Today we’d like to introduce you to Marnie Goodfriend.
Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
Trigger warning: Sexual assault/violence
At age 22, I was attacked at knifepoint and raped inside my West Village apartment. As a recent college graduate working in the music industry, I was so full of hope, energy, creativity and life. In an instant, I saw that light leave me. My home became a crime scene; I lost my job, friends, family members, my security and identity. I spent months building a mixed-media installation so people could “see” rape and lept into the role of a public survivor. Programs and resources for trauma were limited, and it was admittedly easier to focus on others than my recovery.
I found purpose, a new identity, and community, but inside, I was a shell of myself. I became masterful at putting on a brave face and hid my PTSD, panic attacks, eating disorder and isolation from the world. I focused on busyness, working a full-time job and, as a member of three speaker’s bureaus, speaking at schools, hospitals and events, during my lunch breaks or “doctor’s appointments.” I became a trained emergency room advocate, lobbied for bills on Capitol Hill, but it was years before I looked inward to heal my trauma.
Almost a decade later, the perpetrator was caught through a cold case hit. The NYPD SVU, friends, and advocates were immensely supportive, but the trial re-traumatized me. Where were the therapists? Why was there no financial assistance for survivors? After years of sharing my story with high school and college students, law enforcement officers, hospital staff, politicians, and the media, I was anonymous. Reporters dramatized my testimony, and when the trial was over, they said I waited too long to make a public statement.
I left the events industry and transitioned to freelance writing to write what was true for me in my language, on my timeline. My instructors encouraged me to take a break and write a cozy cat mystery, but writing memoir and personal essays shed so much weight I was carrying inside my body. Leading personal essay workshops and coaching writers and non-writers felt so natural to me, I decided to merge my advocacy, activism, and writing under one umbrella. When a student told me writing through her traumatic experience in my class did what years of therapy never could, I knew I was exactly where I needed and wanted to be.
Today, I coach survivors, including MeToo activists, Weinstein victims, and the Silence Breakers, with their statements, articles, personal essays, and op-eds. I use narrative techniques to help non-writers heal and rediscover their true selves. I also offer services to those who work with survivors: lawyers whose clients need guidance with their victim impact statements and therapists who integrate creative writing into survivors’ healing process. I just launched a weekly workshop and movement, Sorry That Happened to You, am teaching a class on Writing and the Body, completed a book proposal on my experience as a sexual assault survivor who was barely surviving and a screenplay based on these events.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
I had to put my oxygen mask on before I could help others without losing myself in the process. Otherwise, working in trauma can be potentially harmful. I learned the importance of being a businesswoman first and an advocate second. At first, this felt counterintuitive, and I wasted time finding ways to work around the cost of doing business. I am confident in my services, value myself and want my business to thrive, so I had to become comfortable pricing what I once did for free (and nearly ran me into the ground). I needed time to heal my own wounds and carve out time to explore my own creative projects. It’s what I want for anyone who works with me. I also made friends with the word “no.” Just because I am qualified or skilled to speak or write on a particular topic doesn’t mean I should.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I am a sexual assault advocate and writer who helps others reauthor their experience through the written word. Through coaching and workshops, I offer survivors a gentle and creative way to move beyond trauma guided by someone who has been there herself. I am also a consultant, speaker and moderator for lawyers, therapists, companies, retreats and conferences. You can book a session or inquire about my other services on my website.
Every time I help another woman reclaim a piece of their identity, alleviate some of their hurt, shame, fear, anxiety, and for some, mitigate the societal pressure of being a survivor is tremendously meaningful to me.
I’m most proud of my own healing and vocalizing the need to pause the clock on the time it takes a rape survivor to heal through my speaking and published articles and essays. But my greatest writing accomplishment will always be my victim impact statement the judge cited when delivering the maximum sentence in my trial. If I pried open the courtroom doors just a crack so more cases can be prosecuted, that is progress, but we still have a long way to go. I’m grateful for my spirit, having a sense of humor, and spiritual wellness and growth. And love, joy, and reclaiming my sense of wonder. At least, that’s what I strive for.
What does success mean to you?
Showing up every morning for a job I love and being of service to women in ways that weren’t available to me when I needed them. Crafting a business out of love and the desire to move the needle toward prioritizing recovery for sexual assault survivors. Knowing my work and services are valuable and respecting myself and the space I work in by charging for my time and experience. Having a healthy work/life balance, boundaries but also being open to expansion in areas I never considered.
Although my life experiences help me connect with my clients, success is knowing I don’t have to be all things to all people and honoring my privacy. An invaluable lesson I learned from writing creative nonfiction is I don’t need to share every story I write with the world. Some writing is just for me. I teach this to my clients as well. We write to unwind the story from our insides, acknowledge our truth and then let it go. Sometimes we save it, share it with others or drop the pages into the ocean. Any one of these actions creates room for healing, growth, and the pursuit of a joyful life.
Contact Info:
- Email: [email protected]
- Website: http://www.writetohealing.com
- Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/marniegoodfriend
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/marnie.goodfriend
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/mgoodfriend44
Image Credits:
Main Photo, 4519,4333 – Jess Rochow #4 – Shannon Cottrell #5 – Mine #6 – Heidi Edsall #7 – Mine (L-R Executive Director @ Violence Intervention Center Dr. Astrid Heger, Actress/Activist Rosanna Arquette, Activist and World Without Exploitation Founder Monica Amirez, Writer/Sexual Assault Advocate/Write to Healing founder) Marnie Goodfriend and yoga instructor Toni DiVincenzo. #8 – Casey Curry
