Today we’d like to introduce you to Rita Phetmixay.
Hi Rita, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I am a daughter of Lao + Isaan refugees. I grew up in a small rural town in North Carolina and moved to Los Angeles to pursue graduate studies. In short, I’m a small town southern gal with a big city girl heart! It’s hard to say where I truly started my journey, but I can always name my parent’s resilient refugee story as a place I began to carve my own legacy as a politicized healing practitioner in the Lao diaspora community. Growing up as the only daughter amongst three brothers with a strict militant father with PTSD and co-dependent mother in North CACK, I naturally inherited toxic forms of hyper-masculinity and co-dependent behaviors that took me up until my late 20s to thoroughly confront and heal.
Upon doing my own inner (shadow) work at the beginning of grad school at UCLA, I was able to meet incredible colleagues/professors who were some of the first people to help me heal from the complex trauma I experienced from childhood to young adult life. Witnessing my own healing journey has been the most humbling and transformative experience to say the least. In the midst of accessing my own light, I was able to grow a new sense of abundance to support others in my community access their own healing potential, which was the catalyst for creating Healing Out Lao’d— a platform for my Lao diaspora to feel heard + seen + validated throughout the world.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
NOPE! It has not been the smoothest road and in fact, I had to overcome my own imposter syndrome in order to do what I do now. Growing up in a strict/militant refugee family, I suffered from chronic verbal/emotional abuse that evolved into my own worst inner critic as an adult. This inner critic was responsible for telling me that whatever I was doing was not enough and that I had no room for error— simply because who was I to make mistakes after what atrocities my refugee parents went through during their escape to the U.S.? On top of this inner critic, I grew up in a predominately white/Christian/heteronormative-dominated community that also shaped my then distorted views on oppression. I had to recover from that too and it wasn’t the easiest task. Many waves of therapy + coaching + trauma-informed yoga later, I began to radically heal my inner critic and create a more transformative relationship with myself and others. Life finally began to seem a little more manageable, lighter, and fun!
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about Healing Out Lao’d?
More than a collection of Lao diaspora stories, Healing Out Lao’d is a community practice space and resource hub to support one’s holistic mental health and wellness needs! Rarely do media outlets shine light on the nuanced hxstory of the global Lao diaspora, and much less, the stories about healing and thriving in our communities. The opportunity to close this gap is what HOL essentially pursues. In no way does this space intend to replace or overlook the intergenerational traumas Lao folx have experienced overtime. Rather, it serves as a landing point for the Lao diaspora to acknowledge and nurture their truths, heal from past traumas, move forward with their lives. Stories curated in HOL episodes are intricate–raw–and authentic, just like the people it represents. As a survivor, activist, and storyteller, I began my journey to support fellow Lao community members through directing my first short documentary film titled Phetmixay Means Fighter, which highlights my own family’s refugee journey to the U.S. from Laos and Thailand. This brought awareness to a much neglected Lao narrative I yearned to see in mainstream media.
Since its completion in 2016, I have screened it at 10+ universities, national conferences and film festivals. I am proud of the reach its gotten, yet, wanted to document more stories and ones that were not just my own and through a means that was more accessible for generations similar to mine or younger. I initially wanted to get involved in higher educational social justice programming. However, the opportunities in front of me kept veering me towards wellness programming, 1×1 clinical therapy and eventually coaching. And although I enjoyed working with diverse communities with similar experiences as myself, I didn’t feel as complete. Moreso, the thought that I was neglecting my own Lao community by fulfilling my time in others did not sit well with me. I knew the needs such as intergenerational trauma from war violence and displacement were still so prevalent in my diaspora. After finally making this connection and having one conversation about bringing more healing spaces to the Lao diaspora with my big sis Kulap, born Healing Out Lao’d. Healing Out Lao’d is truly a family and community space for all of us in the Lao diaspora to grow beyond surviving and thrive. So many times have I heard from Lao folx, especially in the 1.5 and 2nd generation, speak about their loneliness and wishing they had someone like themselves when they were younger. This very observation sparked my curiosity and made me question: how did you get to where you are if you didn’t have an older you? Hence, the practice tips and tools I ask HOL guests to share.
Many of us who were the first to be born on soil outside of Laos did not get that privilege to learn from folx who “did it already” because there was no such thing! Our parents and caregivers grew up with us in a foreign place we both navigated for the first time. I trust we did the best we could, but what happens when that is not enough? I have sought out my own fairshare of psychotherapy, coaching, and trauma-informed yoga to counter this lack of not feeling enough and believe me, it took so much inner work for me to get to where I am today to sustain myself and this greater healing movement. For as long as HOL exists, I will do my best to capture the stories of the global Lao diaspora. From the ones that are heart-wrenching to ones that will just make you feel whole and laugh out lao’d!!! Our stories are so nuanced, diverse, and much more interconnected than we can ever imagine. In much gratitude, I dedicate this space to all our younger selves and send so much love to the generations that have come before us. I want to make this space truly about healing intergenerationally. One that is for us, by us.
What was your favorite childhood memory?
My favorite childhood memory was around the winter holidays when snow was always guaranteed every year in North Carolina. I remember our neighbors would let us borrow their sleighs so we could slide down the hill right outside our home. It was such a fun, carefree time to spend with my brothers. My mom would also make us snow cream (with a bunch of sugar) and that was always yummy to eat!
Contact Info:
- Email: [email protected]
- Website: https://healingoutlaod.org/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingoutlaod/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healingoutlaod/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/healingoutlaod/
- Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-out-laod/id1446243481?mt=2%2F
