Daily Inspiration: Meet Kathryn Farren

Today we’d like to introduce you to Kathryn Farren.

Hi Kathryn, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I’m a writer, actress and teacher living in Los Angeles. When I was 29, my best friend Lauren died suddenly, my mother, with multiple suicide attempts, became gravely ill and my marriage ended. Having lived what I deemed a relatively ‘normal’ existence until then, the trajectory of my life instantly turned towards grief and trauma. A path that had been one of artistic ambitions morphed into life on pause, driven by PTSD and darkness.

As a society, we’re taught that being happy is good and being depressed is bad, yet I was broken for years. The years that followed, with the help of an incredible therapist, became a profound road to self-acceptance and rebirth. I stopped running from the darkness and instead chose to accept it and learn from it. When I embraced all of me, my life began to change. Later, my ex-spouse came out as a trans woman and we worked to rebuild a true and beautiful friendship. And I met the love of my life and we were married last May (my ex was a bridesmaid at the wedding!). When you face your darkest fear and you survive it, you begin to trust in your own strength and resilience. Life opens up with more possibilities than you initially imagined because by embracing darkness, trauma and the bad as well as the good, you find a lot of beautiful insight, compassion for self and others, and unexpected gifts. I realized that the darkness actually isn’t so bad. Cut to 2020 – a year none of us were expecting.

A pandemic, a toxic political climate, the Black Lives Matter movement – suddenly many people were facing darkness, truths and new forms of grief and trauma. I noticed my friends deeply struggling with how to process this year and their sadness, isolation, and fearful unknowns. I realized I wanted to do something – to create a virtual community where we could talk about these unexpected life events and how to cope with them. I felt with my background, I could be an example of someone who’s lived through utter darkness and come out the other side with growth and insight. I created The REN Circle, which is named for my dear Lauren but also stands for Relax and Ease Nerves. We meet via Zoom the first Sunday of every month. I bring in a different guest in the wellness community to offer unique perspectives on mental and physical wellness, and the Circles always end with a somatic meditative practice I developed for stress and trauma. The REN Circle is a safe, inclusive community to provide free conversations, tools, stories and resources for processing, easing and embracing our overwhelm. This is a crucial moment for people to come together, ask for help, and embrace ourselves exactly as we are.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
It definitely has not been a smooth road. I think the first major struggle from tragic death is the shock and betrayal that come when our certainties and beliefs implode and crumble. When Lauren died I went from being someone with strong aspirations and beliefs to a blank canvas, devoid of any belief. And before I could even process this death – of a person who I saw all the time and texted 30 times a day – my mother became gravely ill mentally and I had to move toward taking care of her. I lost even more of myself and didn’t really have the luxury of processing my grief or trauma because all my energy went towards being a caretaker. At the time, I didn’t realize that I had PTSD because I didn’t know what to call it. But I had invasive visions and smells every day or panic attacks where I would lose the ability to form thoughts or sentences. My friend came over asking how I was, and I told her robotically that I was in and out of urgent care for chronic hip spasms, I had insomnia and was having a lot of panic attacks. But I was taking care of my mom so that was what mattered. She looked at me lovingly and said, “honey you need a therapist.” The thought hadn’t even occurred to me.

When I found my therapist, it sparked the desperately needed self-compassion inside me. I finally understood that I needed to start taking care of myself or I was going to lose myself completely. I also developed a rare chronic illness called biliary dyskinesia, which is when the gallbladder can’t process bile correctly. This illness was painful, I could barely eat, and it took four months to diagnose. I had to have my gallbladder removed and still have many gut issues to this day. In terms of 2020, I think the struggles have been a little more relatable. My husband and I are very fortunate because we’ve been able to work from home, but I know many people who’ve been affected by this pandemic. My husband and I are also active company members at Little Fish Theatre and are heartbroken by what is happening to the arts and particularly small theatres this year. I miss human interaction so dearly, and I think the arts give humanity hope, integrity, and beauty – three things we desperately need right now. But I think that’s another reason why I wanted to create The REN Circle, to create a sense of community at a time when that’s challenging to find.

Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
I’ve been an actress since I was four years old and I’ve never wavered from my love of the arts. I did plays and musicals throughout my childhood and into my time studying theatre and film at USC. As I got older, I became frustrated by the lack of great parts out there for women. I found myself imagining my own stories, where women were not there solely to support a male’s experience or be the love interest. Eventually, in high school, that frustration transformed into a love affair with writing. I passionately believe that stories can change lives, and I love complex stories that hold both comedy and drama, a true reflection of life. We’re in a time right now when we need stories of good rising up and taking power back from the oppressors. Of light somehow overcoming darkness. My stories, whether subtly or overtly, share this theme in some way. I’ve been a company member with Little Fish Theatre in San Pedro since 2015. I’ve acted in many plays over the years, appeared on TV and various independent films, but I’m most excited and proud of my work as a writer.

I wrote a play called Embridge, a period comedy-of-manners, which was produced for the first time last year. I was fortunate enough to play its leading role, and we had an incredible director and cast. The play held rave reviews and most recently won multiple Scenie Awards with StageSceneLA, including Most Promising World Premiere Play. My original musical A Moment was also set to be produced in 2020, but of course has now been canceled due to the pandemic. At the start of the pandemic (just before the stay-at-home-orders), I created a short web series to raise money for my theatre about a group of actors struggling to find their way in the pandemic. As time went on and we were home, with plays sadly being put on hold, I took the rest of the year to finish my memoir, entitled Life After Death. I wrote an essay based on the memoir which just won an Honorable Mention for the 2020 Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition. I’m working now on getting this memoir published.

Let’s talk about our city – what do you love? What do you not love?
I was born and raised in Los Angeles so this city definitely feels like home. I love the weather, if it gets below 60 degrees I need my winter coat. I love the diversity that Los Angeles has to offer. If you want to smell the ocean, or hike a mountain, or sit in a forest, these are all just short (or long depending on traffic) drives away. I love that great coffee or food is never hard to find and that there are always new places to discover. I love that you can drive through West LA and it feels new and refreshing and that you can then drive through Hollywood or Los Feliz and see the classic, more historic parts to our city. I like the traffic least, although with being cooped up all year, I have to say even I’m looking forward to the day when I’m sitting in rush hour traffic to see a friend or head to a rehearsal. I also think being so spread out, Los Angeles can feel isolating if you don’t know anyone and it can be hard to meet new people.

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Website: www.kathrynfarren.com
• Instagram: @theRENcircle
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6mBOOlZNGA

Image Credits
For both Embridge and Plaza Suite photos please credit: Mickey Elliot 2nd REN circle screenshots show guest Celeste Salazar of Make Yourself Yoga Plaza Suite photo is taken with actor Brian O’Sullivan