Today we’d like to introduce you to Hatty J. Lee.
Hatty, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
Today, I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in my 10th year of practice and the founder of the group practice, Oak and Stone Marriage and Family Therapy, Inc. in Los Angeles, California. Right after graduate school, I worked in the community mental health setting with some of the most disenfranchised and underserved populations.
Countless hours were spent in child and family clinics and adult outpatient centers as I provided intensive therapy and crisis intervention. I also coordinated mental healthcare support in the school systems. 50-60 hour work weeks were the norm as I went from one crisis to another, sitting with the heart-wrenching stories involving children, adults, and families. It was grueling, but I loved it.
In 2015, I gave birth to my first child. What should have been a beautiful event ended up being my worst nightmare: I almost died from severe hemorrhaging. For 18 months after giving birth, I suffered from multiple postpartum complications that required further medical procedures and physical therapy. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. As I confronted the fragility of my health, everything I believed in was shaken to its core. Facing death shed light on how I wanted to live my life. I came up with a long list of goals and decided to take the plunge and pursue the one at the top: start my own private practice. In hindsight, I realize that this particular season of grief was the breeding ground for birthing the courage to pursue my dream.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
The greatest challenge of being a therapist and entrepreneur is“leaving work at the office.” I have had to be intentional about creating space for rest and having boundaries around my professional and personal life. It is still a struggle at times especially because one of the most important responsibilities of being a therapist is keeping up with my own personal work of healing.
As therapists, we can’t have the capacity to sit with the pain of our clients if we are not able to sit with our own pain. People often forget that therapists are humans too — we all have our own stories that enable us to empathize with and support the painful yet courageous journeys of our clients. It’s a common assumption that therapists should have it all together. This can’t be further from the truth. I’ve had to confront my imperfections and humanity time after time. And in the process, I have learned the importance of making room for imperfection because it’s part of being human and makes human connection possible.
Another challenge in the road of pursuing the passion of owning my own practice involves money. In my field, there is a lot of shaming talk around how much a therapist should charge. We are often subtlely and sometimes overtly encouraged to help others at the cost of helping ourselves. When I was in community mental health, I was working overtime, emotionally and physically depleting myself, and exposing myself to very toxic and life-threatening environments while barely scraping by to pay off my education loans and make ends meet. I didn’t realize how undervalued mental health is in our culture until I learned how little the average therapist makes.
I had to embark on a journey of learning about my worth as a therapist. At the start of my career, I resolved to living month-to-month for the rest of my life. However, I realized that something was misaligned when I was on the verge of burning out. What I do for a living should not only provide me with basic necessities, but also empower me to take care of myself, model self-advocacy for my clients, and leave me room to give back to my community. The price tag associated with our service can oftentimes have serious implications on the value and worth we believe we have as therapists and within the community. Thus, it’s important that there is alignment in these areas.
Lastly, pursuing my passions has sometimes felt very isolating and lonely because it demands so much of my heart and energy. I’ve had to be very intentional about developing a community with other dreamers, therapists, and entrepreneurs for support. I am part of a monthly writer’s group that has been meeting for the past three years. Additionally, I regularly meet with other colleagues in the same field and maintain an active social media account as a mental health professional. These communities have helped me recharge and stay focused on deepening my work with my clients. Finding my people and establishing community have been necessities in helping me thrive.
So, as you know, we’re impressed with Oak and Stone Therapy – tell our readers more, for example what you’re most proud of and what sets you apart from others.
I work with a diverse group of people – creatives, millennials, entrepreneurs, mothers, other therapists, and people of color, especially Asian Americans. A thread that ties this myriad of individuals together is my ability to help them identify intergenerational traumas embedded within their stories. This process of therapy helps my clients better understand patterns of damaging messages they have received, painful emotions they repetitively experience, and unhelpful coping mechanisms they keep on engaging in without relief. It’s been rewarding to witness my clients experience self-compassion and learn to reparent themselves so that they can heal.
I’m proud of all of the clients with whom I’ve had the privilege of journeying with and the courageous work that they all commit to in therapy. I’m also proud of being an Asian American woman who built a thriving business centered on providing mental health. Growing up, I witnessed people close to me suffer from mental illness, not receive culturally competent care, and stay in denial about their mental illness due to stigma. Thus, it has been meaningful for me to be a strong advocate for the importance of mental health and do my part in breaking the stigma of mental illness in my community. Lastly, I’m proud that I get to do this work that I love very much while maximizing my life at home as a mother to my two boys and a wife to my partner.
Often it feels as if the media, by and large, is only focused on the obstacles faced by women, but we feel it’s important to also look for the opportunities. In your view, are there opportunities that you see that women are particularly well-positioned for?
The challenges of sexism, gender inequality, the lack of opportunities for women in positions of power, the lack of respect for mothering/the role of caregiving, and many other issues are real realities that women face today. I often come across these issues in my own personal life as well as in the experiences of many of my clients.
I think opportunities exist and are often birthed from experiences of pain and injustice. One of the most important opportunities that we have as women is to be an advocate and a voice for ourselves, other women, and other vulnerable populations. Our stories and lived experiences positions us well to speak against injustice, share our knowledge, make safe spaces for communities, and create more opportunities for women and other vulnerable communities so that they can thrive.
Contact Info:
- Address: 5619 North Figueroa Street
Suite 212
Los Angeles, CA 90042 - Website: www.oakandstonetherapy.com
- Phone: 213-394-6404
- Email: hatty@oakandstonetherapy
- Instagram: @hattyjlee and @oakandstonetherapy
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/oakandstonetherapy/
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