Today we’d like to introduce you to Deanna Danski.
Deanna, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Growing up, I was a perfectionist and success chaser. I thought being perfect meant I would be loved by all and become wildly successful and happy beyond belief. As I got older, I learned that my perfectionism brought me the exact opposite of everything I desired. By trying to please everyone, not only did I fail, I began to dislike myself. I didn’t know who I was or what I liked because I tried to be good at everything and make everyone else happy. And my own happiness was undermined by an intense feeling of emptiness and discontent.
I constantly felt the pressure to succeed one goal after another, though no one pushed me but myself. I punished and judged myself more harshly than my parents, teachers or bosses ever could. I was riddled with anxiety but never spoke up about it. I was afraid to ruin my image of “Little Miss Perfect.” I swallowed my feelings and learned to cope because I thought of getting help, love, or support meant I was weak.
At 25, I had a quarter-life crisis. I landed in the hospital with anxiety where I was given meds to numb the pain (and the joy) and was put in group therapy where the other members snickered at my problems because, out the outside, I had all the traditional markers of success.
Group therapy didn’t help, so I decided to go back to the comfort of academia and looked into graduate schools. While researching more traditional programs, I stumbled upon a Master’s Degree program in Spiritual Psychology offered by The University of Santa Monica (USM). Skeptical, apprehensive, but willing to try anything, I applied and was accepted.
A few weeks later, I took the advice of my refrigerator magnet – “Leap and the net will appear.” So I packed my bags and moved across the country from New Jersey to Los Angeles, California with no job, no place to stay, and about $1000 cash. While it was the scariest thing I had ever done, it was also one of the best decisions I have ever made.
USM changed my world. I finally felt heard, validated, honored and respected. Everything that upset me or disturbed my peace became a tool to better understand myself and to learn how to treat myself with the kind of love and compassion I had always wanted from others. I began to change and people not only saw a huge difference, but they could also feel it. My energy was contagious.
I began sharing my story, my skills and my insights with others who identified with my journey and their lives began to change as well. I found my gift was to make “spirituality” practical and applicable to people. I trained to become a coach and realized how many people out there, like me, need a safe space to be heard, feel loved, and explore who they are and what they desire. I’ve coached stay at home moms, business owners, doctors, lawyers, other coaches, and celebrities and one thing is true amongst them all – they want to stop sacrificing happiness for success. Once they do that, they begin to achieve levels of success that previously seemed unattainable AND they finally enjoy it!
I never claim to know more than my clients. I’m not a guru, I’m not a healer, and I’m not a therapist. I am simply someone who knows that a judgment-free space and a lot of love can go a long way.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc. – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
As a recovering perfectionist, I feel like I constantly come up against personal and professional challenges while pursuing my goals. I do my best to remember that goals are designed to not just be reached, but to become who I’m meant to be in the process.
Some of the challenges perfectionists, myself included, bump up against frequently are:
1) Getting started.
2) Being afraid to make mistakes/fail.
3) Feeling I’ll be judged.
4) Confusing confidence with self-worth.
5) Being Human.
There’s a joke that perfectionists would rather come in last place than in second place. Getting started can feel overwhelming because the logical mind wants to figure out the “BEST” way to do everything. In business and in life, there’s absolutely no way to predict perfect results, so this mindset is the thing that holds people back from following their heart and fulfilling their dreams.
Here are some of the ways I work with my clients on the aforementioned challenges:
1) Take a tiny action in the direction you want to go – like, in physics, an object in motion stays in motion. Overwhelm is replaced by clarity and momentum when we are in action. Remember, imperfect action is better than perfect inaction.
2) Don’t get it right, just get it done – there will always be mistakes and failures. It’s far better to put your work out there and then make corrections and adjustments than to never share your gifts with the world. When we shift our mindset and learn to embrace failures and mistakes as learning opportunities and course corrections, we begin to value progress over perfection.
3) Have compassion – others will absolutely judge you, but that’s rarely anyone’s deepest concern. Perfectionists are most afraid of the judgment and punishments they place on themselves. Practice compassion and self-forgiveness. As humans, we all have strengths and weaknesses; be sure to choose where you place your attention on the one you want to grow.
4) Do you value who you are or what you can do? I’ve always been a confident person, but struggled with receiving, speaking my truth, knowing my worth, etc. I didn’t understand that I was confident in my ability to DO things, but I never saw my worth outside of that. Many of my clients are incredibly powerful and accomplished and have derived their value on these external accomplishments. Part of this work is learning to love who you are, regardless of what you do for others. Perfectionism is founded on the belief that “I’m not enough,” or “I’m too much.” When you see yourself as perfect as you are, the way you treat yourself and teach others to treat you changes in the best possible ways.
5) After learning all of the skills and tools I teach,many people have this belief that they should “know better by now.” There’s a belief that they should somehow be exempt from the human experience and be able to bypass painful emotions, eliminate “bad” habits, and be immune to what others say and do. I remind my clients that the goal of this work is not to become perfect, rather, it’s to learn to embrace and enjoy their humanness!
Please tell us more about your work, what you are currently focused on and most proud of.
I am a mindset and lifestyle coach for High-Achievers and Recovering Perfectionists. I work with professional men and women to redefine success into something they can embrace and enjoy. Success and happiness, like health and wellness, are a lifestyle and need to be maintained, not achieved. I use tools and techniques to build the muscles of the mind to shift into a new, sustainable way of thinking and being. Just as a sports coach does for an athlete, I highlight opportunities for improvement by helping people what they cannot, provide objective feedback that is neutral and safe, and hold a vision for their success. One of my clients one called me a hybrid between a boot camp instructor and a personal cheerleader – I love that!
As a lover of education and former teacher, I value academia but have always been disappointed that we do not teach the most important things in life in school. My clients are all incredibly intelligent, ambitious, motivated, and high achieving. They are, by definition, “successful.” However, they never LEARNED how to be happy. (Though, truth be told, helping them find their happiness is actually more of an “unlearning” process.)
I specialize in being able to translate, so to speak, between the head and the heart. I help people to balance the dichotomies they’ve often made into either/or: logic vs. emotion, spirituality vs. reality, being vs. doing, giving vs. receiving, happiness vs. success.
I am most proud of the risks my clients are willing to take. They show up each week, totally open, and do the work to create the life they want. Nothing lights me up as much as seeing someone have an “ah-ha moment” that completely changes the trajectory of their life. I love getting calls and emails that people have quit their miserable jobs, paid off their overwhelming debts, found the love of their life, or even simply gave themselves permission to take a nap! I see the best version of my clients and my work is simply to love them enough for them to see what I see.
I also love that this work makes a difference in the world. My coaching business is service-focused. Not only do I serve my clients, but a portion of my income also goes to philanthropic work and charities. I encourage my clients to find ways to give back to their communities and create legacies that make the world a better place as well. This is usually how my clients find the greatest level of fulfillment.
Do you have a lesson or advice you’d like to share with young women just starting out?
GET SUPPORT.
I used to struggle a lot at the beginning of my career because I thought, “I can do this all myself!” And I was right! I could have. But I also looked at the cost of burnout, fatigue, frustration, and small scale growth.
One day, I went to a women’s business luncheon and the host talked about how men would do anything to invest in their business, including soliciting others to finance and support them. She explained how women rarely ever invested in themselves professionally or their business.
That’s when it hit me. It was time to get help. I hired my first coach, Steve Chandler, who took my “jobby” (job/hobby) as a coach into a professional, successful career. I found greater levels of achievement, success, and happiness in learning how to invest in myself. I hired another coach years later for 10k for one weekend of intensive training. I remember thinking to myself, “He better be worth 10k!” During one of my sessions with him, I stopped and realized one of the most profound moments of my life: I am worth 10k. My goals, dreams, and life are priceless, why wouldn’t I invest in them?
As I’ve grown, I’ve also learned that, just because I can do anything, doesn’t mean I should do everything! Stick to your zone of genius and learn to delegate and hire out. It’s scary to invest in a life coach, housekeeper, child care, virtual assistant, and staff (especially if you feel money is tight), but these are the ways to help you scale your business so you can continue to be the visionary CEO of your business and serve in more profound ways. My father once said to me, “If you wait until you’re ready, you’ll never start.” I owe every ounce of my success to always starting before I’m ready. My clients would say the same.
Every one of my clients has told me that contacting me for the first time was the hardest part. If you can do that today, you’ll already be on your way to greater happiness and success!
Pricing:
- Consultation: $247
- Monthly Coaching fees: $997
- Intensive Day: $2500
- Prices are subject to change
Contact Info:
- Website: www.DeannaDanski.com
- Phone: 424-272-1905
- Email: Deanna@DeannaDanski.com
- Instagram: @DeannaDanski
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DeannaDanski
- Twitter: @Deanna_Danski
- Other: www.BetterLivingCoaches.com
Image Credit:
Courtney Lindberg Photography
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