We recently had the chance to connect with Antonia Petersen and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Antonia, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What makes you lose track of time—and find yourself again?
I find myself within the in-between moments while I’m in the creative process, when I am one with myself and the work at hand. As the work is being built, I find pieces of myself within it. I seek the fullest potential from every idea and search for possibilities, finding internal shifts that go inward and expand at the same time. I am obsessed with refining my work and revealing more about myself through the process.
If my mind is thinking about the future or past, my mind resists getting into the flow state, and time moves by slowly. The key to losing track of time or being present is allowing myself to feel safe within my body. Any amount of fear or doubt will remove me from flow. To find myself, I fearlessly create and express, not thinking about the past or future, but by being here now. (It is always much easier said than done). I think that’s where authenticity comes from–a fearlessness to exist as one’s self in this very moment.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m an independent performing artist currently based in Los Angeles. I have a vast background in various styles of dance like jazz, ballet, contemporary, jazz funk, tap and heels dance. I dove into pole dancing very naturally in 2022, and I more recently have started to teach level 1 and 2 pole dancing. Other passions and creative practices of mine include modeling, songwriting, poetry, singing, dance improvisation, choreography and creative direction.
I’m inspired by expressing raw and guttural feelings. While I’m dancing I am constantly releasing something. I move with intention and reason. I always used to do too much, I’d move frantically with anxiety and fear, like I was trying to hide or runaway from myself because I feared being seen. As I’ve grown I’ve learned that oftentimes less is more, so long as the intention behind each movement has clarity. To slow down and find the calm I had to learn to grow comfortable with being seen. By doing a bit less, it carves space for my identity to shine through the movement, and honor who I am as a dancer.
Part of being a performing artist to me is revealing my inner world for others to witness. It feels intimate and it may be too much for some people – which is how I like it. My art must question things, it must challenge people, it must make others ask questions about themselves. A lot of my work expresses sensuality which feels so raw and real to me. I feel invigorated when I shamelessly and fearlessly express in this way, completely owning my body. I yield my own power, in my own hands, and no one can take that from me.
I have been a dancer all my life but I still feel as though my career as an artist is just beginning and I’ve got a lot of growing, research and building to do. After an artistically suffocating upbringing in competitive dance I’ve had to release fear stored in my body to find myself. I can’t build something I believe has meaning and expresses my truth with fear trapped in my body. I can’t be partially free and partially fearful. I have to be 100% fearless and present to show up for my art.
I have resisted some commercial success opportunities that felt inauthentic to me, so my path is slower but I believe holding firm onto my authentic vision and doing what feels right to me will always be worth it. Collaborating with other artists and building community has been monumental in my path. I trade my knowledge of pole dancing for singing lessons and other skills I am growing with artists who naturally become my good friends. I’ve learned so much from the people I surround myself with. As an artist, community is everything. Behind every successful artist is a loving support system.
My main goal as an artist is to perform on stages and tour the world, sharing my inner world with people through music, dance, pole dancing, and theatrical story telling. Creating immersive experiences through powerful visuals and sound that is raw, authentic and fearless. With my platform and my art I curate a safe space for others to feel seen and to free themselves. My art is made for people who seek to heal themselves. I am devoted to my vision and every day I am grateful to continue exploring myself as an artist.
Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What part of you has served its purpose and must now be released?
The fear I store in my body to keep me safe is holding me back, not only as a dancer and an artist, but as a human.
Recently, I took a solo trip to Berlin. I went there for a contemporary dance workshop, to take pole dancing classes, explore the art scene, and to visit Europe since I had never been over the Atlantic Ocean.
In the dance workshop, there were certain things about my movement that my teacher brought to my attention that resonated deeply with me. My tight jaw was a huge one, because I’ve always ground my teeth in my sleep, and I’ve always felt like I had to hold back my words and my truth. My voice teacher previously mentioned this to me, too.
Another life-changing realization I had during improvisation was how fearful I was of falling, of getting thrown off balance.
He told me, “you have to fall to know what it feels like to fall” and it struck me deeply. I had been terrified of falling and allowing my weight to shift, but the risk-taking within movement is what makes it beautiful. The fear was apparent in my dancing, making me stiff and cutting my movements off short. My body can’t find flow with fear trapped inside of it. I have to let go and learn how to fall. I can’t keep fearing looking stupid or weak–it is holding me back.
I learned how to comfort myself, and I am still learning. During my trip in Berlin, it’s like I was able to communicate with my inner child and have dialogue with her in my head. Solo travel always helps me connect more deeply with myself and my subconscious feelings, so this trip was a lot about me releasing buried fears in my body.
The fear once served a purpose, an attempt to keep me safe from harsh words and criticism, embarrassment and shame. All it is doing now is holding me back. So I’m learning to release the fear I used to cling to. I don’t ever fully have things figured out, but I am opening up more and my life is expanding because of it. To loosen up the blockages, it’s always uncomfortable at first, but it’s part of the reparenting process that will ultimately help to heal myself and release my fears.
What did suffering teach you that success never could?
Suffering taught me compassion. It taught me that humans are resilient beings. It revealed truth about humanity to me that I may not have been able to see without my experiences. The truth that we are much more than what we achieve or what we do. Our existence itself is worthy. I had to learn that I am worthy when I fail, that I am enough despite my hardships, and that I am not only stronger, but I am more caring, sensitive and alive because of it.
Without my suffering, I wouldn’t be the strong person I am today, and I may not have gotten to know myself fully. Suffering teaches us a lot about ourselves that success never could. There is a process of self-undoing and self-discovery that comes from suffering, oftentimes against our will. Darkness came into my life to teach me something, and what I learned from it is now apart of my purpose.
So a lot of these questions go deep, but if you are open to it, we’ve got a few more questions that we’d love to get your take on. What’s a belief or project you’re committed to, no matter how long it takes?
I am committed to learning how to sing. I love writing poetry and I have always dreamed of being able to perform my own songs and sing them with my own voice. Music moves me so deeply and is the main motivation behind everything I do. Although I am the most familiar with dance and movement, music is something I am committed t0 and it’s something I focus on behind the scenes. I want to share my work when I feel proud of what I create, which may take some time but I’m devoted to this path. As a dancer who grew up in a controlling environment where I had to remain silent the majority of the time, singing is healing for me. I desire to take back my voice that I had felt was once stolen from me. I think I could help heal a lot of people who experienced similar things as I did.
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. Have you ever gotten what you wanted, and found it did not satisfy you?
Yes, many times!
Growing up doing competitive dance put me in the mindset of, “if only I could achieve this one thing, I’ll be happy”. It was devastating when I would fail, but when I would succeed, I would immediately think of reasons why I shouldn’t have deserved it. Was I doing things for my own enjoyment, or for someone else’s validation and praise? Or society’s validation and praise?
The truth is, I just wanted to know I was loved, and I tried earning love through achievements. I never felt that I was allowed to enjoy things, and I’d always punish myself for failing. After some life changing experiences and things that made me question my own mortality, I decided to really let go of labels and start doing more of what excites me. I live a lot more than I used to and it inspires others, even though I am still on my journey of self-love. It’s definitely not easy to be satisfied as a self-aware artist because I always am pushing myself to be better and do more, but if I don’t stop and validate myself without the external success, I will never be satisfied.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/antonia_petersen/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@antoniapetersen4480
- Other: Book Pole Dance Lessons:
https://www.etheriapoledance.com
Image Credits
Jeff Yiu
Janine Grosche
Maia Saavedra
Bailey Soffury
Natasha Wilson
Slade Segerson
