Life & Work with Susan Toler Carr

Today we’d like to introduce you to Susan Toler Carr.

Hi Susan, so excited to have you with us today. What can you tell us about your story?
Tragedy knocked on our door when Justin, our seemingly healthy 16-year-old 6’3″ only son, died during his high school swim practice. He had an undiagnosed heart condition that caused his Sudden Cardiac Arrest and subsequent death. It was only minutes after Justin had a jovial conversation with me before diving into the pool. Justin was an Earth angel, Renaissance Man, scholar, singer, actor, artist, Junior Olympic BUTTERFLY swimmer, and underdog supporter – who repetitively since age four prayed, “God help us achieve world peace” – the in memoriam “most INSPIRATIONAL” student at his school’s graduation about whom over 100 of his classmates wrote their college essays – an exuberant, charming child.

The infinite and unimaginable trauma that I have endured has recently catapulted me to a higher understanding of how I am going to live my life in the days and years to come. I can’t imagine living this new life as anyone other than a determined, loving, and sharing my story that has emerged as the reborn driving force behind which I have already started to become.

To continue a fulfilling life without my son- who always had world and inner peace constantly on his- seems daunting. However, authenticity and empathy are the keys to creating a more compassionate, accepting, and peaceful world. I share my personal story with honesty, which will unequivocally help others as they embark on their fearless transformational journeys and reinforce that they are not alone. Every day is a day of thanksgiving.

When in doubt, my thoughts always go to Justin, my BUTTERFLY, who wants me to accept his metamorphosis and find new ways to live. My focus is no longer on a “job” but on living life with purpose. Never forgetting him, emerging from the darkness, finding inner peace, loving life, living bravely, faithfully, and cheerfully while instinctively giving mothering guidance to others – just like I did for Justin was my letting me “BE.”

Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
1. Not at all. It is sometimes smooth, rocky, slippery, and rough.

2. I stopped my profession as an Engineer the day Justin died; even though they held my job for two years, I would never go back — the pain of seeing college students was too much, hard to concentrate, and I have therapy as my friend.

3. Lost friends and gained friends.

4. I did not cook or go into any grocery store for three years.

5. My husband and I each had our own unique relationships with our son. Losing Justin changed him too. —- he lost all of his hopes and dreams too that day.

My husband and I nor  health providers were unaware of  Justin’s heart health risk factors.

SCA happens when an electrical malfunction causes the heart to stop suddenly and unexpectedly beating, unlike a heart attack that occurs from a blockage in the coronary arteries that interrupts blood flow in the heart. One in 300 youth has an undetected heart condition that puts them at risk. SCA is the leading cause of death in the U.S., takes the lives of 356,000 people annually, is the #1 killer of student-athletes, and is the leading cause of death on school campuses.

The Justin Carr Wants World Peace Foundation (JCWWP)  501(c ) 3 was incorporated on May 2, 2013. It supports Justin’s blueprints he left for the organization, focusing on the areas he excelled in (Art- visual and performance), dreamed of (Peace), and exhibited (Heart).

The mission of JCWWP promotes Justin’s plans through FREE education programs, mentorships, scholarships, heart screenings, AED donations, heart health awareness services, and resources.

Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
“Swamp Queen” was the name given to me after donning hip-waders and mosquito nets while exploring wetlands to get environmental permits to build what eventually became Disney’s Animal Kingdom. Co-workers called me “Swamp Thing,” but I said, “No. I’m the Swamp Queen!” as I avoided water moccasins and spiders. My unusual career as a Registered Professional Engineer included engineering and management positions including at SoCal Gas, Walt Disney Imagineering, and Universal Studios. I managed design and construction for themed attractions and built Tiffany, YSL, and Crate & Barrel stores for contractors. Until February 22, 2013, I was a Senior Project Manager for USC Capital Construction, a happy wife and proud mother to my 16-year-old son. That day, my world changed. Now, I’m a childless mother, a shell of the woman I used to be. But, I see a courageous woman with incredible strength coping with the loss while still transforming.

My career as a Professional Engineer was halted. I enjoyed my career managing major design and construction projects for themed parks and commercial and educational institutions. Now I work to rebuild lives and change the conversations and responses to grief by conductiong workshops in the US & Canada, grief support, helping bereaved parents by providing non therapeutic tools fo how to live when facing grief. I am a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist and have certificates in College & Career Counseling and Mental Health First Aid. I am a public speaker – I have spoken at over 60 different programs about grief and loss. I am the co-founder of our non-profit https://justincarrwantsworldpeace.org, and I am on The Parent Heart Watch https://parentheartwatch.org and the A Noise Within https://www.anoisewithin.org boards — all in honor and memory of Justin.

I am honest on my journey, and I tell people how I feel at any given moment.

I blog, I speak, I listen, I support, I share, I grieve.

I was featured: https://blacklove.com/8-takeaways-for-mothers-grieving-the-loss-of-a-child-on-mothers-day/

I have written over 100 stories of the good, bad, and ugly on my journey. Here is my Blog https://justincarrwantsworldpeace.org/blog/

Is there any advice you’d like to share with our readers who might just be starting out?
People carry things that others can’t see. No need to put on an Academy Award Act or be an Imposture. Just do you.

There is no Timeline or Method to how you respond to your own unique grief situation. Do not hold things in, Grief and loss are life-altering, life-changing and life-ending events. Grief does not just relate to death. It can arise from a job, move, illness, trauma, relationships, loss of trust, etc. I did not know that some of the people I was close with prior to losing Justin ran away and are still MIA. How we have been taught in the past to Stay Strong, Don’t Cry, You will be better in a year, etc., are all myths. Even the five stages of Grief. Our load gets heavy, and we live with regret, resentment, guilt, belief systems, etc., but the only thing we must carry is the loss.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.JustinCarrWantsWorldPeace.org
• Instagram: jc4wpmom
• Facebook: Susan Toler Carr
• Linkedin: Susan Toler Carr

Image Credits
The Large Group Picture on the Beach and the picture of me looking at the butterfly were taken by Ricky J. Lin Darrell E. Carr took my headshot and all of the other family pictures.