Today we’d like to introduce you to Nikki Mark.
Nikki, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
Five years ago, my 12-year-old son Tommy went to sleep one night and unexpectedly never woke up. We still don’t know why.
A few days prior, I drove him from Los Angeles to San Diego for a soccer match his team had. Tommy loved soccer and always had a ball at his feet since the day he was given one as a toddler. During that almost three-hour drive, we had a spiritual conversation like none we had ever had before. I have never been a very religious or spiritual person, but to give you some sense of our discussion, he started it by asking, “Is it possible to go to sleep and not wake up?” That was only the beginning…
We talked about life, death, and everything in between, including how much I loved him. How proud I was of him. Why we believed we were in each other’s lives. At one point in the conversation, he asked me what I would do next for work. I had a 20+ year career developing and overseeing operations and special projects for LA-based start-up companies, but I had completed a consulting job three months earlier and was beginning to contemplate where I might work next.
“I want to do something meaningful,” I told him. Until I found my next job, I wanted to give back to the community and build a full-size soccer/multipurpose field with lights in our local Los Angeles public park – one that had a dirt field with holes sitting empty in the middle of it for Tommy’s entire life and at least two decades of mine. We often stared at this vacant plot of land and wished children could play on it.
“That’s so cool, Mom,” he said. “We don’t have anything like that in our neighborhood. Everyone’s going to want to play on it. I can’t wait!”
Three days later, he was gone. A close friend and fellow soccer mom said to me in my worst hour of shock and grief, “Let’s build that field. Let’s honor Tommy’s spirit of play and share it with others.” My husband and I agreed, and with the support of friends, family, and the diverse soccer community of LA set out to achieve this goal.
Living to build my oldest son’s legacy and to survive for my younger son so he could have the mother and life he deserved became my motivation to get out of bed every day. While shock and grief paralyzed me, I accessed my entrepreneurial skills and relied on the one skill I still had: the ability to figure it out.
My husband and I immediately established the TM23 Foundation after Tommy’s initials and jersey number. In less than five years, we have raised $2.6 million and gifted two Tommy’s Fields to the city and people of Los Angeles.
The first Tommy’s Field is at Westwood Recreation Center, exactly where Tommy and I discussed it would be during our drive to San Diego. It opened in the fall of 2021, and every day since, hundreds of children and adults of all kinds play multiple sports on it every day. This field is a huge success, so much so that we were asked to build a second one.
Our second Tommy’s Field is opening in late August 2023 at a very special school in Los Angeles that serves children and families of all circumstances and abilities: Vista Del Mar: Child and Family Services. Vista Del Mar serves as a school for some of our city’s most underserved children and provides foster, adoption, and mental health services across the City of Los Angeles and neighboring city school systems. This second Tommy’s Field will serve Vista Del Mar’s children during weekdays and the broader Los Angeles community after hours and on weekends – truly impacting and uniting children of all circumstances and abilities through play.
Los Angeles suffers from a dearth of public athletic fields for playing sports. The LA84 Foundation conducted countrywide surveys of youth sports participation in 2016 and 2018 and found that more young people in Los Angeles play soccer than any other sport. At the same time, a 2016 Los Angeles County assessment of needs in the county and municipal parks found that Los Angeles has only four (4) public soccer fields for every 100,000 residents. This compares to 16.7 fields per 100,000 residents nationally. Considering all the additional children and adults playing other field sports like lacrosse, flag football, and baseball, playing fields are like gold in this city, and we are desperate for more.
Every day my son’s life reminds me of the power of play. We heal through play. We unite through play. And according to Stuart Brown, the founder of the National Institute of Play, “Play is called recreation because it makes us new again; it re-creates us and our world.”
Now more than ever, especially post-pandemic, as depression, anxiety, and mental illness are rising alarmingly, children and adults need to play. Tommy’s Fields are one solution inspiring Angelenos to unite and support their neighborhoods in ways that matter to them.
The TM23 Foundation is now in discussions with the City of Los Angeles to build a third Tommy’s Field in downtown L.A. Given Tommy’s inspiring spirit, who knows how many we can build? I can’t wait to find out!
One by one, each Tommy’s Field lifts, unites, and brightens our world. I hope Tommy is as proud as we are of this legacy.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
In the big picture, the process of creating the TM23 Foundation, Tommy’s Fields, and the first fully sponsored youth tournament we hosted this past spring for nearly 250 children across the city has been magical.
Angelenos across the city have supported our efforts in more ways than I could have imagined. They have taught me the true meaning of COMMUNITY, and I am forever grateful for that.
But there are always stumbling blocks in any project, and when one presents itself, I am reminded of an important lesson I learned in a particularly vivid dream I had after Tommy left. “Obstacles are not meant to make us quit,” I was told in this dream, “they are meant to teach us how to persevere.”
My first obvious struggle was simply navigating grief. People often ask me if I’m so excited about each field opening. “Excited” isn’t exactly the right word. The human side of me would much rather have my son here than a field in his name. However, each field has helped me overcome my grief and given my life a lot of peace and meaning. Serving is very healing.
As for project challenges, we encountered two major ones.
The first pertained to the community process required to get Tommy’s Field at Westwood Recreation Center approved. After raising $1.2 million and completing field designs and a gift agreement with the City of Los Angeles, we encountered unexpected resistance from old-school community leaders in Westwood and some loud and angry park neighbors resistant to change. They wanted the dirt field to stay the way it was…empty. We and thousands of Angelenos across the city wanted to bring it to life again and improve it.
An overly contentious community process delayed the project nine months and exposed me to the inner workings and the divisiveness of local politics. Still, every day, in my worst hour of grief, I committed to putting one foot in front of the other and stayed focused on the goal. I was driven by love. I still am. And this is an extremely powerful and liberating way to live. Ultimately, after the field opened, some key members of the opposition thanked us for the gift and expressed remorse for having been against it. This fills me with so much peace.
Our second Tommy’s Field proceeded smoothly until one organization in Los Angeles grossly misled us by committing to being sponsors, donating a significant portion of funding, and then asking for their money back two days later without any valid explanation despite all the details being in writing. The experience taught me something extremely valuable: money is energy, and I want every dollar donated to TM23 to be filled with positive intentions. Once I learned this lesson, I returned their funds and discovered that the world works in mysterious ways. The very next day, another philanthropist called to say her foundation loved Tommy’s Field and would be donating an even larger amount to help get Tommy’s Field at Vista across the finish line. It all worked out perfectly.
At the end of the day, losing a child is a mother’s greatest struggle. Other challenges, including those I mentioned, are minor speedbumps that help teach important lessons.
We’ve been impressed with TM23 Foundation, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
After earning my MBA, I fell into a career developing operations and special projects for Los Angeles-based start-up companies. I have always loved helping visionaries bring their creative and often challenging ideas to fruition to improve our world.
When my son passed away, I realized there would be nothing more meaningful to me than to create my own start-up honoring my son and serving the community. This led to the development of the TM23 Foundation and each Tommy’s Field.
Our mission is to support initiatives that inspire children and young adults to play, pursue their dreams, be themselves, and have a powerful impact on their community.
While TM23’s first two initiatives have been new start-of-the-art playing fields for children and adults, we also activate them to benefit the entire city. We recently hosted our first fully sponsored youth soccer tournament, the TM23 Community Cup, on May 14, 2023, for nearly 250 children and approximately 700 overall attendees. It would have been Tommy’s 18th birthday and was a magical day of fun for all.
We fundraise per initiative, so every donor knows exactly how their contributions are utilized and can be assured that when they donate, their dollars go directly toward developing a particular field or event that brings so much joy to so many children.
I personally run the foundation and rely on volunteers, often my family, the TM23 Board Members, and Tommy’s friends, for help. This is a project of love, and 99% of all donations go directly to the specific project for which they are donated. My book chronicling the experiences that led to the creation of TM23, Tommy’s Field: Love, Loss, and the Goal of a Lifetime will be published in January 2024, and my net proceeds will benefit the TM23 Foundation to build and maintain athletic fields in Tommy’s name and brighten our world with his spirit of play.
We’d be interested to hear your thoughts on luck and what role, if any, you feel it’s played for you?
Despite losing my eldest son, I feel incredibly blessed to have had him in this world with us for as long as we did. And I also am grateful that his spirit continues to inspire and teach me something new every day. He is the foundation of LOVE behind the TM23 Foundation, which keeps my decision-making very simple and focused and never leads me astray. And he is the magic of TM23 and everything we do.
Contact Info:
- Website: Nikkimark.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithNikki
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TM23Foundation
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikki-mark-809508135/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/NikkiMarkAuthor
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@Tm23Foundation
