Today we’d like to introduce you to Hannah Mittermeier.
Hi Hannah, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
I’m from Pennsylvania, originally — but genuinely, for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to move to Los Angeles. I remember being five- or six years old, somewhere around there, back when Hollywood Video was a thing. Did you have that here..? It was a VHS rental store. The title might’ve been a little redundant if there were any out here! But I loved it. My family and I would go pretty often (my go-to’s were Scooby-Doo movies and Goosebumps) and I remember there was this one aisle… It was made to look like you were walking down a red carpet, with paparazzi and their flashing cameras painted on the walls. I’d always strut down that section, totally in my own world and grew up with such a romanticized view of Hollywood. I took a little detour when I went to college in Boston (all my friends were like… “You know that’s in the OPPOSITE direction of LA, right?!”) Yeah, I knew, haha — but so much of my life had changed even before that point, which ultimately impacted that decision.
I grew up with an older brother named Christian. He was, in a lot of ways, my very first role model. Everything he did was just automatically cool… He played the piano, so I started taking lessons, too. He was a part of our school’s Cross Country team so naturally, once I started middle school, I also had to join. Don’t get me wrong, I was still very much my own person — Chris wasn’t as big of a Hollywood fanatic as I was — but in short, I truly looked up to him (…at least, for the most part.) In some ways, we were quite different, and sometimes those differences caused rifts. I know siblings who think of each other as their best friends. Chris and I weren’t really that. Plus, in my head, he’d have been too cool for that, anyway. It was as if having a best-friendship was something I only aspired to. To be fair, he was six years older than me and once I felt like I’d finally catch up to him, he’d be at the next stage of his life. There were complexities to our relationship.
Christian passed away in 2015. I was sixteen at the time, and he was twenty-one. He was just shy of turning twenty-two… SO shy that he was actually recovered on his twenty-second birthday. From one day to the next, I became an only child — and there’s so much there to unpack. All the different ways that my grief manifested… The anger and all the displaced love. The survivor’s guilt, although I hadn’t been near his accident. Simply the fact that I might eventually outlive him felt… Pretty awful and unfair.
I’ve always loved storytelling, and I get absurdly existential when it comes to my art. I knew I wanted to make something in honor of Christian… Something that would help me get my feelings out because I didn’t always know how to otherwise articulate them at the time. There were a lot of things I wanted to tell people but didn’t… I’d be told time and time again that I was “handling everything so well” or that I carried myself with “such dignity.” Which, like, is nice, I guess… But it wasn’t particularly encouraging if I wanted to have an “off day.” (In all seriousness though, nearly EVERY day had felt off.) If I wanted to not only feel my anger but show it. If I wanted to share openly about my heightened anxiety, my chronic stomach pain, and my new daily preoccupations with mortality and death.
Art was my outlet. Around Christian’s first “angel-versary,” I had just finished writing a song as a tribute to him called “Boy Trouble.” I had such a lovely friend from high school — she ended up studying audio stuff n’ things in college — and she not only took an interest in the song but wanted to help me rework it so that it might sound the best that it could, despite our limited equipment at the time. We took a little break from it one afternoon, and — probably because she could tell I needed something to laugh at — she introduced me to Bo Burnham. I had no idea who he was at the time, but she put on one of his specials, and… Well, I didn’t immediately love his stuff (I wasn’t show how my parents would feel about his, um… Crude language, haha, and they were in the other room, so I lowered the volume to the point of it essentially being totally muted.) I’d nod and laugh along periodically, pretending like I had ANY clue as to what he was saying, but I later went back and rewatched his show, and I understood why she showed it to me. She got the sense that this was what I might have been trying to accomplish with my song… Inspiring joy while not shying away from the fact that life can just get really heavy and dark sometimes. I found Bo’s work to be honest — and for the first time, it really dawned on me that comedy could become a useful platform for me to share what I was going through. Because whether anybody understood it or not, they could at least maybe get a little chuckle out of it… And it’s empowering to know that I would be giving them that permission to do so. It’s not disrespectful to my brother (in fact, knowing him, he’d probably be laughing right alongside everybody else.) And maybe it could be some sort of unconventional “art therapy” for me. If I felt myself feeling worse, I’d feel all the more reason to make others laugh.
Kind of serendipitous, but I ended up watching a ton of Bo Burnham’s stuff with my parents… Not only did they enjoy it, but they told me that Christian was a big fan of his, too.
I never knew anybody could “major” in “comedy,” but my mom did some research and found out that yes, you actually can. I powered through however much was left of my high school career and was accepted into Emerson College, where I gained my degree in Comedic Arts. I took everything from improv to “Why Did the Chicken?” (It’s a joke writing class, haha.)
Getting older had its ups and downs. I traveled a lot when I was in college, weirdly… I got to see other parts of the country and other parts of the world. I met and befriended people from all over the place. I graduated during the pandemic, which presented all of its own problems, but still did it. AND I eventually made the move out to Los Angeles, like I always said I would! I worked odd jobs until luckily finding an opportunity within my field. I try to be involved in my community. People tell me that Christian would be so proud, but it’s incredibly strange that I can’t REALLY know that… Ya know? I will never really be able to share any of this with him.
Despite everything I had (and have) to be grateful for, my mental health still took a toll. If I’m being honest (or if I’m oversharing… Sorry, I can’t always tell the difference between the two), I’m still figuring out how to cope sometimes — and I’m taking a shamefully long time to find a new therapist, haha. But I’m learning to just take pride in the fact that I’m choosing to keep going and I get through each day. Some days I genuinely feel like I’ve made the most of, whereas others, I feel like I’ve just… Existed, not really doing much of anything. Maybe ruminating, even sometimes letting myself spiral. But as long as I’m doing that (existing, I mean) then it’s okay. It’s enough!
Another thing about getting older, though: I’m older than Christian now. I’m twenty-four. I knew my twenty-second birthday would feel weird, and it absolutely did… But it doesn’t necessarily stop feeling that way, I’ve realized. I may not be twenty-two anymore, but I still am navigating an unresolved grief disorder.
I advocate for the increase in both the quantity AND the quality of art and media that respectfully depicts mental health struggles — so I thought I’d put my beliefs into action and join the conversation. Shortly after moving to Los Angeles, I connected with the founder of ONYX Films: an intersectional, female-driven, LGBTQ+-friendly production company. I pitched an idea to them, and they accepted it onto their slate! The project: “Happy Sadurday.” AKA, the way I felt about turning twenty-two and how I learned to reconcile it.
This short film chronicles the distorted thought process, as well as the very moments leading up to a woman’s twenty-second birthday — as this typically joyous, celebratory occasion is weighed down by her grief. It’s… Pretty much just my own experience, haha. While some aspects of the story are fictionalized, it’s an honest portrayal of what my frame of mind was like at the time. This is my directorial debut, too, which is so wild to me! I’m incredibly grateful to be working with a team of talented and compassionate filmmakers as I bring this project to life.
(Bleh — what an interesting wording, when you think about it… “Bring it to life…”? When it’s about… Essentially the very opposite of that? I mean, I guess. Maybe more appropriately, I’m temporarily bringing my brother back to life.)
The emotions are twofold. It’s bittersweet because I’m getting to do something I’ve always worked toward… I’m in Los Angeles, filming an original project. The subject matter, though, is something I never would have fathomed. But I’ll have amazing people by my side the whole way — including my parents, who are coming all the way out here to play themselves..! And ultimately, I get to immortalize my brother, which I think maybe could be the best belated birthday gift I could give to him.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Getting to where I am now… And becoming WHO I am now hasn’t been a smooth road. There have been highs and lows. It feels a bit odd to celebrate yourself and recognize any of your successes, big or small, when there’s somebody you love who no longer has the opportunities you do. It almost doesn’t feel appropriate. Reconciling this within myself has been an obstacle, for sure.
There are periods of time where I’m like, “Huh, would you look at that… Things are going good, and I FEEL good.” Part of me feels a little skeptical during those moments, haha, but another part of me wants to hold on to them and savor them for as long as I can. And then there are periods of time where I’m constantly in my head — I feel stuck. I panic. I relive past trauma. I developed disordered eating while in college, and that’s something I’m currently working through.
But I have a wonderful support system — my family, my friends, my partner — and when I’m able to center myself, sort of regroup, and focus on that… I feel safe.
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
By day, I’m an executive assistant at a Beverly Hills-based talent agency. But by night (or more accurately, whenever I can sneak in some time, haha) I’m pursuing a career in screenwriting. In December of 2020, I graduated from Emerson College with my BFA in Comedic Arts. I would still very much love to continue doing standup, but I have such a love of writing and hope to one day further my education by applying to UCLA’s Screenwriting MFA Program. My writing go-to’s: YA horror comedies and dramedies, often animated, aiming to inspire humor and hope despite all the discomfort that life has to offer. I often use my work as a safe space to explore themes of trauma and mental health struggles.
In the meantime, however, I’ve enjoyed some freelance opportunities — I have some published work, as I’ve written a few entertainment pieces for Collider. I’ve also written lighthearted, comedic skits for Smile Media. My videos have amassed over seven million views, spanning numerous social media platforms such as Instagram and YouTube. What I’m most proud of, however, is what I’m working on right now: my short film, “Happy Sadurday.”
I’ve written and revised it all throughout 2022 and now will be directing it in mid-May! I believe what sets this project apart is how many people it’s brought together — that’s the most important thing to me. The beautiful people in my life and the ability to prioritize healthy, fulfilling relationships… And for numerous worlds to collide as I’m creating “Happy Sadurday.” My parents are flying out from the Lehigh Valley to help (and to make their acting debut, yay..!), and another cast member is coming from Florida… Someone I haven’t been in touch with for quite some time but have had the joy of reconnecting with as we work on this project together! The new friends that I’ve made out here in Los Angeles, and my good old friends from home that have been so kind to help in any way they can from afar… And hearing from Christian’s friends, and the joy they seem to feel knowing that this project is for, and about, and inspired by him..!
What’s most mind-blowing to me is that, aside from my parents, no other member of our cast and crew has had the opportunity to meet my brother. Everything they really know about him… It’s all stories they’ve heard from me and my family. And yet, they care so much to do this story justice. Granted, this is just one story of MANY about my brother and I, but I couldn’t ask for better team to be working alongside. The support, and the enthusiasm, and the reverence for this project is amazing.
What’s next?
I’m considering grad school! I’ve been on the fence, but I think it might help round out my skills even further. In addition to that, I think I’d really enjoy taking some extracurricular classes — something comedy-based (surprise, surprise!) Whether it be a sketch writing group or something more performance-based… I’d love to get back into that again. I’m thinking I’ll begin looking into that once my short film has wrapped.
What else have I got planned? It’s interesting because I don’t always love planning things… I’ve learned from experience that things could very easily fall apart at literally ANY second and maybe to save myself some disappointment, I avoid holding my breath for anything. Plans are so fragile. But I’m really happy to share that I’ve gotten to a place where I feel a bit more comfortable planning — or at least anticipating certain things. Hoping for them. Putting in as much effort as I can to make them happen. Starting to replace that dread I’ve grown to feel with excitement.
Some of these might sound sillier than others, haha, but throughout the rest of this year, I’m hoping to: 1) Move into a new apartment! Our current one is fine, but… The ceiling looks like it could cave in (just a little bit..!) And we’d like to live in a place that allows pets. Which leads into my next dream… 2) Getting a cat! I’m obsessed with them, haha. Truly, my mental health is always better if I’m around a furry little friend. 3) I’d like to go to my first Dodgers game. 4) I’d like to get my first tattoo this year! It’s an idea I’ve had for a while… Something inspired by my brother that I think I’ll get once we wrap our film as a little, “Yay, you did it, Hannah!”
You know the show Jimmy Neutron..? How during the theme song, they show all these little atoms and molecules… It might sound a little goofy, but I’d like to get one of those tattooed. They’ll have those rings like they tend to… And the middle one will be bolded so it looks less like a ring and more like the letter “C.” Because 1) Christian was super fascinated by space and read some of Stephen Hawking’s books and 2) that’s kind of what I think of him, now. A bunch of molecules floating around, in space and taking up space. That idea comforts me, and it’d be nice to have a more permanent reminder of it.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happysadshortfilm
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3jnlS6ygFM
- Other: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm12449221/
Image Credits
Scotti Everhart (poster designer)
