Conversations with Shazmeen Bank

Today we’d like to introduce you to Shazmeen Bank

Hi Shazmeen, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
I got pregnant at 18 years old. In todays world that is not such a big deal. But 20 years ago, coming from an Indian back ground and still in high school not only was it taboo, but i was shamed for becoming a mum. Choosing to have my son and given an option to abort or get married in a week, i went with getting married within a week, and raising a fine young man today. My marriage lasted 5 years. It was emotionally and physically abusive. I was so young and i did not have an option to go back home. So i got my first Job in real estate at 20 years old. Somehow through that career i seemed to connect more with people and they would open up to me about their lives and that gave me a huge trusted edge with selling property. In this time, i was living away from my husband raising my son, working and being the best mum i could be. It was so important to me because of the relationship i had with my mum. Its safe to say, my son is my best friend today. I laugh and say its almost like i had to give birth at 18 years old to have my best friend today. But that time was not easy. I was on a minimum wage because i had never been to university. So the fact that i managed to get a job at a prominent company meant i had to work my talent up. My personal life had me do the best i could with the knowledge back then to heal. I remember walking out of a therapy session thinking, i cant discuss this over and over i leave feeling worse each time. So i stopped therapy and began reading books and this is when i first got introduced to Tony Robbins work. Suddenly my mood, emotions, feelings belonged to me. I was not at the mercy of someone else to feel better. And so i quit my job in real estate, three years had passed mind you, i made a decision to get back with my husband for my son and to be a family again, after work we both put in to heal at the best of our capacity at that time and i travelled, studying NLP, Master Hypnosis, Life coaching, Rekhi, healing, i became a master life coach, i joined the RMT – Robbin, maddens training program and i wanted to take all this knowledge and come back to help women, people that felt lost and were in pain. I then studied relationships, i have certified in conflict resolution and so much more. I am so hungry to know more, to figure out the 2 degree shift to help couples thrive. My passion moved from Life coaching to focusing on relationship health. From my own relationship i could see the break downs and patterns with my clients. I could see the need to be seen yet the fear to be known intimately. Fast forward to my career kicking off in Covid 2020. I was asked to come onto one radio show, to discuss depression and what people could do in such a hard, uncertain scary time. The questions came pouring in and a career in Radio and media was born. I was then asked to come onto their sister radio station to discuss relationships with their older audience. Again, it was a hit. My segments started to gather more talk time, less music and the listeners were tuning in. I had never been on radio, but i loved it. Suddenly, going from seeing clients to no interaction, to now hitting millions of listeners in Africa, and having people write in saying the tried what i was suggesting and their lives were impacted positively built a hunger within me. i was now a weekly feature on two radio stations and then came the invite to live TV. I jumped. I was supposed to do one show, but the live questions and being able to answer these questions on TV, no script felt like i could connect with people even if i couldn’t physically see them. and so within two years i was on 4 radio stations, i got my own 4hr sunday show called the vent, which i hosted with a super college, and we would just answer live wats app messages, from 7pm to 10 pm every Sunday. I learnt and proudly taught my son, you dont have to have qualified in university to make something of yourself. You do not need to know it all, you need to have passion, love what you do and know it is impacting lives and doors will open. People feel clean hearts and genuine love. I then. moved to dubai for two years and whilist there, i moved back to my zoom sessions and grew my social media. The response and need to be seen by people and to know a video connected and could change someones life was so new to me. I felt i knew my TikTok audience and never met them. At the height of it all, i personally learned something unbelievably painful and traumatic in my marriage. I could not be inauthentic, grow social media, give advice and not live what i was saying or teaching so for the last year i pulled away. I had began teaching and helping 1,000 of people with attachment styles, and so i decided it was time to take a very hard look into my life, who i was, and why i was in so much emotional pain, how to sit with it, soothe it, and on some days feel exhausted and work on it all over again. So my research and work took me towards a course that was to personally heal but then study in 2024, to be a facilitator in the art of conflict resolution, holding space for both realities to co-exist as we heal. i think alot of times we just read constant success. We never read or see the break downs and choices one has to make to pivot and grow both personally and emotionally. I am now back creating content as a social media influencer, and i am about to begin a new podcast, and i am currently working on a “heal anxious attachment course”. this is because i saw what i needed to heal, what i couldn’t find in full form to do so and the truth that needs to be spoken to yourself in order to heal.

Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
No. Its been hard and i have felt very alone alot of the times. I realsied that was because my focus was so fixated on my family and marriage being so perfect i missed to many signs it was broken. I never wanted to be the pregnant girl that failed. All eyes were on me 20 years ago to fail. People, my family were all waiting for me to say i cant do it. And i never realsied the truama and weight that placed in my heart, shoulders and mind. I feel i battled emotionally to stay strong and carry alot of empathy for my marriage and a need to not fail my son with the perfect family even at the cost of looking within and seeing what i needed and wanted. healing my anxious attachment style has been the biggest break through and joy in my soul. I still have to work through triggers but i am not chained within to be perfect anymore or to rock the boat. I am just a human, figuring out life, how to keep growing, sitting with failures and pain and. most importantly healing in a way i never have bitterness in my heart. Its not easy. Its not easy to see soemone hurt you over and over in a way that blindsided me so baldy i had to stop my career and soul search. Thats scary. All that hard work, the fear of losing follers, the fear of people come to my DMs for help and i wont be there, i had to be selfish and that was hard. Its hard to beleive to can change lives on social media, until people really write to you and say thank you. i felt i owed myself the truth, to see what i was not willing to see and experince in my marriage and i realsied i was not alone. After sharing my comeback story my DMs were flooded with people feeling raw enough to feel lost, hurt, broken, scraed. I realsied in me striving for success in my marriage, people were trying to attain that too. And so i had to be okay with not being perfect and still have the ability to coach and help. i learnt it is okay to be human and we need more raw, real stories people can connect to and grow with as you grow. i want my son to see, you can get lost, but you are the light to your path and sometimes sitting in the dark gives you the sharpest vision possible.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
i specialize in attachment styles and conflict resolution in relationships and i say this smiling because alot of resolution will come from within, not fixing the partner. I have a passion for helping people feel safe within themselves and understanding, “ah, this is why i react and do what i do” and carry NO shame for it. I am known for my work and depth with attachment styles, advice and very raw, real advice that does not put one gender down. I speak all my topics with love and empathy to both partners because i have worked and seen pain in males and females. i work online with couples and individuals looking to heal in their relationships, wanting to learn how to communicate, understand their attachment syles better, and how to handle conflicts as they arise. Relationship problems are not based on “these are what women face alone and men do not”. I am known for my ability to listen, take in information and teach someone how to hold room for themselves and the truth of the other person. i am most proud of my son. That is the truth. He is a beautiful, 20 year old boy studying in LA, with a dream and raw experiences. I can not wait to see him make mistakes and create meaning and draw lessons from them. I always say i got my PHD in MH. (Motherhood). I have had feedback from people that would say what sets me apart is my empathy and ability to be authentic and very gentle with the hard truth i give. I never leave someone wounded from the advice but in a place of reflection. This has been a big compliment i have had from the husbands that i have worked with, that felt scared to be in a session and were appeasing their wives, to wanting to really learn because i create space for both partners to hurt and be seen together. I have learnt to take that empathy and also give it to me now. I am so excited to start my podcast that will be called Love Better. How to love yourself and so you can then love better those around you. Its not selfish to hold onto your oxygen and take a deep breath before you help others. I always thought love was giving it away first until i found myself suffocating emotionally last year. Now, my inner child knows, i got her and we will never run out of air to breath, love, dance, cry, feel pain but do it as a team.

Have you learned any interesting or important lessons due to the Covid-19 Crisis?
People are hungry to have their pain seen. Men are desperate to not feel like they failed financially and women are hungry to voice their fears and find new ways to heal from trauma. People ran from their intimate relationships to their busy lives and covid forced people to heal, get divorced but most importantly to face what their busy lives allow them to run from facing. I had never seen so many men write into the radio station and leave questions on how to just feel, after losing businesses and having no income. The amount of people that we would talk to that felt suicidal in those moments brought me to my knees. people wanted to feel better now, and i realised people want to be validated and feel like they belong. Not physically, but their pain to land in a safe space and feel they can trust no one will hurt them at their most vulnerable time. Covid showed people there was a need for community again. It allow topics to be discussed openly and there was a value for life and the life of healthy relatiosnhips again. I personally learned, to let go of my story that i do not have enough certification to do what i do. Infact i started to complete many courses and just stopped getting certified to build my self confidence around not having a degree. What i love, is my hunger to stay onto of knowledge to no matter who is in front of me i can help in the best way possible. I love that i am hungry to know more and give more from that knowledge. i saw and learned covid came a took, and it left us all empty somewhere we had to grow or make peace with. The covid 19 crisis opened up a lot of crisis in marriages, the work place and socially. people suddenly had to face the things all the distraction of the world allow them to not focus on. The issues were in front of them, the ability to walk out the door and not deal with things was halted. Either you faced it, or you broke or the relationships around you broke. deal with things when you can. not when you no longer have an interest too. someone is always going to feel they had enough trying in a relationship and then getting them to try one more time, is one time too slow and short. you can lose your business, but if you have the back up of love, genuine connections in your life you can build anything back up with community and support. People are not waiting for you to fail. People are waiting to see someone take the lead in failure and show they are going to be okay.

Pricing:

• $375 per zoom session

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.shazmeenbank.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shazmeenbank
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYYSYmYSMPi8YZ3TjHl4JGg
• Other: tiktok.com@shazmeen_bank