Rising Stars: Meet Chris Siders

Today we’d like to introduce you to Chris Siders.

Hi Chris, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
In December 2009, in my junior year of high school, I started writing spoken word poetry as a student at View Park Preparatory Accelerated Charter High School in South Central Los Angeles; thanks to my mentor Mike “The Poet” Sonsken and my brother Jamal Carter.

I also had a music group called ShadowsOfSociety at that time keeping me motivated to proceed with my creative endeavors. I needed to figure out a positive outlet as I was labeled a “criminal” and “trouble-maker” in the eyes of the school system.

I always got into fights. The principal threaten to expel me from school and send me to the juvenile hall if I got into one more fight in the 9th grade. The thing no one knew was that I was protecting myself from bullies and individuals that constantly felt the need to torment me.

Mike took me and my brother around Los Angeles to Stella Adler, the Venice Mozaic, had us enter poetry competitions, and even started a daily poetry lounge during lunchtime in high school. My confidence was low because there were times that I performed at the poetry lounge and my fellow peers laughed at me or didn’t even pay attention to the stories I shared. I lost poetry competition after poetry competition.

I auditioned for HBO’s Brave New Voices and they didn’t like my performance style. Another popular Los Angeles organization, Get Lit Words, did not like my performance style as well and I didn’t feel welcomed.

By the time college came around, I was going to give up on my dreams of becoming a writer. This was Fall 2011 at CSU Monterey Bay. An old friend of mine at the time picked up my old journal book filled with poetry and encouraged me to perform at the campus open mic night. After performing everything fell into place instantly. I started to perform alongside spoken word and slam poetry icons such as Rudy Francisco, Shihan The Poet, and more.

Admittedly, during this time I was more focused on gaining respect. It wasn’t until I perform alongside Michael Reyes, that the focus shifted. A young woman in the audience approached me after the performance in tears saying that she heavily resonated with a poem I performed that night. At that moment, I felt the stories I share with my art are bigger than myself.

From there, I started acting in the theater production of the Mending Monologues. People gave me the label of the “black feminist guy” in the midst of gaining the reputation of a spoken word artist. It felt like a sense of responsibility was placed upon me, especially since I didn’t see anyone that looked like me speaking on these issues.

The reality of the situation was that I was being tokenized and I was not aware. Title IX at the time put me on the local news station to get interviewed to talk about sexual assault awareness, patriarchy, rape culture, etc. 2014. I felt really uncomfortable deep down, even though by this point I was involved with women’s rights as an ally for three years.

Truthfully speaking, I did not have a good grasp of any of those concepts. I spoke out a lot because I resonated with the harmful effects of hyper-masculinity. Coming from Los Angeles a lot of violence goes down is because of hypermasculinity.

People came out of the woodworks upset about my stance, getting threats, got into bullshit with campus police, I got falsely accused of sexual harassment, and I lost 80 percent of my friends and people that claimed to “love” me.

The following year, I got the offer to teach alongside Richie Reseda for Success Stories at Soledad Correctional facility from 2015 to 2017. While doing that I created a massive divide in the community by performing a poem during graduation that called out the university for swiping racism/micro-aggressions under the rug, perpetuating rape culture, not having care for community members, etc.

People were more concerned about the language than the message itself. I lost social justice mentors. People viewed me differently. To this very day, I have been told faculty, professors, admin alike still talk about what happened. The graduation performance occurred in May 2016.

After graduation, I stayed in the area to continue activism and build poetry. I got a book deal after graduation, but I was told to amend certain things about my pieces and my image so I declined. The season of extreme struggle began. I was crashing from house to house, basements, garages, tile floors, etc. while carrying bags of smelly and dirty clothes on the bus feeling embarrassed. I had two jobs and still barely managed to put food in my stomach.

In spring 2017, created my first small performance tour in Central & Northern California. The first time, I ever got paid for my work as a poet. Then I was asked to direct, write and perform in the play, “A Race Through Time” created by Antoinette Anderson. The play was received so well by audience members we had the opportunity to take the show on the road so I planned to stay in Monterey for another year.

Fall of 2017, I realized I was taking on so much that I had been neglecting my health. I still didn’t have stable housing going from place to place. I found a place where I was living out of a cold garage paying rent for it. Sometimes when it rains the droplets come through the roof. One time a raccoon was roaming around at night. I stopped showering. I got sexually assaulted at my second job.

Got fired from my first job. Got pulled over by police claiming that I was causing a disturbance in the neighborhood after they saw me get off a bus. I got set up at 3 in the morning to fight some people in the middle of the street outside of the garage I was living in. It was horrible. All this occurred within 3 months from the end of August-November. When November came around, I dropped the opportunity to tour.

It got dangerous for me to live in Monterey. The energy in the air was almost telling me if I decided to stay I was going to die. After gaining a little more money in my bank account because I was in debt I moved back home to LA in February 2018.

At that point, I felt I had to start my life all over. 2018-2020 I went from trash job to trash job. Being unemployed than working at a Cinemark Movie Theater cleaning floors, and selling concessions. Then 85 C Bakery cooking as a baker around racist coworkers. Now a performing arts theater as a theater technician/house manager. All while recording music with my music group, Dax Browne and Mykhail at the time staying up all hours of the night til 7 am in the morning.

Covid-19 got in the way of everyone meeting up to record. Everyone was feeling a ton of emotional and mental distress due to the countless lives lost at the hands of police and the uprisings in June. Then at a point, I caught covid in September. After coughing up blood in my toilet I admitted myself to the hospital. On my third day of being in the hospital, I requested a discharge.

The doctors and my mother begged for me to stay, so I did. Not even hours later, I started freaking out and blacked out. My body was unresponsive; While I was out I only saw blue, pink, and white lights. I don’t know how long I was gone, but I woke up feeling a raw shot to my neck as doctors were about to put me on the ventilator.

The next day my heart rate was over 200, and I was strapped to the bed. After getting discharged days later they said I had pneumonia, internal bleeding, and Covid all at one time. In short, there was no way, I was supposed to walk out of that hospital.

I was sent home with a huge oxygen tank. I could barely walk around in my room. The first night, I was having conversations with people that weren’t there. As time went on, I was scared to sleep because I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up. The next day, I broke down crying thanking God that I’m still here and that everyone is still here. One hour later, my mom, dad, and my sister caught covid. That was my first test in faith.

My friend, Denesha, urge me to start going to bible study. I believe God kept me here. Following God, I made significant improvements to my life by healing traumas and letting go of people, places, and things that don’t serve the greatest purpose God has for me. Gain new friends, and new experiences, and challenge myself roaming through these transitions. I went from 330 pounds to 181 pounds currently.

Sold out a few shows as a solo artist. I have been receiving life-changing opportunities in terms of career over the past few months, I got my first publishing deal as an author through a small press company, released my first single ever (Lately feat. Nana Razaia out now on all streaming platforms), I have an album coming out and so much more I can’t speak on at the moment.

My family is still here. This very moment is so amazing. I cried hard recently just looking back on everything. Sometimes I just can’t believe I’m here. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I can’t thank everyone enough that continues to stand by me. Seriously.

We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Some of the challenges and obstacles I have been facing recently are trusting and believing in myself wholeheartedly mainly on the business end of things. What I realized is that literally the number one killer of upcoming artists is not handling business properly, or as my man, Smiley told me having a lack of foundation. Foundation is everything.

Without realizing it, I built a foundation with the spoken word because I kept returning to the same open mic nights every week with new material when I was homeless. Shouts to the East Village Cafe in Downtown Monterey. The poetry slams and open mics started every Wednesday night at 7:30 pm. At the time that’s all I felt I had. 3 minutes on stage every week.

Eventually, word got around of who I was then opportunities came about. Now I am expanding on that foundation nationwide and globally.

When I got opportunities to perform alongside these legends and icons in the spoken word world I was definitely intimidated because I’m like man I’m about to get blown out the water. One of them even approached me after a show and made comments putting me down regarding my performance style. Telling me no one is going to pay attention to “fast rapping” & “singing.” I still continue to perform with that same style and received rave reviews.

A Neo Nazi at East Village after a slam where I placed 2nd told me the same thing, saying “you can’t rap and sing then go back to rap. You not gonna get anyone’s attention with that.” Literally, every time I came back I placed 1st. Even during the first three-way time in the slam’s history, I placed first. This is all about staying authentic & not falling to other opinions even when it comes from people we may idolize and strangers as well.

Also when I start looking to book college/universities during certain times of the year, I would literally send anywhere between 20-50 emails every couple of days and don’t get a reply. It definitely stings a little when you research a university you connect with and they feel you are not a good match for the community. However, I got to keep going. I do follow-ups as well. The same thing happens. When I do get a reply back it’s after probably the 100th email sent out. Super grateful to communities that have taken a chance on me.

On the music side of things, since I started off as a spoken word artist I had problems performing on rhythm to the beat. I was so used to creating my own rhythm in writing poems to where it was hard. In the words of Big KRIT, “writing poems, overflowing that’s what I do.” So I didn’t start rapping until 2018 when I was with my old music group. Eventually, I gained the confidence to create my solo songs and not cringe. Playing my album to folks everyone across the board praised my vulnerability and the unique flows of each song.

When it comes to modeling, I was very insecure about my weight, my skin complexion, how I looked, etc. There was a time in my life I wore nothing, but black. Specifically from 2008 to 2020. Didn’t keep my hair cut or anything. No pride whatsoever in how I presented myself to the world. In high school, I got comments as someone will never love me because I’m dark-skinned. That stuck with me throughout life.

In 2019, I started off doing a sensual/sexual shoot to view myself as an attractive person worthy of relationships and intimacy. Doing that shoot led to me viewing myself in a better light and modeling nude (and clothed as well.) In 2021, I started my weight loss journey at 330 and now I am 181 in less than a year. I still struggle with little things here and there about my body, but I definitely feel a lot more confident doing the work that needs to be done.

As an author self-publishing my first book of poems in 2016, it was a struggle paying for copies, distributing them, and believing I can make a profit off them. I made a deal with an after-school program called Youth NOW in Watsonville, to give them half of the profits of the book to help keep the lights on and assist with programming. At the time I and my book manager went to a few book stores in Monterey County and got denied.

One of them in particular literally inspected the book in front of me and was saying things like the spine is weak, where is this, where is that. He offered to give me 40 percent of the profits while he takes the other 60 percent. In the end, I made well over a grand and gave half of that to Youth NOW in Watsonville. Now a new pressing company from Monterey County, Boukra Press agreed to publish a brand new collection of poems written by me.

As an activist, it’s self-care. I have a horrible habit of not putting myself first. As activists, we are taught to put communal needs before our own. A lot of us twist people’s arms into shit they may not feel comfortable with or may not even have the emotional and mental capacity to participate.

That morphs into a fear of “I need to keep up with world issues because I don’t want to be ridiculed publicly.” I heard several times “joy is the biggest revolution a black person can have.” It’s okay to just survive. Making through our days. It’s way too much going on.

During my days in college starting my sophomore year, taking activism more seriously, I felt suicidal. I had nights I went on a walk by myself at midnight because I felt anxious about ending it all. Terrified I held a suicide hotline number in my pocket. I called it a couple of times. I was placed on a 51/50 watch briefly at a point.

It seems like I became everyone’s enemy and hero at the same time. This started issues involving imposter syndrome. On my first short tour, I was invited to perform and give a speech at a high school. After performing weeks later, a teacher told me that after one of their students saw me speak they decided to not take their life. At the same time, I’m having thoughts of “man I need to eat I gotta get this by any means.”

Bad thoughts crossed my mind a few times. There’s a thought rampaging my mind recently, that I am a monster that all I’m doing and all I’m built to do is hurt, people. I have so much anxiety trying to not say the wrong thing, hurting people, etc. When I got out from being on 51/50, a young woman, I was seeing at the time believed that she was the cause because we got into a big argument when I was going through so much with my health, my father’s health condition, survivor’s remorse, etc.

It’s been one hell of a life.

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
As a creator (or artist of many talents) whatever medium I am utilizing I aim to be brutally honest. That’s something I have always been known for. My vulnerability and energy set me apart from everyone. My specialty as a creator is writing.

In the realm of spoken word, It’s my style in how I deliver and present my poem. I play with my vocal inflections, rhythms, and even diction a ton. It helps to be a rapper because I can utilize those skills in the world of poetry. This is why it takes about a month to two months to create one piece. The poem has to create a massive mural something the audience member instantly experience in their own unique way.

In the world of hip hop, I feel that honesty and story-telling in lyrics is a lost art. With my forthcoming album, I aim to inspire others to speak about their stories. Everyone has a story whether you like it, believe it or not.

I’m honestly proud of myself for just executing all my dreams and getting out of a fearful space. For example, when I started to get into nude modeling more, a photographer requested I work with a woman. I was very anxious about it to the point of shaking mid-shoot, being a survivor of sexual assault, and being falsely accused.

Doing this has been helping me not view myself in a negative light, helping me set healthy boundaries with people around me on a physical level, and understand myself more.

How do you define success?
My relationship with success is something I’m still understanding to be quite honest. With the different blessings, I have been receiving it’s been difficult to fully accept because of my imposter syndrome. I know I deserve it because I work hard for it. I don’t know I am still processing what success means to me.

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Website: chrissiders.com
• Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/ChrisSiders
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thechrissiders/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christopher.j.siders/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdf2OR6I4g1ekAElGPyAyGA
• SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/thechrissiders
• Other: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0hIskDHuiVdkjWd72eVEKc?si=hA4S_rYgRvqAyFNSxv0B1g

Image Credits
Edward Isais, Julie Chon Photo, and Thuumbzzy