Today we’d like to introduce you to Ziri Rideaux.
So, before we jump into specific questions about the business, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
I don’t quite know how I became the actual owner of a funeral home. This line of work is probably no one’s wildest dream when they grow up. Some of my friends still look at me with pity and others think I’m “squandering my education”. But the truth is that dealing with the dying, their families and death itself is an amazing and enriching experience. It makes me feel like a pioneer on life’s cutting edge, researching the final frontier of consciousness. It also feels like I’m contributing love, support and meaning to people and families in their most vulnerable hours. I’m stretching and growing my heart. Maybe everyone should volunteer with the dying for a few months. It’s one of the most fulfilling works I’ve ever done. I love it.
My shaman grandma and great-grandma designated me at the tender age of four to be a “messenger between the worlds”, that means to go in and out of both worlds (the material and non-material) and weave them together. They claimed that thousands of years ago, we lost the ability to perceive our ancestors and spirits and speak with them – and in return, the spirits have been less and less involved in our lives. Our worlds drifted apart. They said that mine will be the generation that rediscovers the value of spiritual guidance because the material world’s guidance was failing us.
They made me sit bed side with dying people starting from a very early age. I learned to sense their spirit exit and enter their bodies during their prolonged phases of sleep closer to death. I experienced the “download” of images, feelings and stories into my being from the dying person. I understood deep inside my body that none of our stories and experiences are ever lost. We share them non-verbally while we’re not even aware of it.
Sometimes I wish I could get more involved earlier in people’s journeys, before they enter the active dying process. But as is still custom in the U.S., most families only call on me when there is “a body”. And then death is reduced to all the technical talk about “removal”, “cremation” or “burial plot” and “death certificates”. I want to know how they lived their lives. How they passed and how their family and friends are feeling. But since the invention of “funeral homes”, asking these natural questions has not been the role of the “men in black”, or “body-snatchers” as we jokingly call them.
Strangely overdressed and awkward, they arrive silently, take the body and often that’s the last time a family sees their beloved. There are wild guessed as to what happens behind funeral home walls before the family is handed back the ashes. The families worry about it as they often drive far to see an artificially made-up, embalmed corpse at a mortuary viewing. Sometimes, the body is even placed behind glass or a rope – Do Not Touch! When all we need to feel our grief fully is to touch and be close.
Death doesn’t have to be such a traumatic experience. I’m one of the many death midwives and funeral directors who encourages people to “re-spect” death – that means, to look again (from the Latin world “Respectare”), to find something of value here. Death is not “a mistake” of nature. It helps us sort out our priorities in life. It gives us perspective. It helps us open our hearts when we wrongfully believe we are in total control of our life. It opens a vacuum in our hearts that draws people closer and reunites families and friends to grieve together.
My idea for FRIENDS was to get involved in the dying process as early as possible, allowing a bond to be created between us, the dying and their family. I found it very helpful to spend time with the dying, to ask them about their dreams (which can often offer important information about how far along the dying person is on their journey.)
I do my best to help families embrace the natural rhythm of the dying process so they can accept if the dying no longer wants to eat or drink. Having all the information, they might decide against a feeding tube that interrupts the natural shutting down of the body. They might not want to call 911 to have their 90-year old grandma resuscitated who peacefully passed at home. They might not feel guilty that they couldn’t get more food into the dying person’s mouth today.
I work closely with hospice who are helping with practical matters (like medication). The work of death midwives circle around acceptance, conscious dying and involving the family to create a “togetherness experience” instead of the feeling of separation.
After the death occurs, most families are at a loss about how to react to the profound experience. Depending on the family’s belief, I often initiate a conscious embrace of the sacred moment – that can occur by us holding hands around the body and praying, singing, speaking or crying together. Many old traditions ask to open the windows wide to “let the soul fly out”. It lets new energy in the tense and often confined space and feels like a welcome relief.
When a person transitioned at home and the family’s first wave of grief has subsided, we light candles, maybe burn incense and then start to wash and dress the body together. My presence helps many families who feel shy about touching a dead body and also fear to violate its privacy to realize what we are doing is respectful and gentle.
In the best-case scenario, you are still around to discuss your wishes with us at FRIENDS Funeral Home. If life hits with one of its many surprises, your family and friends might have to do their best in figuring out what would have made you happy.
For thousands of years, the rich and powerful have been buried with weapons or treasures, and with great fanfare. Today, increasing numbers of Americans are planning their own funerals, personalizing and customizing them. They want to go out in style, in ways that are sometimes elaborate, sometimes non-traditional — and sometimes — even fun!
There was the widow who drove the hearse at her husband’s burial, because in life he had always insisted that she drive. The family of a teenager who died recreated the boy’s bedroom in a rented viewing room, complete with black lights, and replaced “Rock of Ages” with rock by the loud band Nine Inch Nails.
Experts say the growing individuality in death rituals comes in part from the influence of baby-boomers, who desire to bring personal expression to everything they do in life and death. They don’t want “cookie-cutter” funerals.
You might want to have a Themed Viewing Room decorated as “Big Momma’s Kitchen” or a living room set with antique furniture. You might want to lay out the deceased in the bed of a king or inside a mysterious jungle setting. Family members can add their own pictures and decoration as well as personal items of the deceased. Imagine your wish come true and create the perfect fantasy setting for people’s last visit.
If a traditional hearse seems morbid and outdated, we can organize a Biker Funeral, with you in the sidecar for your ultimate farewell ride.
We can offer funeral rites in beautiful natural settings, resembling the garden of Eden. For a grand finale, butterflies, doves or balloons are released.
We can organize for your eco-friendly burial at an ocean reef. Within months, the reef becomes the living habitat of ocean coral and sponges. There even exists an underwater city, resembling the lost continent of Atlantis, where ashes of a loved one are used in the marble columns, starfish, lions, and other sea related artifacts. You will receive a video of the underwater cemetery featuring incredible architecture, and beautiful natural sea creatures.
From exotic dancers to tractor processions, today’s funerals are anything but morbid and boring affairs. In the end, it’s all about how a person lived their life, not how they died.
Additional to alternative funerals, we are also offering simple cremations, burials, church funerals und every traditional funeral for any kind of belief and lifestyle. We pride ourselves in being one of the most affordable funeral homes – the reason being that we are family-owned and not a huge corporation out for “shareholder’s value”. We offer very personalized service, our clients get our cell phone numbers and can reach us 24/7, 7 days a week.
Ziri Rideaux grew up in Germany in her family tradition of Shamanism which includes communication with the ancestors who are highly honored and frequently consulted for guidance. In her early twenties, Ziri volunteered in various hospices and accompanied about 200 dying people through their transitions. Ziri also worked for five years as a war correspondent, witnessing many violent deaths. After losing both parents and a number of close friends to cancer, Ziri became acutely aware of the lack of support for the dying and their loved ones in our current society. She conceived FRIENDS Funeral Home in order to help people embrace the dying process in natural ways, without fear and awkwardness.
Unlike traditional funeral services, which generally offer a more narrow approach to funerals, Ziri believes the dying and their loved ones deserve more freedom to personalize the dying experience as well as the funeral arrangements. Ziri’s hope is to make death a profoundly meaningful experience for all involved that brings people closer together and reaffirms the beauty and value of life AND death.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
It’s a struggle to work on spiritual and emotional issues in a society that only values material gain. It’s sometimes a struggle to balance your emotional life with all the sadness and heartbreak I experience in my work. But every nurse has probably the same experience. It’s a struggle to introduce a new concept of death and dying in a culture that is so extremely death-phobic.
What were you like growing up?
I was the oldest kid of an immigrant family to Germany, where I grew up. I was pretty wild and unruly, but I was also an ambitious overachiever as most immigrant’s kids are, since their parents are pushing them so hard. I’ve always been very interested in spiritual things even then, also in a wide variety of competitive sports.
Pricing:
- Direct Cremations $798.
- Home Funeral and Cremation $1989.
- Viewing, Funeral Service and Cremation $2298.
- Burial (including plot, casket, service+viewing) starting at $8300.
Contact Info:
- Address: 29 1/2 26th Ave., Venice, CA 90291
- Website: www.friendsaf.com
- Phone: 888-939 5959
- Email: ziri@friendsaf.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FriendsAlternativeFunerals/
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/friends-alternative-funerals-venice
Getting in touch: VoyageLA is built on recommendations from the community; it’s how we uncover hidden gems, so if you know someone who deserves recognition please let us know here.
