Today we’d like to introduce you to Nicolette Mullins.
Hi Nicolette, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I was eighteen years old when I witnessed a four-year-old Cambodian child being handed over to a fifty-something white man in the red light district in Phnom Penh. I was there on a brief mission trip—helping women and children that had fallen victim to sex trafficking in a safe home setting. These women were receiving mental health services, schooling, vocational services, and optional religious services. As a sheltered, naive teen, I was horrified at what I had witnessed but also in love with the support that I was offering. That is where my story begins.
By age twenty-one, I was working in a refuge center in my home state of Kentucky— a center that helped women leave the sex industry. I had a vision of opening my own nonprofit, becoming a therapist, hosting fundraisers, and freeing women from the bondage of sex slavery.
Also, I was a virgin.
I was a closeted queer woman in an oppressive religious environment; yet, despite the differences, I connected to the women that I was serving. These women were from all corners of the industry—prostitutes, strippers, and porn stars. Their stories, though filled with struggle, resonated with me in a way that I hadn’t experienced too often before. Somehow, someway, they seemed to like talking to me too. While I had considered being a therapist from a younger age (partially inspired by Jamie Lee Curtis’ performance in Freaky Friday), my time working with these women was a formative moment in my career path.
I always wanted to help others. Some may call this a Savior Complex— I prefer to call it a desire to learn more about the world around me and the unique and fascinating people that make up that world. The more that I learned, though, the more my own world changed. It is at this point of my journey that I moved to California to start graduate studies in marriage and family therapy.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
It has not been a smooth road, but that’s ok—beautiful things are made from struggle.
My parents were hard-working, humble people from Appalachia. They moved to Lexington, Kentucky, to seek better jobs before I was born. I was a first-generation college graduate and the first of my immediate family to fly a plane or leave the country. I was determined to achieve my goals, but I struggled every day with feeling different. I was playfully teased growing up. If it wasn’t one thing, it was something else. I was always the shortest kid, a bit sheltered, and neurodivergent. I carried the weight of unprocessed trauma and unrecognized, internalized homophobia. There were plenty of reasons to grow into insecurity by adulthood.
These insecurities made it difficult to move forward smoothly in my career pursuits or in a way that was “typical.” I’m good at being a therapist, but I’m really bad at small talk. I would continue to receive excellent feedback on my therapeutic skills but not be picked for the team. So, when I didn’t get the internships or jobs that I wanted, I would internalize this as a problem with myself. Depression does not discriminate.
By twenty-seven, the same year I became a licensed marriage and family therapist and had started my private practice, my own trauma reared its ugly head, and I could not physically or emotionally keep living the way that I was living. I had recognized my own toxicity, dusted off my queer identity, and challenged my traditional family values—despite the risk to many of my relationships. Doing this in the same year I started my own practice took a lot of self-protection, discernment, and self-care. A new business is so delicate, and, at times, so was I.
A few months ago, right before age thirty, I had the opportunity to come out to several of my clients. It was important to me to start advertising as a queer therapist and that they heard this from me. It takes time to build a relationship with a therapist, and going through a huge identity shift really required my intentionality with them. I am so grateful for the trust my clients continue to have in me.
As you know, we’re big fans of Sonder Therapy. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
Sonder is a word coined by John Koenig that means the realization that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as your own. This is something that resonates for me in my work. Every day I get to know people more intimately, helping them work through their struggles and relationship issues. Each client that I work with comes with a unique story and place in the world.
I am able to provide therapy to people in the adult entertainment industry and am currently partnered with an organization, Pineapple Support, that can provide some support to this population. Unlike my previous vision, I want to provide sex workers with mental health services, advocating for the freedom of choice and sexual liberation.
I also work with attachment trauma in adults, codependency, and am currently completing EMDR training. I would consider these to be my areas of focus as I move forward in my career. Of course, the interesting thing about moving forward is that we never know where life could take us. What sets me apart is the way that I stay open to that change and what I can learn about a person just by listening to them. I look forward to what I might learn next.
Alright, so to wrap up, is there anything else you’d like to share with us?
Your mental health is important! My website is a space where you can find resources of many kinds to get started if you are ready to seek help. If you have struggled with codependency, I will be opening support groups in January 2024. Check out sondertherapy.net for more information!
Contact Info:
- Website: Sondertherapy.net
- Instagram: @sondertherapy_la
Image Credits: Talia Lidia
