Today we’d like to introduce you to Jennifer Greenhut.
Hi Jennifer, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
How stage IV triple-negative cancer turned into a Zero Negative life: I met my husband, Larry, on Match.com. We fell in love and dreamed of a life with children, fun, and travel. But life had other plans.
I was a healthy singer-songwriter/yoga teacher, recently married, and ready for babies. I met Larry in my early 40’s. I was finally starting to blossom, and my dreams of a family were becoming real. However, a year into marriage and after three unsuccessful rounds of IVF, Larry suggested we take a break from IVF and get a dog. I didn’t handle this well. I was a failure, in my eyes, and was really depressed (a state I knew too well). I felt punished and betrayed by the Universe (i.e., God) since I had wanted to be a mom so badly. What did I do wrong? Do I not deserve to have what I want?
Four months later, I felt a lump under my arm and went to the doctor. Within a week, I was diagnosed with stage IV triple-negative breast cancer. Suddenly, having a baby, a bigger house, and more money––I could care less! It was the scariest time of my life. I thought I was going to die without ever having lived. And, ooooh, my poor husband. I was so upset, thinking the Universe was trying to get rid of me because I was so far from living out my purpose.
The first step was finding an oncologist. I made three appointments, praying for a sign, thinking one doctor might be able to save my life and another doctor might not. My third appointment was with Dr. Slamon. He had me at “Hello,” his handshake made me feel safe. But the moment of transformation came when he commented on my three previous IVF rounds. “You’re lucky you didn’t get pregnant,” he said. “It would have most likely killed you. The cancer would have spread uncontrollably, and it would have been too late to treat by the time you detected it.”
BOOM. I transformed from victim to warrior in a second. The Universe had been saving my life all this time, not punishing me! And, if not getting pregnant was a blessing, so too might stage IV cancer?! I felt a deep love and support that I had never known, and for the first time, I believed I would be okay. I walked out of his office, choosing to put my life in his hands and choosing to trust the Universe completely. I would embrace the journey with love and appreciation, trusting that stage IV cancer would be the best thing to happen to me and Larry. And if I was going to die, at least my final years would be full of happiness and love. I had nothing to lose.
Six rounds of chemo came first. I consciously leaned into the positives instead of the negatives––and there were a lot! People were kinder; they sent me a lot of free gifts, I got a handicap placard, plus my husband did everything I asked! I could nap without guilt, my skin looked amazing, and I had no monthly periods anymore…not too bad?! I called it my “Chemo Cleanse,” a mind-body-spirit-midlife-recharge. It was setting me up for the second half of life, re-born, with fresh hair, perky boobs, and a cancer-free body. What I loved most? Chemo was possibly saving my life, and I was lucky to receive it. I became so grateful for chemo, believing that it was healing medicine.
The more I focused on gratitude and the positives, the more grateful and positive I became. I appreciated my supportive friends, my family, and a loving (sometimes cranky) husband. Before cancer, I never appreciated my amazing life; I was too busy blaming myself for what I didn’t have. It was a huge lesson. There is always something to love or something to hate, and it’s our choice as to what we want to focus on. I chose love, and love chose me back.
Through chemo, radiation, and seven surgeries, I embraced life, learning how to love myself through it all. The only way out was IN. The only way IN was through love, appreciation, kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and presence. Every moment is precious and a gift, and once I realized this, I promised not to waste any time feeling bad about myself. I believe this new way of living was part of the secret to healing and becoming cancer-free. I was learning to love all of my mistakes, all of my imperfections, all of my heartbreaks, and all of my attributes. I know this was what was needed to heal, and seeing myself as my own “healer” was very empowering.
My passion and zest for life came early in my treatment. In fact, I started my company, Zero Negative (www.shopzeronegative.com), soon after I started chemo (crazy, I know). I had so much passion and energy for life that I was desperate to find a way to give back. My mission to spread love through accessories that give back to cancer research. The LOVE tote was the first design, and it was more than just a bag to me. It served as a reminder that LOVE is always more powerful than fear. If we love life and being alive, then we must embrace every challenge with that same energy. In fact, a challenge could be thought of as a puzzle or a nudge for you to change paths, all helping you become the person you are meant to become. I wanted to embrace all that life was bringing, understanding that I wouldn’t have these challenges if we were dead…right?
I experienced my body transforming as my heart and mind shifted. I had stage IV cancer in January 2017 and was cancer-free in April 2017. With gratitude flowing in my veins, I felt my tumor dissolve…truth! I spoke to it, sent it love, breath, and made room for it to soften and release. I surrendered to chemo and prayed for it to take only the cancer cells. As love expanded within, consequently I became more compassionate, especially with my husband. I felt more connected to people as I was more connected to me. Another great lesson! The relationship we have with ourselves affects every relationship we have…never doubt the power of self-love.
I really had no idea what I was doing, only that I didn’t want to be miserable. When I started processing the whole experience, I recognized cancer was a symptom that I was not aligned with my true self. It led back to the healer and hero within. With past trauma untouched, I had no choice but to heal or die. I never felt worthy of love because I didn’t totally love myself. I was never good enough, always feeling like the grass was greener on the other side. My depression, so easy to ignore, was deep, turning every cell into cancer. It all makes so much sense to me now.
I don’t wish cancer on anyone. But if you’re chosen, I hope you see––you are the one steering the ship. And your “crew” is there to support you. YOU are there for you. YOU are your own powerful healer. Cancer takes us to the edge and back without knowing how (or if) we’ll ever get “back.” Cancer will show you how strong you are, how much you are loved, and that life is worth the struggle. I will never take my life for granted again. And that makes every day a good day, even when it’s a bad day. I am forever grateful for these lessons. The secret to happiness is within ourselves, and to love, first, we must love ourselves.
Today, six years cancer-free, Larry and I are so much stronger as a couple. We even decided to write a book (Everyone Needs a Larry), wanting to honor all caregivers, sharing perspectives from the caregiver and the patient. Larry and I argue about the true essence of the book, however. He says it’s a romance with cancer in the mix; I say it’s all about how we survived stage IV cancer and how our love helped us navigate our way. Either way, we survived it all –– love, marriage, and stage IV cancer. We want everyone to know that they can too.
What makes you happy? What brings you joy? What lights you up? Whatever it is, do it more! To be happy, you need to fill your day with happy thoughts and do things that bring you joy. Funny, I can’t believe it took stage IV cancer to teach me that I must have a really hard head. But I love it nevertheless 😉
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Becoming cancer-free is one thing, but living with the PDST can be overwhelming. With triple-negative cancer, they watch you very closely for five years. If cancer comes back within five years, it’s not good. They told me that it would be a death sentence… However, if my cancer did NOT come back within five years, I would be considered “cured.” So getting through the five years and all the check-ups were always cause for anxiety and “what if” moments. I learned how to trust, and my meditation practice was very helpful in being able to let the negative thoughts go in and out without attaching or believing them. Another challenge, being thrown into menopause with NO warning whatsoever, was a shock to my body. I have to watch my bone density and make sure I don’t go into osteoporosis. There are certain bone density shots I might have to do in the future.
Running a company is not easy; I have had to learn how to do this every step of the way. I am very proud of Zero Negative and where it is going. I have been running everything by myself, praying for a partner to come into my world. I have been very patient, sometimes struggling with the feeling like I don’t have enough money to build a company, I don’t have enough support to build a company, etc. But of course, I kept praying and believing.
A friend of mine introduced me to a recent breast cancer survivor who thought we might get along. It was a total “love at first site” connection, and now I am proud to say I have a partner in crime, Stacey Uberstine, to help build and grow Zero Negative into a mindset brand.
Writing a book with your husband is NOT an easy thing to do. But we got through it by hiring an editor to help us. It was a two years process, but it was not hard for me to write. I felt the lessons I learned and the lessons we learned would help so many people, and so I really enjoyed the writing process. The marketing and PR stuff is my least favorite thing to do. But it’s necessary, so I’ve been committed to that piece as well. Eventually, our dream is to develop Everyone Needs a Larry and turn it into a Netflix series. I can’t imagine that would be challenging, right? 😉
Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
I am most proud of turning stage IV triple-negative breast cancer into a company called Zero Negative. My mission is to spread love and gratitude through accessories that give back to cancer research at UCLA’s Jonsson Cancer Center Foundation. Every accessory says “love”… the tote bags were originally designed to be “chemo bags” but can then be a day bag, travel bag, gym bag, beach bag, etc… We will be creating “chemo kits” in the future, to help patients get through chemo and radiation with items picked from experience. I am most proud that I learned such a powerful lesson about healing and overcoming challenges and realizing that every challenge is meant to help us and not hurt us. By embracing life with love and trust, we can understand that some of the hardest chapters are the most helpful in our soul’s journey. It’s all about healing, and I love that stage IV cancer taught me all about the power of love, gratitude, and positivity.
Is there anyone you’d like to thank or give credit to?
My husband, Larry Tollin, was the caregiver in my cancer journey. My entire family and friends were all so supportive. I felt as if I was being held up by everyone in my tribe, and that filled me with so much love and appreciation. I had mentors as I was starting Zero Negative, an artist who designed my logo and became a dear friend, and so many patients and survivors that I have come in contact with who have shared their stories as well. UCLA and my team of doctors there deserve a lot of credit; we were all part of the one team saving my life. And now, my new partner, Stacey Uberstine, I am so grateful to have met her and bring her into the Zero Negative family.
Pricing:
- Love tote: $139
- Heart crossbody/fanny pack: $89
- Love clutch: $49
- Everyone Needs a Larry Memoir: $22
Contact Info:
- Website: Zero Negative: www.ShopZeroNegative.com – Everyone Needs a Larry: www.amazon.com/dp/B09Z7C8GZV
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/zeronegative AND www.instagram.com/everyoneneedsalarry
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/ZeroNegative
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-greenhut-600028b/
- Twitter: www.twitter.com/JennandLarry
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@zeronegative7322
Image Credits
Trish Jochen
