Meet Einar Baldvin

Today we’d like to introduce you to Einar Baldvin.

Einar, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
I was blessed to move to this city of angels during the time which it was lorded over by the musclebound megastar Arnold Schwarzenegger. It gave me great comfort, as I left the icy shores of my homeland, to live in The Roman Empire of our age, to know that a man whose exploits had inspired me as a child, had been anointed as the liege of The Golden State.

I was pleased to learn that my allegiance to the muscle-god was shared by many of my fellow subjects at The California Institute of the Arts, and I soon was introduced to the American tradition of pumping iron by two of my musclebound Korean schoolmates.

Sinking To The Bottom of the Ocean
In four years, my studies were over, and I left the Golden State to return to what was now the ruins of my native Iceland. Robber bankers and their political stooges had all but sank it to the bottom of the ocean. I roamed this wasteland, and all but forgot about the arts. I became a bouncer and an amateur pugilist, only finding renewed purpose in a haze of violence.

I absconded to another land, the perpetually sinking Kingdom of The Netherlands, where I was fortunate enough to be granted a modest artist’s stipend by the Unbreakable European Union itself. After those three happy months of artistic exploration, and fractured ribs in the ring. I was ready to return to the United States, this time to conquer it.

Glorious Return:
I enrolled in a school shaped by the hand of the mighty George Lucas himself, The USC School of Cinematic Arts, and as fate would have it, the Austrian Oak himself graced the premies with a visit, the first week of school, charming all he gazed upon. I was back!

Upon learning that a dear classmate of mine was deathly afraid of clowns, I naturally spent the semester creating a film worthy of that fear, a film consisting entirely of them. I named it ‘Baboon,’ and my efforts were not in vain, as soon after its completion I was invited to France to share this horror at Annecy, the mother of all animation events.

Over there, my fortune turned even better for a former professor, the one-eyed Paul Vester (blessed by Óðinn) introduced me to a girl of great beauty and a sound mind. A beauty who would later accept my hand in marriage, despite her initial reservations, upon seeing my erotic comedy of manners ‘Catatonic’ which was also, screening at the festival.

Spreading The Plague:
Returning home within the company of a proto-wife. I embarked on a new nightmare.

The creation of a hand-drawn boxing film, framed around the mad ravings of one Pastor John Deitman, worked on that film, The Pride of Strathmoor for the rest of my stay at USC, returning to Iceland in the midst of it, to stage my wedding. After the film was done, it spread like the plague, premiering high up in the mountains at Telluride before tainting all four corners of the known world.

I was out of school now, with three horrifying films to my name, and a wife. Things were good, but money was vanishing. I started to call ad agencies. Surely they must have something horrid to push. But no! They had no use for a man of my talents. Despair! But then the phone rang. An energized woman, desperate to have me draw a commercial, as scary as I could make it! And she was willing to shower me with gold for it.

I knew I was truly in Rome now! Six weeks of little sleep and maximum physical pain went by, and under the steady hand of my industrialist benefactors, we unleashed our monstrous “Out The Monster” campaign onto the world where it drew public speculation whether Satan himself had ascended from the abyss to lend his hand to the piece.

Global Dominance:
Around this time, I co-founded Global Animation Syndicate (GLAS) with my co-conspirator and wife, Jeanette Bonds. The aim of the Global Animation Syndicate is to advance animation globally, into a supreme force. Working towards this goal, we established the GLAS Animation Festival in Berkeley, which has grown, in just four years, to be the premier animation festival in the entire United States.

The End of Order:
Not content to lead the tortured life of an independent filmmaker, and co-conspirator, I teamed up with Starburns Industries (famed madmen behind Rick and Morty and Anomalisa), to write and illustrate a dark fantasy novel about the end of order.

We unleashed the ´The Crawling King´ onto Kickstarter where it drew in tortured souls by the thousands, enabling us to print a vast supply of these cursed books, and subsequently have them slither onto bookshelves globally as well as the all-enveloping amazon.com.

The Ape-Human Hybrid:
The latest project delves into a hideous whisper of a civilization of ape-human hybrids rumored to have existed in the Congo as late as the 18th century. The less said, the better.

Has it been a smooth road?
Everything has gone according to plan.

We’d love to hear more about what you do.
Personally, I am fully dedicated to spreading discontent, sometimes for pay, sometimes for the pleasure alone.

The aim of the Global Animation Syndicate is to advance the art and science of animation to the point of absolute global dominance. You can succumb at glasanimation.com.

How do you think the industry will change over the next decade?
As artificial intelligence rises, the industry will recognize the futility of human efforts, fully embracing dark content, before finally collapsing.

Contact Info:

• Website: einarbaldvin.com
• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: einarbaal

Image Credit:
Calvin Friedlander

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