconnected from everyone. I would be in groups and feel alone. I started feeling like things I said or did held no value- so I would refrain from doing either. My brain was my most active enemy, and he was a worthy adversary; winning more oft than not. I went past the feeling of sadness, reached indifference, and was numb. I had held off on medication for so long because I was afraid. Afraid of it altering any facet of my being, but also afraid of feeling weak and appearing weak to people I loved. I had lived thus far with no help in that regard- but it was time for me to try something different. I asked for a therapist, a psychiatrist, and then I was prescribed anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety medication. I held off on telling my mom and step-dad, but told those that saw me every day just so they could tell me if I was acting weird. Medication helped me quell the noise in my head. It helped me sit with myself, and not feel like a waste of space. All the self-hate talk wasn’t there and I could begin to heal. Once I was comfortable enough with the stigma around medication, and I hadn’t had a complete melt-down, I shared my information with everyone. I was right to believe that my struggle wasn’t unique. Howefer, I had it skewed negatively as opposed to viewing it positively and as something that could help me connect with people. I was more present with people, and I was more empathetic towards everyone. It really helped me teach in a more inspiring way. I was more patient with my students, and I cared more about how they were in life rather than how they felt about the class. I found that because I was more caring about how they were emotionally/mentally they were more likely to retain lessons and understand instruction. At the end of the day everyone carries anxieties with them that we don’t acknowledge. I find though if they feel supported in a capacity that shows I care about your well-being outside of the confines of this space, they are 10 times more receptive to whatever you are doing.

I just recently quit my medication because I feel like I gathered the tools to help navigate my sad moments. I will say though, with the past year, had I not been medicated, I am not sure I would have gotten through it. I’ve felt great depths of sadness this past year. I’ve received professional help, as well as help from close ones and I am eternally grateful for all of them. I needed medication to push me past the hump and get to acceptance. I know there are some people who have the philosophy that being medicated is bad- but there is no shame with help. My grandma had severe depression, and adhd. Medication helped her live a full life. She loved deeply, inspired many, and helped everyone. So, please, if you are on the fence about help in any capacity- please feel strong enough to tell those who love you, and know that if you decide to get medicated people will respect you for it. If they don’t- just let me know. I’ll punch them straight in the mouth.

Little funny side-note I took the anti-depressants but I never took the anti-anxiety pills because….well…the thought of them gave me anxiety.

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? What’s a belief you used to hold tightly but now think was naive or wrong?
That I can make everyone happy. In theory- it sounds great, but ultimately impossible. I’m not saying that I am out here being rude or disrespectful to anyone. I always try to treat everyone with basic human decency, and respect. There were too many times, however, that I would bend over backwards for every person. In depth conversations, going over semantics, being overly flexible and allowing to change my stance for the betterment of our relationship.

Not everything you do will make people happy- but that doesn’t mean that those things aren’t right for you. This also means that not every person is owed every aspect of you. The lines between friends and acquaintances can be blurred. It needs to be known, there is a definite distinction between the two. The more time you allot to salvaging a connection that isn’t suited for your well-being, the more you’ll lose yourself. Treat others with kindness, and understanding but don’t give every person parts of you that should only be given to few.

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. When do you feel most at peace?
When I am sitting back and watching everyone not only be themselves but enjoy those around them. That’s why I like putting on events, and shows. Just the joy I get of seeing everyone be in a space together and in the moment.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jmonreallycool/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jerami-monreal-3531b0223/

Image Credits
Jill Petracek, and Luke Wink-Moran