Today we’d like to introduce you to Juan Carlos De La Rosa.
Hi Juan Carlos, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
I’m a single father born and raised in the Inland Empire. I joined the IBEW Electrical Union in 2014 and currently work as an estimator for an electrical contractor. Before joining the trade, I attended Riverside Community College for a few years, with my only goal being to keep my parents off my back. As the oldest of three children in my family and the son of undocumented parents, I’ve grown up with a lot of pressures and challenges to feel the need to provide. I grew up in a home with banter, hard work, and tough love.
Although I’m grateful for the upbringing that I had, becoming a father made me realize the emotional needs that were missing growing up. I was very much lost when it came to my purpose and more importantly as to what it meant to be a “man”. I could work hard, I could talk smack, I could drink and do drugs, yet I didn’t feel accepted. I was in a struggle between the man I wanted to be and the man I was told I was supposed to be. I noticed that I was very good about being numb, but it limited making connections with my family, friends, and partners. After cycles of failed relationships and filling voids with unhealthy coping mechanisms, I decided to try therapy. Growing up, therapy was perceived as something for those that were either weak or crazy. It opened the door to questioning all my beliefs. I acknowledge that I didn’t choose to grow up with the beliefs I have, but I do make a choice now to accept them. I wanted peace, and therefore breaking cycles was going to be extremely important. The process of it all has been uncomfortable; at times maybe even weird, but it’s been rewarding. It opened the door to create The Modern Macho. A community of men that encourage, guide, and motivate other men towards self-growth in all aspects of life.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Oh, man. Not at all. Breaking cycles has been tough. There’s been a lot of doubt. There’s been a lot of moments where I question myself even with what I know now and understand. I used to be a very angry person. I didn’t like listening to others, and I found myself always being insecure. And that was hard because I was supposed to be a “man”. I couldn’t talk about those things. I didn’t feel safe enough to do it anywhere. I also had never truly practiced being vulnerable; it’s scary to do. The only time I felt like I could do it was drunk with my friends or with a woman. I always thought that was weird. If we’re friends, why can’t we share our emotions with each other? Why do I have to wait to be drunk for it to be okay? I started doing drugs with the guys I was hanging out with. I never really cared for them, but it was a price I was willing to pay to be loved. I look back now and realize underneath that anger was so much pain. I had so much resentment I was holding onto because society told me I needed to be a wallet and that as a man, I didn’t matter. I was also never modeled healthy communication. Especially amongst men, that just wasn’t a thing growing up. I realized the drinking and drugs was about acceptance. That’s what I really wanted, and once I got that clarity, it helped me to start seeking those things in healthier places. I also learned that all my thoughts and emotions are valid; the difference now is just in how they show up and how I manage them. It’s taken a lot of practice. It’s unrealistic to think I was going to have the answers to all this, especially after being wired this way for the last 30 years. I’m constantly reminding myself to give myself grace.
Great, so let’s talk business. Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
So, we’re a community of men that encourage, guide, and motivate other men toward self-growth in all aspects of life. We’re the middleman that holds space for men, with the goal being to help them seek therapy and the necessary resources with professionals. We’ve hosted pool tournaments and used the funding to sponsor men to go to therapy. We’ve done food drives. We’ve hosted Social Hours, which were virtual spaces for men to come together and talk. We’ve done a book club. My best friend and I have also been podcasting. We’ve used it to document our journey in hopes that it resonates with other men and they don’t feel alone. Growing up, teachers, counselors, therapists, amongst others, were these higher-than-life individuals that I didn’t see as people. It was kind of messed up when I sat and thought about it as I got older, it’s dehumanizing. Being able to learn and laugh with professionals has been a cool experience with the podcast. We’re hoping it’s also breaking the stigma behind therapy and mental health.
I also facilitate a Nurturing Fathers program with RUHS Behavioral Health. It’s helping fathers have better tools to build connections with their children. I think a lot of us are raising our kids as we were raised. I think we’re doing a much better job than our parents did, and we have such an awesome opportunity to do even more. There are so many resources we can take advantage of now that we can implement into our parenting, but it starts with us. We’re different because we get it. We’re not therapists; we’re dudes just trying to figure this out. We’ve been set with an expectation of being better listeners without ever being heard. A lot of information on fatherhood and masculinity is accessible, but it’s intimidating. It also seems unattainable. I’ve cheated, I’ve lied, I’ve spanked. I had to forgive myself for who I was to be who I wanted. It’s a struggle many of us as men try to do alone. Being able to provide spaces, resources, and services to resonate with men so they can become the best versions of themselves is what fills our cup and keeps us moving. I feel so privileged that I get to do this work and get to hold space for brothers like me that need healthy outlets.
I feel proud of the workmen are doing for themselves. I can’t tell you how honored I feel to be able to hear stories of fathers, brothers, and sons breaking cycles. The name “The Modern Macho” came from wanting to redefine the same identity with which we’ve been brought up with. Why change ourselves when we can evolve instead? We can keep the parts that shine, put some work on the ones that need attention, and even add new things that can be beneficial for us. Accountability. I encourage one of you to give yourself flowers just for being willing. We’re worthy of love just as we are. I also want to say thank you to everyone that’s been so supportive of our message. Women especially. There was a lot of hesitation when we started this platform because of the name. I was scared we’d get a lot of hate, but instead, we’ve received nothing but love and support. Men, there are spaces for us. There are people that see us. It starts with us.
Who else deserves credit in your story?
A huge shoutout to my guy Santiago. He’s been my right-hand man since day one. He believed in my vision, and it didn’t take long for us to sit down and start putting the building blocks together. My guy Q who also helped give me the push to pull the trigger on this project. He’s someone I can count on for advice and moral support. My guy Matas, who I’m so appreciative for. Everything from marketing to brainstorming, to lending an ear, he’s there. My guy Al, who helped us out with the book club and helps with the Social Hours. I mean, these guys are about it. Practicing what we preach. My guy DJ, who is my idol. I look up to this guy. He’s been such an inspiration for me and the work I continue to do. I hope to someday be half the man, father, and husband he is. My dad’s group that I feel so blessed to have. It’s nice to have a space of my own for moments where fatherhood is challenging. Of course, my parents and my siblings. They’ve always done their best to show up and show love. A shoutout to the folks that support our message and send people over to our content. Therapists that continue to show love and encourage us to keep doing this work. Most importantly, the men brave enough to lead. The men brave enough to speak up, brave enough to challenge and break cycles. This whole thing exists because of them. They’re all the ones doing the work. They provide the fuel for us to keep going; we’d be nothing here without them.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.themodernmacho.com
- Instagram: themodernmacho
- Youtube: www.youtube.com/@themodernmacho_
