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Meet Lila Sage

Today we’d like to introduce you to Lila Sage.

Lila, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
I come from a long line of strong women. Six generations of intuition that was prized as highly as textbook knowledge.

But one day I woke up to a life I didn’t want to live. I looked around and wondered, “how did I wander so far from home?”

In her past life, not so long ago, she would leave her job as a waitress where her boss would say things like “you need to put on more lipstick” and “you would look better if you wore your hair back”. She came home to a jealous partner who demanded to know her whereabouts at all times and questioned why her desires weren’t more like his.

It was the winter of her life. Cold and dark. Being pulled between what everyone else wanted she realized she was paling from being stretched too thin. She didn’t recognize her life anymore. She had slowly given up her power to other people; her boss, her partner, and the moral code of the “good girl”.

Back then, she used to perform as a dancer in a fetish cabaret which filled her artistic soul but not her pockets. During that time, she met a man with all of the titles who smiled and promised to show her the inner workings of the Los Angeles kink scene. She called him her Dom, short for Dominant. He was the person with authority that she was to look to and follow like the most devout of students. To teach her the proper way to do this art he called BDSM. She was hypnotized by his charisma and his words. And she later suffered at his own hand while he promised her it was something she actually wanted.

It was from this period of pain and contrast that Lila was born. Sparked from a desire. A desire to live an empowered life. A desire to rid the weeds that were choking the garden of her soul.

But before I became who I am, I had to transform who I was.

In agriculture, it is sometimes necessary to create a controlled burn; a small fire that is closely monitored to clear away the lifeless twigs and brush to make space for new growth. I knew it was time to burn away the old and I let that fire burn hot. I threw in the fear of hearing my own voice, squeaking at first from years of disuse. I threw in the anger and resentment of letting everything go on for so long. I added my frustration, my pain, my confusion and watched the old burn away.

For a period afterwards, things were quiet. I let the ashes fall to the ground and settle before making my next move. I knew that on the surface my life looked barren. It was the first time ever that I was without a job, without a partner, and without a community. But beneath the dark fertile soil where the seeds of dreams I planted long ago. And though they weren’t visible, I could feel them there. Everything I had planted. I didn’t have wildflowers blooming in my garden yet but I trusted that they would bloom in the spring. I let the ashes of my past nourish those seeds.

With nothing tying me to the past, I decided to take a leap. Re-emerging from my winter’s sleep, I knew with absolute clarity what I wanted to do.

I was going to be the Domme I was looking to find.

My choice was confirmed that New Year’s Eve when I attended a party at a friend’s home in Hollywood. I jokingly told another friend the day before that I wanted to meet a professional Dominatrix and was shocked when there were not one but two of Los Angeles’ most well-known Mistresses at this party.

Before introducing me to one of them he warned me that she was known for being particularly harsh in her words and manner. I sat down next to her and noticed her unimpressed expression and rigid posture. She made conversation with me out of politeness not interest. Through the small talk, I receive a flash of intuition, of inexplicable inner knowing. There was a kind of gentleness underneath, hidden from view just like my seeds. I asked “are you a kitten?” and her whole demeanor changed. Her eyes softened and blinked at me as she raised a smile. “How did you know?”

I just smiled. Some things are simply magic.

“Do you want to lay your head in my lap and I can pet your hair for a bit?” I asked. She nodded and laid down as docile as a kitten.

A few minutes later I looked down and she was crying. She looked up at me with those soft brown eyes and said, “Thank you. I always have to live up to this image of myself that I created. I never just get to be myself.”

It was in that moment that I knew that I could do this well. That I could give people the freedom to express their truest selves, without all of the masks and expectations. I had found my purpose and I would teach others to acquire the tools to listen to theirs.

We’d love to hear more about your work and what you are currently focused on. What else should we know?
I often describe myself as a Dominatrix, hypnotist, and energy worker.

The term I prefer to use is Inspiratrice- a word coined by Clarissa Pinkola Estes as “someone who inspires others to align with their soul’s sides”.

My style of play greatly differs from that of the popularized whip-wielding, leather-clad Dominatrix. I firmly believe that you do not have to be forceful to be strong.

I have created my own system for play, drawing upon old world traditions and new age philosophies.

My Domme lineage started with a course in Erotic Dominance by Cleo Du Bois in San Francisco, where I acquired the foundation for energy play and creating ritual. From there, I was drawn to explore deeper, taking cues from mindfulness meditation practices to connect with our bodies, philosophies of shamanic trance, and the Wise Woman Tradition of my Celtic and Germanic roots.

To balance out my studies, I began researching clinical and psychological perspectives including Eriksonian hypnosis, somatic therapy, and the development of fetishes. I took particular interest in binaural frequencies and their ability to produce a deep trace state for healing. Balancing the subtle energy work with a more grounded approach allows my sessions look like play but feel like therapy.

Clients of varied social status, cultural backgrounds, and gender identities have expressed that after a session with me they feel relieved and invigorated. Along with a reduced feeling of stress and anxiety, they report increased joy and a renewed sense of self.

We work together to take actionable steps for achieving their goals.

I have seen clients use their increased energy levels to start new work projects and have more energy to devote to family, friends, and themselves.

I truly believe when people are living according to their soul’s path, they create a better world for all.

To embrace this reality we need to celebrate our desires not shun them. That is where the magic, transformation, and growth can begin.

If you had to start over, what would you have done differently?
Honestly, I would not change anything.

I believe every experience leads seamlessly to the next. If we do not learn our lesson the first time, it will come back stronger. Every choice and decision fuels future choices and decisions.

If you want to move forward, you have to trust in something. Whether that is your gut, a higher power, your heart, destiny, whatever feels good to you. Know that even if you can no longer see the seeds you have planted that they are there in the soil waiting for the right time to reach towards the sunlight.

Trust even when your heart hurts. Trust even in the fear of not knowing where you are headed. Know that everything will work out for you and you will recognize it as it is starting to shift.

Take that first step and do something you actually want to do, not something you have to do. Listen to the impulse that tells you to try that new coffee shop, or walk a different route on the way to work. Do it for the joy that you will feel by being true to yourself. One choice can alter your past and prepare your future.

The world needs you to start being who you are meant to be.

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Image Credit:
Paige Craig, Mark Dektor, Charles Torrealba, Xetalatex

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