Today we’d like to introduce you to Peter Cowen.
Hi Peter, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
This is kind of difficult! I’ve had a nonlinear path to where I am today. Looking back, it feels like I’ve lived so many different lives and it’s hard to connect them all together. I grew up in Chicago to a single immigrant mother, along with my older brother and sister. We were part of a close-knit Korean/American church where I attended church activities roughly five days a week. These included bible studies, church services, youth groups, and even the church orchestra. You could say that the church was my entire life. Even still, I always felt like something was off. I hadn’t accepted it yet, but I was always queer. People would tell me that I stood like a girl and talked like a girl. My favorite character to pretend to be was Xena, the Princess Warrior. And I couldn’t put my finger on why but I just wasn’t like the rest of the boys. But I quickly learned that these were not “good” things and that being queer didn’t fit into the life I was given. So I suppressed and hid that part of myself, leading to an enormous amount of shame building up inside of me.
As a kid, I always loved drawing and creating different worlds and characters, but that never seemed like a way to live my life. In our church, one of the most honorable ways to serve God was to become a medical missionary. So like any good Christian boy, I decided to be premed and study to become a doctor. But after taking the MCAT three times, applying to med school twice, and getting rejected twice, I was relieved to finally accept that maybe that wasn’t the true path for my life. With only a biology degree there wasn’t much I could do so I went into clinical research at a hospital where I was miserable. Not because it was such a horrible job, it just wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. It was during this time that my sister heard about a UX design bootcamp from one of her coworkers and told me that I should apply. I had never heard of UX before in my life and like drawing, I never imagined that I could have a career doing design. But I was so ready to do anything besides clinical research that I applied and ended up loving the program. It was the first time that I was doing something that I truly enjoyed and made me excited.
After the program, I had received a job offer from a small start-up in DC. I was still in the closet at this time and all of my friends were getting married and I worried that people would start to wonder why I wasn’t doing the same. So I eagerly left Chicago to begin a new life, a fresh start, where I wouldn’t be found out. Where I could hide a little longer. After a year in DC, I finally made the move to LA. Something I had dreamed about as a teen, being entranced by shows like Laguna Beach, wanting to be a white, Hollister, popular kid. It was here that my design career took off working with companies like Facebook, Headspace, and Tinder. It was also in LA, while talking to a couple of coworkers that something in me finally snapped and I was ready to come out. I think I had finally gotten enough distance between myself and who I had created in the past in order to fit in and be accepted. I was exhausted from pretending, telling little white lies, and worrying about the Amazon algorithm outing me! And once I was out, I was on a mission to be as gay as possible. I felt like I had so much time to make up for.
Now, I’ve begun another new chapter in my life. Three years ago I finally bought an iPad (something I had wanted to explore for a long time) in order to start making digital art. I started by just playing around with it and drawing some characters which I later turned into NFTs, made comics, and created pieces that document the journey that I’ve been on. In hindsight, drawing has always saved my life. Whenever my depression got severe or I just felt lost in life, I always found myself coming back to drawing. It has provided me with a sense of peace, expression, and healing. It has always been an escape from this world and has taken me to a new world of my own making.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
To be honest, I think the struggle has always been within myself. Whether it was thinking that I’m not good enough, thinking that I’m unworthy, or just thinking that who I am is someone to be ashamed of. I finally left my church at the age of 22 after an exorcism incident gone wrong (which is a story for another time) and I started questioning everything that I had ever known or believed to be true. Up until this point, I had been told what to believe and never really questioned it for myself. I had never seen a queer Asian American who looked like me. So, I never imagined that it was possible for me to live out my truth. I had seen everyone around me following the rules and tried to force myself into the boxes that were laid out for me. Man. Asian. Christian. I thought my life would be: go to school, get a job, save up for retirement, and then die. It was only in moments like this when I felt like I had nothing left to give and nothing left to live for that I was forced to examine who I truly am. Who did I want to be? Not what others wanted me to be or expected for my life. I had spent most of my life hiding. Trying not to be seen. Trying not to be found out. And this caused me to always play small. To not speak up. And keep my head down. But now I want to shine as bright as I can. And be my authentic self proudly and boldly. And I hope that by doing so, I can inspire others to do the same.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Since 2020, the world has seen countless major shifts. Race inequality, transphobia, the regression of women’s rights, the climate crisis, and the rise of fascism have sparked a vast awakening where people can no longer stay blind to the broken systems of our world. Capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy have caused so much pain and suffering, fracturing the connection between humans to each other and to one’s self. My art has tried to capture this awakening in my own personal experience. Discovering and exploring my nature and identity as a multi-racial, non-binary, queer, neurodivergent human (which is just to say that I think all aspects of humanity fall on a spectrum). We are all neither “this” or “that” while also being “this” and “that”. However, the broken systems that I aforementioned have forced us all to repress so much of who we are and have stripped us of our true humanity. I hope that my art would challenge these patterns and bring humanity back to its true nature of freedom and love.
Growing up in Chicago, I was always inspired by the vibrant street art that felt like a living part of the city. I was mesmerized by the fantasy and the world it invited me into that seemed more in tune with who I was compared to the way the real world often felt. My style also pulls a lot of inspiration from queer artists like Keith Haring, Jean-Michel Basquiat, and David Hockney. As well as artists like Judith Bernstein who wasn’t afraid to draw a few dicks. I think it’s such a powerful statement to take imagery of oppression or shame and turn it on its head in order to challenge those systems of oppression. Art has the power to change the way we think and pushes us to look deep into the root of our beliefs and prejudices. I want to continue the work of queer artists before me while also giving a voice to this new generation.
In terms of your work and the industry, what are some of the changes you are expecting to see over the next five to ten years?
I think that we are moving away from the traditional mass media model. There is so much content out there in the world and we have more access to it than ever before. We will probably still have global trends, but I think that most things will be on a smaller, more targeted scale. I think that a major part of this will also be making art within your community and for your community. I see potential in web3, where marginalized communities no longer are dependent on mainstream outlets for opportunity or representation. I believe in the near future, we will be connected based on ideas and morals rather than national borders or language. And I hope this will allow people to explore their creativity at a new level. I believe that art will become less exclusive and elitist and become more accessible for all people.
Contact Info:
- Website: jellyborg.net
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@preatbebrit
