Today we’d like to introduce you to Nicole Bourbon.
Nicole, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
Brief and my story don’t always go hand in hand. To shoot it straight, at the age of 15, I became pregnant with my greatest blessing, my son. It was my first real relationship in high school that involved attempted suicide (by his father) after I broke up with him. Overcome with guilt, I became his lifeline as he was sent away to visit his parents in Scotland and returned home to the South Bay to finish high school and “be with me”. I felt responsible for his life. What happened next is straight off of an MTV episode of “My So Called Life”. Remember that? Homecoming night was the night that changed my whole life. Becoming a mother at 15 wasn’t something I planned. But it became who I am today. It transformed me. I found myself in motherhood. I found my purpose.
My life was basketball. I breathed it. It was my escape. And with the blink of an eye, my future, as I had envisioned it, was gone. With staunchly Catholic parents, in no few words, I was told I was going to keep my child. And so, 9 months later, over the summer before my junior year, I gave birth to my son. His father was in and out of the picture, mostly out, and so with an overwhelming sense of responsibility to be a parent, I faced the reality that I would be doing it alone, for the most part. My story really encompasses the challenges that a teenager may endure while becoming a mother in high school. Facing the judgment of peers, administrators, family, and society, is a lot to take on. It shapes you. It shaped me. I had to come to terms with the reality of my future, but not as others envisioned, but rather, the new future that I would create for me and my son.
What I hope others gain from me sharing my story, is that everyone, regardless of appearances, struggles and faces some form of adversity. You can’t listen to what others tell you is your “doom” or consequences of your action. If you embrace your decisions, accept your reality, and focus on evolving as a person, you alone can determine your future. In my case, my determination led to the future of my son. My purpose. I used education as a vehicle to his success and what I would so humbly refer to as my success. See, when I became pregnant, my public high school attempted to kick me to the curb. But with the support of my parents, I rallied for my right to stay in school and hold on to the one tool that I knew would ensure the foundation we needed to remain mobile in society. And I did. I defied a lot of odds. I stayed in high school. I persevered. And I went on to graduate college, pursued and completed a graduate degree with top honors, and successfully empowered my son to get into college as well. By remaining actionable in my own vision for our future, I created the space for the both of us to thrive. By sharing my journey, I hope others will find that no matter what obstacle they may face, it is more than possible to overcome.
Overall, has it been relatively smooth? If not, what were some of the struggles along the way?
I don’t even know what a smooth road looks like. But I dig that. I enjoy the bumps. I embrace them. I anticipate them. There are too many struggles to name. But I appreciate them all today. I don’t want anyone to have the impression that things were easy for me just because I came from a middle-class white family. Or because my parents had advanced degrees and constantly reminded me that a degree was important to fall back on. I had to decide for myself that I was going to use education as a tool to get me and my son on a path to success. The largest struggle for me was overcoming shame. To feel shunned by my community of faith, to feel shunned from my school, to feel shunned from my circle of friends, or even at home, left me in a state of isolation. It’s hard to feel alone when you are facing something like pregnancy as a teenager. You haven’t yet realized your own dreams, yet you have this new life entering the world, and all of a sudden you are expected to have it all figured out. My adolescence became ugly, at best. It was one of my own doing. I went from golden child to black sheep in the hottest minute. Hotter than a hot pocket. As women, we have enough to deal with when it comes to self-esteem, confidence, ambition, let alone our own adequacy. My advice is to remain hopeful. I remember, sometimes too vividly, being in a state of despair, but alone. Being silent in my fear, in my hopelessness. Find someone to confide in. Open up. Be willing to face the hard truths, but don’t necessarily take someone else’s truth on as our own. Understand what perception is. Create your own identity. I realize now that I struggled the most with my identity. The becoming. If I could give just one piece of advice, to single mothers, to teenage mothers or to anyone who feels lost in their self, it would be to embrace you, and be all in. Life is all about phases and transformation. Allow yourself to experience the person you are at that very moment. I wish I could go back to my 15-year-old self and tell her that.
Surround yourself with women who uplift you. Who believe in you. Who tell you YES. Once I did that, with graduate school colleagues, colleagues at the university where I work, and in friendships, my ambitions soared, and I felt inspired to do the same for others. When I need to get back on track, I call on my inner child, the spirit of my younger self. The one who dreamed unconditionally, without fear or hesitation, and I channel her. What results, is a grounding of my self. A centering of my authentic self. And it more often than not results in positive outcomes toward the direction I intend to go in.
What should we know about your business? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
I sometimes feel like I live a double-life. In one life, I’m an aspiring professional in higher education who thrives in spaces of social justice and leadership. And in another, I am an aspiring writer, Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, who dreams of completing the bucket list item of writing my life memoir to inspire young girls to persevere. Perhaps the two lives will coincide at some point. In my day job, I’m known best for being actionable, and advocating for staff, who are far too often considered the low hanging fruit of university life, the servants of faculty and students. But beyond my day job, I’m just a thirty-something who blogs about life, dating and finding my self, outside of being a mother.
After my mother faced a cancer diagnosis, I experienced somewhat of an identity crisis. Who was I without her? Who am I in this world, when I no longer have my family? The “life is short” mentality quickly became a real thing, and I knew I needed to take the steps toward my burning aspiration of writing my book. So, I decided that blogging, of all things, would help me breathe life into my past, present, and future. It would help me make sense of who I am, where I came from, and who I aspire to be. Writing became my outlet. I was done crying. For a year straight I cried over the mere thought of losing my mom. My hero. My champion. And so, one day, the tears stopped. I found strength in her journey, and I got on with it. My blog, albeit personal and soul-bearing, is a place of motivation. It keeps me honest. It allows me to share my story. What makes me unique. It helps explain why I’m so opinionated and why I advocate for others. Why I value education. And for my readers, beyond the rare glimpse into my imperfect life and quest to find the perfect partner, I hope that they will feel some sense of solidarity in their own journey. Knowing that all of us experience hopelessness. But through connecting our stories, we may feel empowered to rewrite our ending.
My greatest service is being open to sharing my experience, which I hope resonates with others. So whether someone is interested in a career in higher education, or a teenager is looking for support to pursue an education or a woman is looking to reinvent herself, I am here to offer my insights and encourage them to persevere. I believe in the spirit of advocacy, solidarity, and personal development. I believe our very best asset is our own diversity. Serve that up at the table, and you will inspire others to do the same. I consider myself an ambassador of education, and cultural intelligence. I believe there is incredible value in our differences, and quite often that is overlooked. For those who want to know more about me, the blog is a place where I connect the dots. Where I begin to share what has created the Nicole of today. So for those who may want to understand my past, or cheer for my future, I welcome them to visit my story as it unfolds, reflects, and appreciates all that has transpired.
What do you feel are the biggest barriers today to female leadership, in your industry or generally?
Much to my dismay, there remain many barriers to female leadership, even in higher education. First and foremost, we can be our own biggest barrier. Have you ever questioned yourself? Have you ever compared yourself to another woman? Not as beautiful, not as wealthy, not as educated, not as graceful, not as kind? Yeah, me too. STOP doing that. Gravitate toward women who support you. Who model good behavior. Who lift you up in a room. Who see your hand raised, and after a man jumps in with his comment, looks to you and says, “Nicole, you had your hand up, I’d love to hear what you have to share.” Practice this. Practice not tearing each other down. Know that as a woman, we already face challenges such as sexism in the workplace. Some of us face racism, some of us face even more than that. I remember vividly applying for a job I was overqualified for while working at a university. I remember the hiring manager approaching me, acknowledging that I applied for the job, then asking me who cares for my son while I’m at work. She knew I had no family in the area and that I was a single parent. I remember feeling puzzled by her question. Then immediately feeling inadequate. Judged. Hopeless. She was a preacher’s wife. It was far too common. As women, in any role, especially leadership, we need to empower others to become. To evolve. To learn. To be imperfect. So, as a chair of a staff group, I remind myself to lift other women up. To recognize them. To let them know they are “at bat”. I feel a responsibility to do so. With friends and colleagues, I offer my advice for what it’s worth. Mistakes I’ve made. Lessons I’ve learned. I thank all the women who embraced me. Whether they knew my story or not. Especially those who knew my story, or who made me feel safe enough to share it. I remember them all. Feeling accepted. Feeling supported. My mentors. My sisters. My friends. They all became my family.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://barrelsofbourbon.blogspot.com/
- Phone: 949-403-9637
- Email: bourbsie@gmail.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bourbsie/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nikkibball
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/bourbsie
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