Today we’d like to introduce you to Alexa Van
Hi Alexa, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I’m from Seattle, Washington, and I’ve often felt disconnected from the experience of being human. As a child, I dreamed of being a magical being because the world seemed harsh. I escaped into my imagination and began writing for fun at a young age; it came naturally to me. I also discovered my passion for music and was blessed with a great voice. I loved singing and performing in plays at the local theater.
Unfortunately, my upbringing was tumultuous. By age 12, I had traded my artistic pursuits for drugs and heavy drinking. By 17, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue a singing career. However, by that time, I was already a full-blown alcoholic. Though I landed a gig with Universal fairly quickly, I struggled to cope with the intense schedule. After a year in a toxic environment that put immense pressure on me, I decided to quit. Traumatized by the controlling atmosphere, I fell into a deep depression and moved back to the Pacific Northwest, eventually settling in Portland, OR.
Lost and rebellious, I spiraled back into drinking and drug use. The lowest point of my life was so extreme that I found myself facing death. Yet, a small voice within me urged me to return to my dreams—music and art—and somehow, I listened.
I followed that dream back to Los Angeles and got sober. That marked the beginning of my real journey. At 22, I realized I had never truly dealt with life. The only thing that kept me going was my burning desire to create, coupled with the hope that I could still turn my life around.
For years, every day felt like a struggle. I often felt out of place on this planet, at times so frozen that I couldn’t create. I questioned my motivations. Yet, slowly—very slowly—I began to come alive again. I found my voice, formed a band, and returned to the stage. Still, my past haunted me. There was so much left unsaid, and societal pressures squeezed me to the point of suffocation.
I hadn’t planned to write a book, but I knew I had something important to express. One day, amid the chaos of 2020, I wrote my first novel, Breakfast at Sassy’s. In this book, I explore my struggles through the perspectives of somewhat fictional characters, Desiree and Clint.
I feel there are countless individuals consumed by life’s darkness who never get a second chance. Characters like Desiree often get forgotten and discarded, while those like Clint may slip through without consequence. I wanted to illuminate the darker sides of life, human nature, and relationships. Everyone has the potential to be both a villain and a hero; it’s all too easy to fall from grace and incredibly challenging to piece oneself back together. I aimed to show empathy for every side of the story.
Releasing this book was terrifying. It required immense vulnerability to reveal my past. Yet, I care less about others’ opinions and more about demonstrating that no matter how far you’ve fallen, redemption is always possible.
Going forward, I aspire to help others—especially women—find their truth and create from that place, no matter how daunting it may feel. Life is not so black and white.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
The daily struggle of coping with depression, anxiety, and untreated ADHD have made my journey a slow one. I often felt like I’d take two steps forward, one step back, or just slide all the way back to the beginning.
Being an artist is a passionate, sometimes desperate feeling. I love LA and all the weird, fun, interesting people here. Still, the city is expensive and sometimes the starving artist lifestyle is not so romantic. I’ve been working towards creating a life that feels fulfilling, day by day, without the extreme burnout that follows creating a body of work while existing in a capitalist society. I am currently designing a program to support creatives with that, which I’m very excited about.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I used to think of myself as primarily a musician. I was in a band until 2021 called Alexa Van and The Blackouts. Now I write and work with friends on a solo project, under my name–Alexa Van. We are releasing an EP this year.
My debut novel, Breakfast at Sassy’s, has been my main focus. With this novel I was able to delve deeper into my lowest point, how it was to be an alcoholic stripper (verses how other’s projected onto me.) How I leaned into being this version of myself, and how that never really leaves us-but it does shape the way we see the world.
In Breakfast at Sassy’s, you get to see from the male’s perspective first–giving a fun and almost “manic pixie dream girl” feel to the story. When the perspective shifts to Desiree’s… you see that life is merely something for her to survive. This story shows how we all escape reality differently, and that sometimes the “good guy” is just as f*cked up as everyone else.
I am more drawn to writing now, and I plan to continue writing novels. I’ll see where that takes me.
Both my music and writing play with the paradoxical nature of life, using irony and humor to convey the beauty in darkness.
The crisis has affected us all in different ways. How has it affected you and any important lessons or epiphanies you can share with us?
I’ve learned that I thrive in a working from home structure. That I was so incredibly burned out from the daily demands of life, that once my nervous system recalibrated, I actually became more productive. I was able to find my own natural flow. I also learned that I don’t like working for other people, but I do love to collaborate. I need other people’s energy and ideas to build upon my own. You can only get so far on your own.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.alexavan.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebadalexavan
- Soundcloud: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5HWOmlhGFoHW3kjdbCG1VM
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebadalexavan
Image Credits
Eden Dozier
Dustin McWethy
