We recently had the chance to connect with Mary Kay Cocharo and have shared our conversation below.
Mary Kay, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. What do you think is misunderstood about your business?
Many people assume that couples therapy is only for relationships in crisis — that you seek it out when something is broken or on the verge of ending. In reality, the best couples therapy is not just about solving immediate problems; it’s about deep healing and growth. Through the power of intimate connection, partners can uncover and tend to early wounds that shape how they love and relate. Therapy offers a safe space to recognize recurring patterns, understand the fears or disappointments that fuel them, and begin to transform those dynamics together. Some of the most meaningful work happens with couples who already have a strong foundation but want to go deeper — to strengthen their love, expand their understanding, and cultivate a bond that continues to evolve over time.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Mary Kay Cocharo, and I’m a Couples Therapist. I have been assisting couples at all stages of their relationships for the past 35 years. I believe I stand out from my colleagues through my unique approach to therapy. I help couples through the lenses of Imago Relationship Therapy and Encounter-centered Couples Transformation, both proven methods for improving communication and intimacy in relationships.
My brand offers intensive all-day or two-day sessions, workshops, and weekend retreats for couples—a service not provided by many of my colleagues. This allows couples to fully immerse themselves in the therapeutic process without the distractions of daily life in a relaxing setting.
I also offer premarital counseling packages that help couples prepare for marriage. This proactive approach is designed to prevent issues from arising in the future and has been shown to reduce divorce by 30%.
In addition to providing therapy services, I also mentor young therapists, students, and interns. My dedication to fostering the next generation of therapists showcases my commitment not only to my clients but also to the broader field of relationship therapy.
Finally, unlike many online platforms or self-guided programs that may lack a personal touch or tailored approach, I provide individualized attention to each client’s specific needs and concerns. This personalized attention ensures that each couple gets the targeted help they need for their unique situation.
My latest project is a Card Deck for Couples: Connect-Communicate-Create, Cards to deepen your bond and transform your relationship. It includes three suits for improving affectionate and sensual touch, communication skills, and shared activities. It is available for sale on Amazon. Their is a mobile version available on Deckible.com.
Great, so let’s dive into your journey a bit more. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
What breaks the bond between people is disconnection. These are the moments when communication shuts down, assumptions take over, and reactivity starts running the show. When we stop really listening and begin believing that our partner thinks and feels exactly as we do, misunderstanding grows and empathy fades.
What restores connection is almost always the opposite: slowing down and communicating with honesty, curiosity, and calm. Healing happens through authentic sharing and deep, validating, empathetic listening — the kind that says, “I see you. I get it. You matter.” Bonds grow stronger when couples stay committed to this process, even when it’s uncomfortable, because that’s where true intimacy lives.
Is there something you miss that no one else knows about?
I miss the support of a long-time friend and mentor who passed away about 18 months ago. He was a brilliant therapist, a wise sounding board, and a truly lovely human being. There are still moments — after a particularly challenging session or a long day — when I instinctively reach for the phone, only to remember he won’t be there to pick up. His presence brought both grounding and inspiration. Everyone needs that kind of support in their life and career, and it hurts to have lost mine.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What’s a belief you used to hold tightly but now think was naive or wrong?
Early in my career, I was taught that maintaining strict neutrality in couples therapy was essential — that my role was to stay completely balanced between partners at all times. I no longer believe that. With experience, wisdom, and time, I’ve come to see that neutrality can sometimes be ineffective or even harmful.
After 35 years of working with couples, I’ve learned that true healing often requires taking a stand. There are moments when it’s important to name destructive patterns and gently hold someone accountable for behaviors that harm the relationship. Likewise, it’s essential to support and amplify the partner who’s asking for a deeper emotional connection. My role now is to actively confront unhealthy dynamics, encourage vulnerability, and help couples create a bond that is both honest and deeply connected.
Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. If you knew you had 10 years left, what would you stop doing immediately?
This question feels especially relevant, as I received a cancer diagnosis earlier this year. Thankfully, I’ve had good treatment and I’m doing well now — but in those first uncertain days, I asked myself exactly this.
I decided to stop stressing over things that ultimately don’t matter. Stop working through every waking minute. Stop eating sugary, processed foods. Stop worrying about what other people think. Stop chasing people who don’t have the capacity to truly connect. Stop trying to steer my adult children toward the choices I think they should make. And stop spending time with people who drain joy instead of sharing it.
Life feels far too precious for anything less than authentic connection, good health, and peace of mind.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.mkcocharo.com. AND. www.connect-communicate-create.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marykaycocharo/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-kay-cocharo-7952144/
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/MaryKayMFT
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/mary-kay-cocharo-lmft-los-angeles?osq=Mary+Kay+Cocharo%2C+LMFT
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/mkcocharo/about
